03/11/2024
Today I decided something that I had never decided before.
Today I chose life, instead of the half life I was accepting.
There have been many times when I felt like parts of me were still remaining behind the veil of consciousness waiting for me to stop choosing a slow death of my abilities and my dreams.
There have been many times when my mistrust of life translated into wanting physical death.
My mistrust was born from not fitting in, from having my power and psychic gifts feared.
From being used, shut down and abused for my kindness and love.
I just never really developed a true trust and love for life- the life force that that is within me as woman.
I would watch other women in their full expression of divine beauty, full of their own grace and inner knowing.
I would be jealous, wishing I was more like them
I would be angry at the injustice, why can't I have that too.
I would be in deep grief wondering why I couldn't have that and believing I was bad in some way.
It's been shifting deeply each peice of that longing as I sifted through the many layers around those thoughts that actually had nothing to do with those women I saw.
I began to see they all had made their own chose to embrace LIFE fully.
To embrace the life force within themselves as women, as creators, as as the embodiment of their dreams.
I sat with a dear friend yesterday and she helped me shift some mindsets.
That's what true friendship is about, support of each other.
Today I was on my much needed solo beach walk and I thought, "What if I chose life? What if I chose the powerful life force within me and lived with it in full acceptance, trust, and love?"
I felt the surge of the waves and the roaring wind as it whipped my hair into my face.
I felt a rush of powerful connection to the land I was walking with, I felt the rhythm.
Last night I dreamed that I was able to weild magic that shifted the weather around me in real time and so much more.
This moment of asking "What if" brought back that memory of the dream.
I felt the flow of energy from the ocean as I moved.
Then I decided, I decided to choose life to choose this feeling of connecting with my body and world around me.
The full encompassing of it not just the shallow skims across the surface as if I was a skipping stone like before.
Today I chose life- I felt my missing pieces come back to me from behind the veil of consciousness
I do understand we as humans never fully incarnation our souls into human form due to the density difference.
This however was for the peices that were always meant to come into my human body.
I felt to share this, this is not just a "me" thing, this is a who ever needs this message to take the step into their own life-force thing.
I love you all, thank for helping me find my strength when I felt weak, for showing me my beauty when I felt ugly and for loving me when I felt unlovable.
Your all amazing ❤️
