15/02/2026
This piece has been a long time coming. Writing it, and thinking about sharing it, has stirred up a lot: fear, self-doubt, the old worry about rejection, and the tiny voice that whispers, “What if they don’t get it?”
And yet, beneath all of that, there’s gratitude: for my growth, for the skills I’ve developed as a writer, and wholistic practitioner, and for the conviction that this story needs to be told.
It’s exposed my own insecurities and shown me where I need to do the work, retraining my mind out of patterns that no longer serve me, like overthinking what others might think or fearing judgment.
So here I am, sharing it anyway. Not because I have all the answers, but because honesty matters, because self-awareness matters, because connection matters.
This is my story, raw, imperfect, and evolving. I invite you to read it with curiosity, with an open heart, and maybe even see a little of yourself reflected in it.
LET'S EXPLORE THE EMPATHY / COMPASSION STORY.
A PERSONAL VIEWPOINT
Before you read this, I want to acknowledge that what I’m about to share may challenge long-held beliefs, and perhaps even identities. It’s not my intention, to offend or diminish anyone’s experience. This is simply part of my own evolving journey.
You may disagree.
You may agree.
You may simply go, hmm, interesting, I’ll explore what I think.
I invite you to read with awareness, curiosity, and an open mind.
By Julie Lucas-Hokin
@ Forward Motion Freedom COPYRIGHT 2026.
Can only be shared in entirety with acknowledgement. Thankyou
________________________________________
I used to say I was an empath. In hindsight, I probably said it with pride, almost as if it were a special gift that made me different, or somehow softened the weight and weariness I carried inside. The empath label made it okay. I think it supported my survival, my need to belong, to matter, to have a place and a purpose, even if it felt like a heavy one. The identity nurtured connection, something I deeply needed after a lifetime of rejection and abandonment, of feeling like I didn’t belong anywhere.
Over time, something began to shift.
I started to realise that the word empathy wears a kind of moral gold standard. It sounds noble, evolved, almost sacred. It can function like a beautiful mask, one that makes overwhelm look virtuous.
I began to wonder if, for me, it had become a disguise?
A way of spiritualising my exhaustion.
A way of explaining away something deeper.
A way of avoiding what was really going on inside me.
________________________________________
The truth I didn’t want to admit
For years, when I felt drained after being with someone, I would say:
“I’m an empath. I’ve absorbed their energy.”
I believed it, wore it like a badge. To be fair, it probably was a survival technique. I’m grateful for it, that belief gave meaning to my sensitivity, stopped me from collapsing into shame. The label had a purpose.
As I grew in spiritual and emotional intelligence, I began to notice something uncomfortable:
Most of what I was calling “other people’s energy” was actually my own energy reacting. Not because I was absorbing, because I was being triggered. The more I watched this pattern, the more I realised the word empathy had become a way of avoiding responsibility.
It allowed me to say:
“It’s not me.
It’s them.
I’m just sensitive.”
And that’s where the deception lies.
________________________________________
What empathy often really is
When we witness someone else’s pain, our nervous system responds. We remember, feel echoes of our own past and then we react.
That reaction is not proof that we are taking on their energy, it is often proof that something inside us is still unresolved, but if we call it empathy, we don’t have to look at that pain.
We can stay inside the “special gift” identity and never address what is truly asking to be seen, healed, and released.
________________________________________
I’m not rejecting sensitivity
Sensitivity is a gift, but the concept of empathy has often been used in ways that:
• glorify emotional overwhelm
• romanticise “absorbing other people’s energy”
• encourage emotional enmeshment
• and keep people from doing their own inner work
I’m not rejecting sensitivity, I’m rejecting the misuse of empathy as an identity.
________________________________________
What I’m choosing instead: compassion
Compassion is not feeling what others feel.
Compassion is:
• recognising someone’s pain
• holding space for it
• staying grounded in your own body and energy.
Compassion is not losing yourself in someone else’s experience, nor becoming a dumping ground for other people’s emotions.
Compassion is strength, love with boundaries, presence without depletion.
________________________________________
The moment everything changed
I remember a specific moment that shifted everything.
I was with someone who was deeply distressed. I felt the familiar heaviness in my chest. The familiar exhaustion, the urge to rescue, to help. Then a still small voice whispered, but who is it the insistent urge to help, to rescue is for? Is it for them or you? Maybe it’s actually both, my need for healing, my love and compassion for others.
I heard myself think:
“What if I’m not absorbing their energy?
What if I’m just being shown my own?”
It landed like truth. I realised I wasn’t special because I could “feel other people’s energy.”
I did have a talent, a skill, a gift, but it wasn’t absorption, it was discernment.
I could see what was present in the room, I could sense emotional shifts, I could understand patterns quickly.
That didn’t mean I needed to carry it, It meant I needed to hold space, and stay in my own lane.
________________________________________
What I should have been saying all along
Instead of:
“I’m an empath.”
I could have said:
“Thank you for letting me see your pain. I have compassion and love for you, and I can hold space without taking it on.”
That honours the other person without giving away yourself, it acknowledges sensitivity without turning it into burden, honours compassion without making it self-sacrifice.
________________________________________
This is what I believe now
Many people who call themselves empaths are actually:
• highly sensitive
• emotionally intelligent
• intuitive
• energetically discerning
But they are not absorbing energy, they are observing it, in themselves, in others, in the environment. Discernment, not absorption, is the real gift.
________________________________________
When clients ask me…
So many clients ask:
“Julie, how do I stop absorbing other people’s stuff?”
And maybe the better question is:
“What inside me is being activated?”
Because the answer is rarely stronger protection, it is self-awareness. It is nervous system regulation, healing unresolved wounds, cultivating true compassion.
When you know yourself deeply, you don’t absorb, you respond.
________________________________________
If you feel overwhelmed by other people’s emotions…
If you often feel drained, heavy, or attacked by other people’s energy, consider this:
What if you are not absorbing them?
What if you are being triggered?
What if your system is asking for your attention?
The most spiritual thing you can do is look inward, (for me and my beliefs I also look to, whatever your word for it is, God, source, greater soul, divine intelligence.) to heal, and become grounded.
Then you can hold space for others from strength, not depletion.
________________________________________
Why compassion is the true spiritual gift
Compassion does not require you to lose yourself.
It does not require you to carry the world.
Compassion requires:
• presence
• love
• boundaries
• discernment
• strength
And that, to me, is spiritual maturity.
________________________________________
A final thought
We don’t need to call ourselves empaths to be sensitive.
We don’t need to glorify overwhelm.
We don’t need to make our wounds into identities.
We need to heal, to grow, to love, and to choose compassion, not as a concept, but as a way of being.
________________________________________
Note:
The perspectives shared here represent my own evolving understanding. They are not absolute truth, but part of my personal and professional journey. Please discern what resonates with you and seek appropriate professional guidance where needed.
________________________________________
