25/08/2025
i’m not the girl you remember
the one who was fun
and nice as pie,
who laughed at all your jokes
regardless of their content,
and did things to make your life easier.
i’m not who you remember me to be,
and i’m a far cry from that girl
who kept the peace
and wanted everyone to like her.
but i know this sacrifice has purpose -
so what keeps me from being sad,
what keeps me on this lonely path,
is knowing that the parts i’ve lost
unsettling as it may be for others
have made way for me
to be the very person you’d want near
when life has you on your knees
begging, longing, broken
when you need someone to guide you,
to tell you no matter what
it’s all going to be ok
and which next step to take
someone who doesn’t shy away
from your fear, pain, hurt or grief
but can stand with you
hold your hand
and guide your heart.
it takes a certain centeredness
in oneself to do that.
this is my calling, so
the flaky, fake, superficial and complicit parts
had to die…
sometimes painfully,
often repeatedly,
to be left with the charcoaled
core of my being
with so much holding capacity
that i can hold you in your pain
when it’s too much for you to bear
giving space to catch your breath
and see, be it just a slither of a view,
that the road ahead is still paved with light.
— ab 🥀🌙
