KLF Counselling & Holistic Therapy Services

08/01/2025

06/01/2025

Your mind is a powerful storyteller. Every thought you have is shaping the world you live in. Are you building a story of negativity or one of growth and freedom? The choice is always in your hands—start writing a better script today.

03/01/2025

29/12/2024

The reality of a dysfunctional family

19/12/2024

Are you exasperated by how negatively your adult child treats you? Do you find yourself consumed with conflicting thoughts and feelings about him or her? Do you feel alone as it seems that so many other adult children are more respectful and appreciative of what their parents do for them?

Before I go further, let's make a few things clear: I am not writing that all adult children treat their parents poorly. And, for any adult children who may read this, I am also not saying that your parents are exempt from responsibility for the quality of your relationship with them.
restore boundaries, improve communication, and gain a much-desired sense of emotional balance, I have seen too many parents of adult children metaphorically wear "Kick Me" signs. What I mean by this is that your adult child's frustration and shame over the failure to launch comes out sideways, directed at you as emotional abuse. Are you unwittingly, or even wittingly (because you just feel so worn down) wearing a "Kick Me" sign, thereby enabling mistreatment?

Following are three signs of emotional abuse experienced by parents of adult children that I often encounter about when I coach them to set better boundaries:

Unjustified Blame. Somehow, your adult child persistently blames you for his or her problems and refuses to accept responsibility for their struggles and issues. Adult children who think this way are leaden with distortions and use their parents as an outlet to vent their anger. Sadly, many of my parent clients actually believe they are solely at fault for an adult child's lack of success in being able to sustain their independence. They distortedly think, "Maybe if I just tried harder or did this instead of that, things would be different."

Manipulation. In many cases, I hear about struggling adult children who unfairly sling guilt at parents or even make threats of self-harm or su***de. Struggling adult children with distorted views who live at home may use whatever manipulation tactics they can muster to make parents feel they "owe" them and so must indefinitely support them. You remember the better days of their youth and how things were better years ago, so you look past the manipulation and cling to the idea that things will turn around.

Put-downs. Criticism is common from an adult child. She or he brings up how you seemingly treat their siblings better, rips on your spending habits, or criticizes your past choices. When you try to confront your adult child about it, you are met with gaslighting, questioning your memory of the incident or the past in general, trying to make you second-guess yourself, or telling you that you’re "always overreacting" or are just “crazy.”

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10/12/2024

When we find our passion for life we then know how to live

15/11/2024

What is Somatic Therapy?
In recent years, somatic therapy has gained significant attention as a body-centered approach to healing trauma and emotional distress. Unlike traditional talk therapy, somatic therapy taps into the body’s sensations and physical responses to guide healing. For many, this unique approach offers an effective path to recovery from emotional wounds, especially for those who may feel stuck or overwhelmed by memories or emotions they struggle to verbalize.
Understanding Somatic Therapy
At its core, somatic therapy is based on the idea that our bodies and minds are deeply interconnected. Emotions and trauma are not just mental experiences; they also live within our bodies. Research has shown that traumatic experiences can impact our nervous system, creating physical responses like muscle tension, rapid heartbeat, shallow breathing, or even chronic pain. By focusing on the body, somatic therapy helps people release these stored responses, offering relief without requiring clients to relive painful memories verbally.
Somatic therapy draws from various modalities, including mindfulness, body awareness, and movement practices. The most well-known forms of somatic therapy include Somatic Experiencing (developed by Dr. Peter Levine), Sensorimotor Psychotherapy, and Hakomi. Each approach has its own set of techniques, but they all share the goal of helping clients connect with bodily sensations and safely release pent-up energy.
How Somatic Therapy Works
In a typical somatic therapy session, the therapist and client work together to tune into the client’s bodily sensations. Rather than discussing trauma directly, the therapist might guide the client through exercises to notice areas of tightness, discomfort, or physical tension. Clients are encouraged to observe their breath, heart rate, and muscle responses to bring attention to the physical manifestations of stress or anxiety.
For example, during a session, a therapist might ask a client to focus on a specific feeling of tension in their shoulders or tightness in their chest. By observing and gently exploring these sensations, the client can uncover and process underlying emotional experiences stored in their body. This process allows for emotional release without having to verbally recount painful events, making it particularly helpful for people who find it hard to articulate their trauma or who may be triggered by discussing it directly.
Why Somatic Therapy Can Be So Effective
Somatic therapy’s effectiveness lies in its ability to bypass the cognitive mind, tapping into the body’s innate wisdom to heal. Trauma often overwhelms the rational mind, leaving people in a "fight, flight, or freeze" mode. Traditional talk therapy can be valuable for analyzing experiences, but it may not fully address these body-based responses. Somatic therapy, on the other hand, allows clients to experience physical and emotional release in a safe environment, enabling them to feel grounded and in control of their bodies once again.
For trauma survivors, especially those with experiences of complex trauma, somatic therapy can be profoundly healing. By focusing on bodily sensations, it provides a way to process and integrate trauma without the need to relive it in words. Over time, this process can help clients feel more connected to their bodies, reduce symptoms of anxiety and depression, and cultivate a greater sense of inner peace.
Is Somatic Therapy Right for You?
While somatic therapy isn’t a replacement for all forms of treatment, it can be a powerful complement to traditional talk therapy or a standalone approach for those who feel words alone are insufficient. If you’re interested in exploring somatic therapy, consult a licensed therapist trained in somatic approaches. This gentle, body-centered path to healing may offer you a new way to process pain, one that truly honors the wisdom of your body.

12/10/2024

Kerri is an amazing, beautiful person!! She has helped me through so much, be it for my anxiety, mental health or a new job and she creates such a relaxing, safe environment where you can just be you and comfortable, I look forward to seeing her every week! I truly recommend contacting her ! Mel

02/10/2024

Practice Emotional Self-Care
1. Practice awareness
The first step to solving or improving anything is the awareness that it is there. We become so engrossed in our ideas that we lose track of the feelings emanating from our bodies.
Carrying out a body scan is an excellent way to exercise awareness. I advise you to do this whenever you can, at least once a day.
A body scan essentially involves carefully and individually focusing on every area of your body, working your way down from the top. from your crown to the tips of your toes.
2. Write your emotions and how you feel
I find writing to be a really rewarding exercise especially writing about how I feel. Over time, it has aided in my understanding of how my emotions affect my thoughts and feelings.
What you can do is write about how your day was at the end of every day and focus on any of the particular moments where you experienced stronger emotions and feelings. This can assist you in identifying trends, evaluating the motivations behind your reactions, and figuring out how you wish to handle similar circumstances going forward.
3. Connect to the moment
One of the great ways of being mindful is deep breathing. Simply existing in the present moment without passing judgment is mindfulness.
Breathe through your nose, roll your shoulders, and let your body relax. Instead of attempting to alter the sensations in your body, try to simply perceive them. Keep breathing and just observe and accept them for who they are.
4. Express your emotions to someone you trust
Oh, where would I be without my friends? I really, truly know in my heart that it makes our life so much easier to discuss how we're feeling with someone who will listen and show empathy.
It is with the help of my true friends that I have made it through very difficult days much quicker and in better shape than I could've alone.
If you have even one person in your life that you can confide in, please let them be there for you. You do not cause trouble. If they're a good friend, they would be there for you just as you would be there for them.
5. Take the right steps for your emotions
There are people and situations that no matter what you do will never change and will keep hurting you whenever you interact with them.
To keep your heart safe, decide to establish limits.
6. Regulate the information you receive
There is a lot of news available to us right now that might either upset us or waste our time.
Not that we shouldn't be concerned about the major problems facing the globe, but absorbing copious amounts of information that only serves to exacerbate your misery is not beneficial.
On the other side, filling up our brains with stuff we don't need to know is a waste of our energy because even if it's just reading, it is an activity. Thus, pay attention to how much time you spend consuming news and how that affects your feelings.

07/08/2024

Healthy Relationship Boundaries

Boundary #1: Personal Space and Time
The Need for Individual Autonomy in a Relationship
Physical and emotional privacy is essential for preserving your sanity and sense of self; it is not a luxury. While being devoted to your partner all the time may seem romantic at first, it frequently creates a tense and stuffy atmosphere. Maintaining a healthy balance between "we" and "me" time allows you both to grow as individuals and keeps the partnership vibrant.
Tips to Communicate Your Need for Space
Sincerity is essential. Don't be afraid to let your lover know that you need some personal space. Make your argument using "I" words, such as "I need some alone time to recharge," so that your partner doesn't feel left out or held accountable. It all comes down to compromise and honest communication.
Real-life Example
Consider Alex and Casey, who make it a point to have separate activities one night a week. Tom plays hoops with pals, and Sarah signs up for a reading club. Their time together becomes more meaningful as a result of their time apart, which also promotes personal development.
Boundary #2: Emotional Boundaries
Protecting Your Emotional Well-Being
Your emotions are your responsibility, and the same holds true for your partner. Setting emotional boundaries means understanding that you can’t be the sole emotional support for someone else, nor can they be that for you. Setting this limit is essential to your mental health.
Actionable Steps
To communicate your emotions and what you require, use "I" statements. Establish the practice of checking in with oneself. What are you feeling at the moment? Is this a feeling I have or am I absorbing it from my partner?
Boundary #3: Financial Boundaries
The Role of Financial Independence
Money is often cited as a leading cause of stress in relationships. Setting financial boundaries, such as agreeing on shared expenses or individual spending caps, can thereby greatly reduce mental stress for both parties.
Tips on Having the Money Talk
It's critical to discuss money openly from the beginning of a relationship. Talk about shared budgets, individual earnings, and financial objectives. Openness is essential.
Real-life Example
Jordan and Taylor, who have been together for five years, have a shared account for household expenses but also maintain individual accounts for personal spending. They are able to live freely financially thanks to this arrangement, which doesn't strain their bond.
Boundary #4: Technology and Social Media
The Necessity of Digital Boundaries
Let’s face it, the digital world can be intrusive. It can be annoying and alienating to have your phone beep every minute with social media notifications when you're attempting to have dinner with your significant other.
Tips for Setting Boundaries Around Phone Usage
Set up “no phone zones” or “tech-free times” during the day, especially during meals or other shared activities. This establishes a special area for high-quality communication.
Real-life Example
Morgan and Riley have a rule: no phones at the dinner table. Both of them are less stressed as a result of this straightforward barrier, which has also helped them become more present in their interactions.

01/08/2024

When you feel out of control

08/07/2024

Self-sabotage can manifest in many different behaviours, unique to each person. But there are some common, recurring examples.
You might "forget" a deadline, or fail to prepare a presentation properly, for example. Perhaps you're consistently late to work. You may procrastinate, repeatedly putting off something that you need to do, even though you know you need to finish it.
Maybe you start projects but never finish them. You feel unable to proceed, even when you're presented with an exciting opportunity. Or you may dream of doing something of great personal significance, but never get round to doing anything about it.
Another telltale sign of self-sabotage is that you grind to a halt for no rational reason when you're trying to achieve your goals. The skill and will are there, but something stops you from moving forward.
Self-sabotage is often driven by negative self-talk, where you tell yourself that you're inadequate, or unworthy of success. You find yourself thinking things like, "You can't do that!" "You don't deserve that." "If you try, you'll probably just fail anyway."
We've likely all experienced behaviours like these at some point. But some of us are more prone than others to self-sabotage, and it can be difficult to admit that we're doing it. So, don't ignore or underestimate the signs – self-sabotage can reinforce a misplaced sense of worthlessness and provide a justification for negative thoughts that have no basis in reality.

28/04/2024

You have a choice to choose how you want to treat yourself

18/04/2024

Codependency refers to a pattern of relationships in which one individual becomes overly dependent on their companion emotionally and, at times, psychologically. This dependence is frequently the result of an innate desire to provide for others or a dread of being abandoned or alone.
One partner in a codependent relationship may be willing to forego their own desires, requirements, and even well-being in order to provide for and satisfy the other. This may appear to be affection and devotion, but it is quite the opposite. Unlike healthy relationships, where support and care are mutual and balanced, codependency tilts the scale heavily. One person does most of the giving, often feeling responsible for the other's happiness, problems, and choices.
Codependency may manifest in a multitude of ways. Some may find themselves constantly trying to fix or save their partner, especially if the partner is dealing with issues like addiction or mental health challenges. Others may find it difficult to establish boundaries or say no for fear of upsetting the equilibrium of the relationship. Frequently, the self-esteem of the codependent individual is intricately linked to their capacity to bring joy to their companion or resolve their challenges.
How to tell if you’re in a codependent relationship: 7 signs
1. You want to help others too often
2. You assume responsibility for others
3. You give more than you receive
4. You fear abandonment
5. Your self-worth comes from others’ happiness
6. You care too much what others think
7. You fear change
How to stop being codependent in a relationship:
1. Acknowledge the issue
Commence by identifying and acknowledging within yourself that codependence may be present in the dynamics of your relationship. Acquiring self-awareness is an essential initial phase in effecting constructive transformations.
2. Challenge negative thoughts to shift your perspective
Recognize and challenge the negative beliefs and notions that you hold concerning yourself and your relationship. Substitute them with self-affirming, constructive beliefs. Engaging in the mental exercise of reframing thoughts can facilitate a change in viewpoint and a reduction in codependent behaviors.
3. Step back from taking things personally
Recognize that your value is not determined by the actions and emotions of your partner. It is not within your purview to alter or exert control over the obstacles and feelings that each individual faces.
4. Communicate clearly to set healthy boundaries
Establish unambiguous limits in your partnership. Express your requirements, constraints, and anticipations. In order for a relationship to be healthy, mutual respect and understanding require clear boundaries. Consult with a mental health professional if you are uncertain about the definition of appropriate boundaries.