Full Circle Counselling Echuca

13/02/2025

⭕️ In IFS, aka “Internal Family systems” I see it modelled by experienced practicioners who routinely change the life’s of their clients.

Self-energy is characterised by what are known as the Eight Cs:

🥕 curiosity,
🥕 compassion,
calm 🥕 ,
confidence, 🥕
courage 🥕
clarity, 🥕
creativity and 🥕
connectedness. 🥕

Self-energy allows us to reach our fullest potential, and while we are all naturally born with it, and have the capacity to access it, at times it is blocked because our parts are running the show.

These are the main elements of the IFS model:
⭕️ Exiles,
⭕️ Managers
⭕️ Firefighters and
⭕️ Self-energy.

In IFS the Exiles, Managers, and Firefighters are simply referred to as parts and the understanding is that they exist on a background of Self as manifest in Self-led behaviour or Self-energy

⭕️ All parts are welcome

A big element of the genius of IFS is that all parts are welcome. In IFS we understand that each of our parts has a positive intention for our overall system and the harm mostly arises when we try to suppress our inner parts, push them away and ignore them.

⭕️ When we do this, they become even more extreme and the issues intensify. Even our parts who exhibit destructive behaviours, such as gambling, compulsive shopping or over-eating, have positive intention for us, but the behaviour is just a maladaptive strategy – usually exhibited in the wrong place or at the wrong time (or both) – that can be understood through the IFS lens.

⭕️ Think of a symphony orchestra; all the instruments and performers in the orchestra are important, but the conductor (Self) needs to ensure that all the instruments are in tune and the performers come in and leave at the appropriate time.

If they are not able to be heard inside the symphony orchestra, the temptation for some performers can be to play louder or come in when it is not their allocated time. But a more harmonious approach is for the conductor to ask the various performers to start, stop and adjust their playing and their volume at strategically (and auditorily) pleasing moments. This is the key to audible harmony in the orchestral world and it is also the key to inner psychological harmony in our real world.

⭕️ When Self is the natural leader of the internal system and parts can allow space for Self to lead, there is more internal collaboration and harmony.

⭕️ The standard IFS approach – administered by the conductor (Self) – is to acknowledge the part, understand its role within the individual, ask about its objectives, hopes and fears, and then if appropriate, request that it step back a bit or provide some space for more Self-led behaviour and energy to come in.”

BOOK AT www.Full Circle Counselling or
www.full-circle-counselling.com
0478672867

READ MORE :
https://psychology.org.au/for-members/publications/inpsych/2022/winter-2022/internal-family-systems-therapy

InPsych is the member magazine for the Australian Psychological Society and provides the opportunity for members to feature and share their work and knowledge in psychology.

06/01/2025

We often construct a false dichotomy in global health, pitting relief against development, and assuming only one should happen. For many valid reasons, that one is development. It’s a reductionistic view of global health, and it can leave patients behind.

https://mercyships.org.nz/blog/oped/dichotomy-of-rd/

21/02/2024

The New Yorker

01/02/2023

RECOMMEND READING:

“A book that changes everything - from the legendary Dr Gabor Mate.

'It all starts with waking up... to what our bodies are expressing and our minds are suppressing.'

Western countries invest billions in healthcare, yet mental illness and chronic diseases are on a seemingly unstoppable rise. Nearly 70% of Americans are now on prescription drugs. So what is 'normal' when it comes to health?

Over four decades of clinical experience, renowned physician Dr Gabor Mate has seen how health systems neglect the role that trauma exerts on our bodies and our minds. Medicine often fails to treat the whole person, ignoring how today's culture stresses our bodies, burdens our immune systems and undermines emotional balance.

Now, in his most ambitious and urgent book yet, Dr Mate connects the dots between our personal suffering and the pressures of modern-day living - with disease as a natural reflection of a life spent growing further and further apart from our true selves. But, with deep compassion, he also shows us a pathway to health and healing.”

MORE ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
https://drgabormate.com

04/01/2023

RECOMMEND READING :

Emotional Dependency vs. Love: ⭕️What’s the Difference?

Love: is it an emotion?

Questions to solve the riddle – emotional dependency vs. love

Q1. Are you happy when you are together?

Q2. Are you also happy with your “me” time?

Q3. Does the idea of breaking up fill you with fear?

Q4. Your world has become bigger – Is this love?

How to be emotionally independent?
⭕️Examine yourself
⭕️Create your own happiness
⭕️Show All

⭕️ Most of us are always at conflict within themselves in recognizing their real emotions.

⭕️ The power struggle of emotional dependency vs. love has confused many lovers into believing that their feelings for their partner is love when, in reality, it is a case of emotional dependency.

⭕️A study says the emotional dependency is nothing but a manifestation of addictive behavior in interpersonal relationships and the emotionally dependent person assume the subordinate position to retain the affection of their romantic partner. Such person/persons end up losing their personal identity completely.

⭕️When we fall in love, we also become attached to that person.

⭕️Now, love vs attachment in every relationship has two types of attachments – healthy and unhealthy attachments.

⭕️But these healthy attachment are part of the normal love bonding process, and then there are unhealthy attachments which indicate a type of dependence on the person that does not create the best environment for the love relationship to flourish.

⭕️ Let’s examine what it means to be emotionally dependent on a person, and what that looks like in a love relationship.

⭕️ What does it mean when we talk about emotional attachment? There is a thin line of difference that lies between emotional attachment and emotional dependency.

⭕️ Is love an emotion? Well! Love is a profound emotion and the person/persons in love tend to feel an emotional attachment towards their partner. Being emotionally attached to someone does not mean you are dependent on them for approval.

⭕️ Love dependency or emotional dependency occurs once you start relying on them to give you a sense of your own identity.

⭕️ Emotionally dependent relationships are not considered a healthy form of attachment, because you do not possess your own sense of self or independence. You become emotionally dependent on your partner and will do anything to stay in the relationship, even if it is not a happy one because you fear to be alone.

♥️ Love: is it an emotion?
As mentioned earlier, love is an emotion. Love floods us with feelings, so in that sense, it is indeed felt on an emotional level. But because love originates in the brain, there is a neuroscientific element to it.

⭕️ Researchers have tried to undertand the science behind love but failed to fathom the reason why we love one person and not another. But they hypothesize that we seek partners who remind us of something we experienced in early childhood.

⭕️ So if we grew up in an unhappy home, we tend to gravitate towards partners who will mirror that experience, in an attempt to try and rectify this as an adult.

⭕️ On the contrary, if we grew up in a happy home, we will seek partners that mirror that happiness.

⭕️ The drive to emotional love is motivated by pleasure, so in that way, love is an emotion, one that gives us great pleasure to experience. But never forget that there are chemicals behind that emotion, notably dopamine and serotonin, that flood our brains when we see or think about the object of our love.

⭕️ Those chemicals make us feel good.

⭕️ Questions to solve the riddle – emotional dependency vs. love

-How can we differentiate between healthy love and unhealthy attachment?
- Sometimes the line of difference is blurry. But if you are wondering, ask yourself the following questions –

⭕️-Q1. Are you happy when you are together?
Ans. If your time together is spent laughing, talking about future projects or just chilling holding hands, it is love.

⭕️ But, if your time together is spent arguing or avoiding each other, and you are going over in your head all the way whenever your partner annoys you, it is probably emotional dependency.

⭕️- Q2. Are you also happy with your “me” time?
Ans. If you enjoy your time apart from your partner, using it to enrich your personal wellbeing, seeing friends, working out, all while thinking fondly of the next time you are going to be with your partner, this is love.

⭕️ If time apart fills you with fear and you imagine that your partner is going to find someone else while you are separated, abandoning you, this is an emotional dependency. Not a great place for your head to be, right?

♥️Q3. Does the idea of breaking up fill you with fear?
Ans. If the idea of breaking up fills you with fear, angst, and dread because you just can’t face going through life alone, this is an emotional dependency.

♥️If you look at a potential breakup as the right thing to do because the relationship just isn’t fulfilling anymore, despite you both working at it, this means you are operating from a place of love.

⭕️ Q4. Your world has become bigger – Is this love?
Your world has become bigger - Is this love?

⭕️ Ans. If your world has become bigger thanks to your relationship, this is love.

⭕️ If, on the other hand, your world has become smaller—you do only things with your partner, isolating yourselves from engaging with friends or outside interests—you are emotionally dependent.

⭕️ Your relationship gives you a surplus of peace, happiness, and bliss which means it is love. In contrast, your relationship causes you stress, jealousy, and self-doubt, then it only means you are emotionally dependent.

⭕️ You have identified yourself as emotionally dependent. Now how do you become emotionally independent?

⭕️ How to be emotionally independent?
Here are some steps towards becoming emotionally independent, and growing into a healthier you!

⭕️1. Examine yourself
Take an honest look at your past and present relationships and note the behaviors.

⭕️ Do they all point towards emotional dependence? Ask yourself why you seek approval from others, why you are so fearful of being alone? Does this remind you of something from your childhood?

⭕️ 2. Create your own happiness
Start doing things outside of your relationship, and do not ask your partner for permission.

⭕️ It doesn’t matter if he approves of your project or not; what matters is you begin to add activities to your life that make you feel good and enhance your wellbeing. You don’t need to start big—try adding a small walk outside each day. By yourself.

⭕️ 3. Carve out alone time
Love-dependent people have difficulty being alone.

⭕️ So dedicate some alone time each day, time where you are just sitting in self-awareness. You may use this time to meditate or just listen to your world…if you can do this outside, all the better!

⭕️ If you begin to feel fearful, pay attention to your breathing to try and relax. The goal is to realize that being alone is not a scary place.

⭕️ 4. Affirmative self-talk
Make some new mantras to you tell yourself each day. “I am fierce.” “I am gold.” “I am capable and strong” “I deserve good love”.

These self-messages will be helpful in getting you from relying on someone else for your own happiness to relying on yourself.

⚫️ By Rachael Pace, Expert Blogger
6.5k Reads Updated: 18 Jul, 2019b

28/11/2022

FAVOURITISM & ATTACHMENT

If a child states a favourite parent, it’s one of the few times rejection is a positive thing.

“Being able to reject a parent means that a child knows the love is unconditional.”

22/10/2022

HOW TO HELP THE PEOPLE OF ECHUCA MOAMA & ROCHESTER IN FLOOD … Read tips below:
—————————————————
⚫️ The jobs of relatives & friends who are watching online news updates from afar has never been more important.

⚫️ Locals need clear minded, direct advice and reassurance from those who have slept.

⚫️ Watch for signs of shock in your loved ones when talking to them by phone or text.

⚫️ Help by going over basic procedures that often go overlooked in a crisis.

⚫️ If you’re feeling helpless, you can help by remaining calm and focused.

—————————————————
CRITICAL QUESTIONS TO ASK :
—————————————————
⚫️ Do you have ample medication supplies?

⚫️ Do you have spare water supplies if flood sewerage compromises drinking water?

⚫️ Do you have a phone charger and back up batteries?

⚫️ Are you drinking plenty of water amid the humidity and sandbagging?

⚫️ Are you watching out for displaced snakes and wildlife? Be careful and caring.

⚫️ Have you packed a light bag with medication and essentials in case of sudden evacuation? You may not be able to think clearly when rushed.

⚫️ Are you checking SMS from emergency services before personal ones?

⚫️ Do you have the SES phone number saved to your contacts? 132 500

—————————————————
UNDERSTAND SHOCK :
—————————————————
⚫️ Flood emergencies trigger our brain’s primal survival responses.

⚫️ Severe shock, anxiety and dissociation can flood your adrenal system.

⚫️ Many locals are rushing to protect their families, pets, homes and businesses. This affects blood pressure and mental health.

⚫️ When adrenalin is flooding your brain and body, you may oscillate from feeling a rush of energy to a helpless numbness or even a detached quietness.

⚫️ When people don’t have adequate time to prepare for an emergency they go into Fight, Flight, Freeze or Fawn mode.

—————————————————

WHAT TO LISTEN AND LOOK FOR DURING LEAD UP :
—————————————————

SYMPTOM :

⭕️ BROKEN SENTENCES IN CONVERSATION

If someone is dashing from one sentence to another with their voice trailing off, this can indicate they are in shock and starting to dissociate. They can at times seem too relaxed or in denial. This is the brains way of protecting itself in FREEZE mode.

WHAT THEY NEED:
- Reassurance and patience
- To be allowed to fade in and out
- To not be talked over
- To hear a calm tone
- To have a break from new information
—————————————————

SYMPTOM :

⭕️ TREMBLING HANDS, WEAK STOMACH, BUTTERFLIES, TEARS

These are obvious signs of anxiety, adrenal flooding in FREEZE MODE.

WHAT THEY NEED:
- Oxygen and quiet
- To be reminded to sit down, breathe and count out loud until it passes
- To be reassured that they will plan or respond better if they take a few minutes out first
- To be told you can help

—————————————————

SYMPTOM :

⭕️ DANGEROUS, RUSHED BEHAVIOUR

If your loved one is operating heavy machinery to lift goods to higher ground, check if they’re following simple safety procedures. If they’ve forgetten to wear a hard hat and are driving forklifts or trucks erratically, that’s a sign they are in FIGHT OR FLIGHT MODE.

WHAT THEY NEED:
- To slow down
- To see stern eye contact
- To hear simple, step by step instructions
- To be reminded they are no good to anyone if they hurt or exhaust themselves
- To be offered simple assistance and relieved of decisions.

—————————————————

SYMPTOM :

⭕️ ANGER AND BLAME

If your loved one is in “blame mode” this is the inverse of shame. Many are overwhelmed with shame that they didn’t prepare well enough, aren’t properly insured and don’t know what to do next. It’s natural to flip to blame when this occurs. This is a sign of FIGHT MODE.

WHAT THEY NEED:
- To be reminded it’s no one’s fault
- To be told it’s going to be okay
- To prioritise what matters. Focusing on exact dates of proposed river peaks will only lead to frustration. Natural disasters are unpredictable.
- To concede that we are all doing our best
- To know that the town has a robust community who will help no matter what happens, when
- To hear from those watching from afar that insurance contacts and links to relief funding are being taken care of
- To hear you can help them apply for instant relief funding online if they’re confused and lacking concentration due to stress

—————————————————

SYMPTOM :

⭕️ CONSTANT CHECKING IN BY PHONE OR SOCIAL MEDIA

If someone is texting, calling or checking social media more regularly this can be a sign of FAWN MODE. It’s a sign they need more reassurance.

WHAT THEY NEED:
- To know they haven’t missed anything important.
- To receive a text from you before you text them.
- To have the inundation of conflicting information filtered properly
- To hear that you’ve checked reliable sources and that you will feed through any clear updates from :

⚫️ VIC SES Echuca Unit
⚫️ Coliban Water
⚫️ ABC Central Victoria

- To hear you will inform them of latest road closure information if they are forced to evacuate.

⚫️ Live Traffic VIC:
https://traffic.vicroads.vic.gov.au

⚫️ Live Traffic NSW:
https://www.livetraffic.com/

—————————————————

SYMPTOM :

⭕️ LACK OF SLEEP

During a crisis, lack of sleep leads to lack of concentration and good judgement. At the exact time the body and brain needs rest to gather energy for the coming days, adrenal flooding can lead to restless sleep when on high alert. This is a symptom of all 4 FIGHT, FLIGHT, FREEZE, FAWN modes.

WHAT THEY NEED:

- To be reminded it’s vital to lay still and rest even if sleep evades them.
- A warm cup of milk and honey before bed.
- To know they’ve done all they can and whatever happens, you’ll still be there.
- To visualise the army troops below who are here to help us all.

—————————————————

⚫️ Please share advice for anyone who may need it in the coming week.

Thank you.
Paul Medew - Therapist
Full Circle Counselling Echuca
Email
reception@fullcirclecounselling.com.au
—————————————————

30/09/2022

Visit “Balance” on Instagram here:

https://linktr.ee/BalanceApp

to download your mental health app. Free for an entire year.

19/08/2022

Recommended viewing for anyone navigating adulthood and sometimes opposing needs in relationships.

This HBO series is surprisingly candid and light hearted yet gets to the source to pack an emotional punch.

https://www.hbo.com/togetherness

Learn more about the HBO series Togetherness.

16/08/2022

SOME FREE MARRIAGE THERAPY
“The New Rules of Marriage” By Terrance Real.

🍂 The Five LOSING Strategies

🍂• Needing to be Right

1) Finding out whose view is more “valid” or “accurate.”
2) Leads to endless objectivity battles.
3) Fuels the psychological violence of self-righteous indignation.

🍂• Controlling Your Partner

1) Can be direct or indirect (manipulation).
2) Short of outright coercion, control is an illusion.
3) People don’t like being controlled. 4) Payback is inevitable.

🍂• Unbridled Self-Expression

1) “I have the right and the need to share my feelings with you ‘spontaneously.’”
2)The Idea that all sharing is authentic and will increase closeness.
3)Rarely engenders generosity in others.

🍂 • Retaliation

1) Perverse justice: “Offending from the victim position.”
2) Perverse communication: “Trying to make you feel what I feel.”
3) Can be explicit or covert (passive aggression).

🍂• Withdrawal

1) Differs from responsible distance taking.
2) Stems from either resignation or retaliation.
3) Often masquerades as mature acceptance.

🍃 🍃 🍃 🍃 🍃
🍃 The Five WINNING Strategies

🍃 • Shifting from Complaint to Request

1) Move from a negative/past to a positive/future focus. Don’t criticize – ASK!
2) Make your requests specific, behavioral, and reasonable.

🍃 • Speaking Out with Love and Savvy

1) Contract with your partner to engage in the repair process.
2) Remember love.
3) Use the four steps of the feedback wheel:

🍃 🍃 🍃 🍃 🍃 🍃 🍃 🍃

THE FEEDBACK WHEEL
This requires mature, adult selves to reflect (not react) with honesty.

• What I saw or heard (the issue, the conflict, comment or event causing dissonance)
• What I made up about it
• How I feel about it
• What I’d like
• Let go of outcome

🍃 🍃 🍃 🍃 🍃 🍃 🍃 🍃

🍃 • Responding with Generosity

1) Listen to understand.
2) Acknowledge whatever you can.
3) Give whatever you can.

🍃 • Empowering Each Other

1)Acknowledge the gifts the responder has offered.
2)Ask what you might do to help the responder deliver.
3)Acknowledge whatever you can and give whatever you can.

🍃 • Cherishing

(If you find these notions wishy-washy, you’re simply not trying hard enough to maintain a healthy relationship)

1) Remember abundance.
2) Give your partner specific positive feedback.
3)Nourish yourself and your relationship with time and energy.
4) Practice smart generosity.
5) Inhabit your talents and gifts without owning or disowning them.
6) Give back to the relationship .


🍁 🍁 🍁 🍁 🍁
🍁 The Repair Process:

🍁 • Phase One: Speaking and Listening

1) Speak out with love and savvy
2) Remember love
3) Use the feedback wheel
4) Listen with a generosity
5) Contention becomes curiosity
6) Understand the internal logic of your partner’s experience
7) Questions stop when you can accurately reflect and empathize

🍁• Phase Two: Responding with Generosity

1) Clarify your partner’s wishes
2) Acknowledge whatever you can
3) Give whatever you can

🍁• Phase Three: Empowering Each Other

1) Switch roles
2) Speaker appreciates and then asks how he might help his partner
3) Listener makes a request
4) Speaker acknowledges and gives
5) Both seal deal and appreciate

🍃 RECOMMEND READING : US by Terrance Real

🍃 Note from Full Circle Counselling :

If some of these negative patterns have seeped into your relationship and you require supportive guidance, book an appointment at :

http://www.full-circle-counselling.com/blog/successful-marriage-strategies-from-terrance-real?mibextid=Zxz2cZ

SOME FREE MARRIAGE THERAPY “The New Rules of Marriage” By Terrance Real. 🍂 THE FIVE LOSING STRATEGIES 🍂 Needing to be Right 1) Finding out whose view is more “valid” or “accurate.”...

18/07/2022

SOME FREE MARRIAGE THERAPY
“The New Rules of Marriage” By Terrance Real.

🍂 The Five LOSING Strategies

🍂• Needing to be Right

1) Finding out whose view is more “valid” or “accurate.”
2) Leads to endless objectivity battles.
3) Fuels the psychological violence of self-righteous indignation.

🍂• Controlling Your Partner

1) Can be direct or indirect (manipulation).
2) Short of outright coercion, control is an illusion.
3) People don’t like being controlled. 4) Payback is inevitable.

🍂• Unbridled Self-Expression

1) “I have the right and the need to share my feelings with you ‘spontaneously.’”
2)The Idea that all sharing is authentic and will increase closeness.
3)Rarely engenders generosity in others.

🍂 • Retaliation

1) Perverse justice: “Offending from the victim position.”
2) Perverse communication: “Trying to make you feel what I feel.”
3) Can be explicit or covert (passive aggression).

🍂• Withdrawal

1) Differs from responsible distance taking.
2) Stems from either resignation or retaliation.
3) Often masquerades as mature acceptance.

🍃 🍃 🍃 🍃 🍃
🍃 The Five WINNING Strategies

🍃 • Shifting from Complaint to Request

1) Move from a negative/past to a positive/future focus. Don’t criticize – ASK!
2) Make your requests specific, behavioral, and reasonable.

🍃 • Speaking Out with Love and Savvy

1) Contract with your partner to engage in the repair process.
2) Remember love.
3) Use the four steps of the feedback wheel:

🍃 🍃 🍃 🍃 🍃 🍃 🍃 🍃

THE FEEDBACK WHEEL
This requires mature, adult selves to reflect (not react) with honesty.

• What I saw or heard (the issue, the conflict, comment or event causing dissonance)
• What I made up about it
• How I feel about it
• What I’d like
• Let go of outcome

🍃 🍃 🍃 🍃 🍃 🍃 🍃 🍃

🍃 • Responding with Generosity

1) Listen to understand.
2) Acknowledge whatever you can.
3) Give whatever you can.

🍃 • Empowering Each Other

1)Acknowledge the gifts the responder has offered.
2)Ask what you might do to help the responder deliver.
3)Acknowledge whatever you can and give whatever you can.

🍃 • Cherishing

(If you find these notions wishy-washy, you’re simply not trying hard enough to maintain a healthy relationship)

1) Remember abundance.
2) Give your partner specific positive feedback.
3)Nourish yourself and your relationship with time and energy.
4) Practice smart generosity.
5) Inhabit your talents and gifts without owning or disowning them.
6) Give back to the relationship .


🍁 🍁 🍁 🍁 🍁
🍁 The Repair Process:

🍁 • Phase One: Speaking and Listening

1) Speak out with love and savvy
2) Remember love
3) Use the feedback wheel
4) Listen with a generosity
5) Contention becomes curiosity
6) Understand the internal logic of your partner’s experience
7) Questions stop when you can accurately reflect and empathize

🍁• Phase Two: Responding with Generosity

1) Clarify your partner’s wishes
2) Acknowledge whatever you can
3) Give whatever you can

🍁• Phase Three: Empowering Each Other

1) Switch roles
2) Speaker appreciates and then asks how he might help his partner
3) Listener makes a request
4) Speaker acknowledges and gives
5) Both seal deal and appreciate

🍃 RECOMMEND READING : US by Terrance Real

🍃 Note from Full Circle Counselling :

If some of these negative patterns have seeped into your relationship and you require supportive guidance, book an appointment at www.full-circle-counselling.com

full circle counselling for individuals couples and families in echuca

12/07/2022

🍁 OBSERVING YOUR OWN PARTNERSHIP : Does your partner change when travelling? How can you help?

Within the domestic confines of a relationship, couples find ways to adapt or to avoid stress. It may be over-working, focusing on kids, over eating, cleaning, drinking or exercising. Humans find ingenious ways to dull feelings or distract from tension. Daily routines are created to maintain a sense of control.

Next time you’re on a trip outside the home, observe the behaviour of yourself and your partner.

It is when you’re out of routine, without ready access to your usual comforts and crutches, that your relationship communication style (and ways of resolution) will be revealed.

Confined spaces while travelling in cars for long periods, mixed with unpredictable schedules, new incoming stimuli at airports, hotel lobbys or crowded car parks and lack of access to creature comforts is the perfect stage for insecure parts to step out (and sometimes be quite rude).

Dismissive comments, anxious ticks, impatience and intolerant behaviours may become prominent.

It may be as simple as rushing others at a counter, huffing when someone asks a simple question or ignoring a pre-discussed arrangement due to confusion yourself.

Importantly, communicate your movements to your partner and kids, so everyone is on the same page. Even if it’s a dash to the toilet or 711. The family are already off schedule and out of their familiar routine, chances are, if you’re feeling mildly stressed, they are too.

If things get hairy, be patient with your partner and kids. Understand you’re all running on adrenaline in transit and adapting to the unknown. Talk about that clearly.

🍁 “It’s ok, we’re all lugging suitcases and unclear where we are going, let’s take a breath and work out a plan”

Make a concerted effort to observe the way your partner is dealing with stress and confinement and practice non-judgement. It can be revealing to see how their internal parts react. But instead of taking it personally, this is your chance to help them and be the bigger person. For everyone’s sake.

The key - which can be translated to similar patterns at home too - is to notice when they are struggling and to de-escalate tensions by offering them reassurance or some time to ground. What do they need at this very second? If you recognise a need, assist. If you’re unsure why they’re upset, ask. Reassure. Reconfigure. Reset. And they will return the favour when you’re flustered.

Making a conscious effort to both understand that travel outside the home is gonna bring out some reactive stress and that more often than not, they simply require a very simple gesture of support from their partner (and vice versa) is the best way to turn the car key and head off into the unknown.

Everything can be a teachable moment in relationships.

Be reasonable when your partner is not themselves and the mirroring effect will help balance your relationship immeasurably.