Individual, Couples & Family Counselling Service led by Paul Medew
"When you need to see someone.”
26/11/2025
Repair Beats Perfection Every Time
One of the biggest myths couples carry is this idea that “good relationships don’t have conflict.” That is not true. At all.
Strong couples don’t avoid conflict — they repair well.
Most of us were never taught that perfection doesn’t build closeness. Repair does.
A moment of tension handled with honesty and care does far more for a relationship than a month of pretending everything’s fine.
Repair looks like:
“Hey, I got defensive. I’m sorry.”
“I think we misunderstood each other. Can we reset?”
“I’m listening. Let’s try again.”
“That wasn’t fair of me — thank you for telling me.”
“I still love you. Let’s work this out.”
Repair isn’t weakness. Repair is courage. Repair says: “Us staying connected matters more than me being right.”
And when a couple learns how to repair, something amazing happens — the relationship becomes more flexible, safer, and more alive. Conflict stops being a threat and becomes a chance to understand each other better.
If you’re in a rough patch, don’t aim for perfect.
Aim for repair. That’s where real relationships grow.
Call now to connect with business.
13/02/2025
⭕️ In IFS, aka “Internal Family systems” I see it modelled by experienced practicioners who routinely change the life’s of their clients.
Self-energy is characterised by what are known as the Eight Cs:
Self-energy allows us to reach our fullest potential, and while we are all naturally born with it, and have the capacity to access it, at times it is blocked because our parts are running the show.
These are the main elements of the IFS model:
⭕️ Exiles,
⭕️ Managers
⭕️ Firefighters and
⭕️ Self-energy.
In IFS the Exiles, Managers, and Firefighters are simply referred to as parts and the understanding is that they exist on a background of Self as manifest in Self-led behaviour or Self-energy
⭕️ All parts are welcome
A big element of the genius of IFS is that all parts are welcome. In IFS we understand that each of our parts has a positive intention for our overall system and the harm mostly arises when we try to suppress our inner parts, push them away and ignore them.
⭕️ When we do this, they become even more extreme and the issues intensify. Even our parts who exhibit destructive behaviours, such as gambling, compulsive shopping or over-eating, have positive intention for us, but the behaviour is just a maladaptive strategy – usually exhibited in the wrong place or at the wrong time (or both) – that can be understood through the IFS lens.
⭕️ Think of a symphony orchestra; all the instruments and performers in the orchestra are important, but the conductor (Self) needs to ensure that all the instruments are in tune and the performers come in and leave at the appropriate time.
If they are not able to be heard inside the symphony orchestra, the temptation for some performers can be to play louder or come in when it is not their allocated time. But a more harmonious approach is for the conductor to ask the various performers to start, stop and adjust their playing and their volume at strategically (and auditorily) pleasing moments. This is the key to audible harmony in the orchestral world and it is also the key to inner psychological harmony in our real world.
⭕️ When Self is the natural leader of the internal system and parts can allow space for Self to lead, there is more internal collaboration and harmony.
⭕️ The standard IFS approach – administered by the conductor (Self) – is to acknowledge the part, understand its role within the individual, ask about its objectives, hopes and fears, and then if appropriate, request that it step back a bit or provide some space for more Self-led behaviour and energy to come in.”
InPsych is the member magazine for the Australian Psychological Society and provides the opportunity for members to feature and share their work and knowledge in psychology.
06/01/2025
We often construct a false dichotomy in global health, pitting relief against development, and assuming only one should happen. For many valid reasons, that one is development. It’s a reductionistic view of global health, and it can leave patients behind.
“A book that changes everything - from the legendary Dr Gabor Mate.
'It all starts with waking up... to what our bodies are expressing and our minds are suppressing.'
Western countries invest billions in healthcare, yet mental illness and chronic diseases are on a seemingly unstoppable rise. Nearly 70% of Americans are now on prescription drugs. So what is 'normal' when it comes to health?
Over four decades of clinical experience, renowned physician Dr Gabor Mate has seen how health systems neglect the role that trauma exerts on our bodies and our minds. Medicine often fails to treat the whole person, ignoring how today's culture stresses our bodies, burdens our immune systems and undermines emotional balance.
Now, in his most ambitious and urgent book yet, Dr Mate connects the dots between our personal suffering and the pressures of modern-day living - with disease as a natural reflection of a life spent growing further and further apart from our true selves. But, with deep compassion, he also shows us a pathway to health and healing.”
If a child states a favourite parent, it’s one of the few times rejection is a positive thing.
“Being able to reject a parent means that a child knows the love is unconditional.”
22/10/2022
HOW TO HELP THE PEOPLE OF ECHUCA MOAMA & ROCHESTER IN FLOOD … Read tips below:
—————————————————
⚫️ The jobs of relatives & friends who are watching online news updates from afar has never been more important.
⚫️ Locals need clear minded, direct advice and reassurance from those who have slept.
⚫️ Watch for signs of shock in your loved ones when talking to them by phone or text.
⚫️ Help by going over basic procedures that often go overlooked in a crisis.
⚫️ If you’re feeling helpless, you can help by remaining calm and focused.
—————————————————
CRITICAL QUESTIONS TO ASK :
—————————————————
⚫️ Do you have ample medication supplies?
⚫️ Do you have spare water supplies if flood sewerage compromises drinking water?
⚫️ Do you have a phone charger and back up batteries?
⚫️ Are you drinking plenty of water amid the humidity and sandbagging?
⚫️ Are you watching out for displaced snakes and wildlife? Be careful and caring.
⚫️ Have you packed a light bag with medication and essentials in case of sudden evacuation? You may not be able to think clearly when rushed.
⚫️ Are you checking SMS from emergency services before personal ones?
⚫️ Do you have the SES phone number saved to your contacts? 132 500
⚫️ Severe shock, anxiety and dissociation can flood your adrenal system.
⚫️ Many locals are rushing to protect their families, pets, homes and businesses. This affects blood pressure and mental health.
⚫️ When adrenalin is flooding your brain and body, you may oscillate from feeling a rush of energy to a helpless numbness or even a detached quietness.
⚫️ When people don’t have adequate time to prepare for an emergency they go into Fight, Flight, Freeze or Fawn mode.
—————————————————
WHAT TO LISTEN AND LOOK FOR DURING LEAD UP :
—————————————————
SYMPTOM :
⭕️ BROKEN SENTENCES IN CONVERSATION
If someone is dashing from one sentence to another with their voice trailing off, this can indicate they are in shock and starting to dissociate. They can at times seem too relaxed or in denial. This is the brains way of protecting itself in FREEZE mode.
WHAT THEY NEED:
- Reassurance and patience
- To be allowed to fade in and out
- To not be talked over
- To hear a calm tone
- To have a break from new information
—————————————————
These are obvious signs of anxiety, adrenal flooding in FREEZE MODE.
WHAT THEY NEED:
- Oxygen and quiet
- To be reminded to sit down, breathe and count out loud until it passes
- To be reassured that they will plan or respond better if they take a few minutes out first
- To be told you can help
—————————————————
SYMPTOM :
⭕️ DANGEROUS, RUSHED BEHAVIOUR
If your loved one is operating heavy machinery to lift goods to higher ground, check if they’re following simple safety procedures. If they’ve forgetten to wear a hard hat and are driving forklifts or trucks erratically, that’s a sign they are in FIGHT OR FLIGHT MODE.
WHAT THEY NEED:
- To slow down
- To see stern eye contact
- To hear simple, step by step instructions
- To be reminded they are no good to anyone if they hurt or exhaust themselves
- To be offered simple assistance and relieved of decisions.
—————————————————
SYMPTOM :
⭕️ ANGER AND BLAME
If your loved one is in “blame mode” this is the inverse of shame. Many are overwhelmed with shame that they didn’t prepare well enough, aren’t properly insured and don’t know what to do next. It’s natural to flip to blame when this occurs. This is a sign of FIGHT MODE.
WHAT THEY NEED:
- To be reminded it’s no one’s fault
- To be told it’s going to be okay
- To prioritise what matters. Focusing on exact dates of proposed river peaks will only lead to frustration. Natural disasters are unpredictable.
- To concede that we are all doing our best
- To know that the town has a robust community who will help no matter what happens, when
- To hear from those watching from afar that insurance contacts and links to relief funding are being taken care of
- To hear you can help them apply for instant relief funding online if they’re confused and lacking concentration due to stress
—————————————————
SYMPTOM :
⭕️ CONSTANT CHECKING IN BY PHONE OR SOCIAL MEDIA
If someone is texting, calling or checking social media more regularly this can be a sign of FAWN MODE. It’s a sign they need more reassurance.
WHAT THEY NEED:
- To know they haven’t missed anything important.
- To receive a text from you before you text them.
- To have the inundation of conflicting information filtered properly
- To hear that you’ve checked reliable sources and that you will feed through any clear updates from :
⚫️ VIC SES Echuca Unit
⚫️ Coliban Water
⚫️ ABC Central Victoria
- To hear you will inform them of latest road closure information if they are forced to evacuate.
During a crisis, lack of sleep leads to lack of concentration and good judgement. At the exact time the body and brain needs rest to gather energy for the coming days, adrenal flooding can lead to restless sleep when on high alert. This is a symptom of all 4 FIGHT, FLIGHT, FREEZE, FAWN modes.
WHAT THEY NEED:
- To be reminded it’s vital to lay still and rest even if sleep evades them.
- A warm cup of milk and honey before bed.
- To know they’ve done all they can and whatever happens, you’ll still be there.
- To visualise the army troops below who are here to help us all.
—————————————————
⚫️ Please share advice for anyone who may need it in the coming week.
to download your mental health app. Free for an entire year.
19/08/2022
Recommended viewing for anyone navigating adulthood and sometimes opposing needs in relationships.
This HBO series is surprisingly candid and light hearted yet gets to the source to pack an emotional punch.
Learn more about the HBO series Togetherness.
16/08/2022
SOME FREE MARRIAGE THERAPY
“The New Rules of Marriage” By Terrance Real.
🍂 The Five LOSING Strategies
🍂• Needing to be Right
1) Finding out whose view is more “valid” or “accurate.”
2) Leads to endless objectivity battles.
3) Fuels the psychological violence of self-righteous indignation.
🍂• Controlling Your Partner
1) Can be direct or indirect (manipulation).
2) Short of outright coercion, control is an illusion.
3) People don’t like being controlled. 4) Payback is inevitable.
🍂• Unbridled Self-Expression
1) “I have the right and the need to share my feelings with you ‘spontaneously.’”
2)The Idea that all sharing is authentic and will increase closeness.
3)Rarely engenders generosity in others.
🍂 • Retaliation
1) Perverse justice: “Offending from the victim position.”
2) Perverse communication: “Trying to make you feel what I feel.”
3) Can be explicit or covert (passive aggression).
🍂• Withdrawal
1) Differs from responsible distance taking.
2) Stems from either resignation or retaliation.
3) Often masquerades as mature acceptance.
🍃 🍃 🍃 🍃 🍃
🍃 The Five WINNING Strategies
🍃 • Shifting from Complaint to Request
1) Move from a negative/past to a positive/future focus. Don’t criticize – ASK!
2) Make your requests specific, behavioral, and reasonable.
🍃 • Speaking Out with Love and Savvy
1) Contract with your partner to engage in the repair process.
2) Remember love.
3) Use the four steps of the feedback wheel:
🍃 🍃 🍃 🍃 🍃 🍃 🍃 🍃
THE FEEDBACK WHEEL
This requires mature, adult selves to reflect (not react) with honesty.
• What I saw or heard (the issue, the conflict, comment or event causing dissonance)
• What I made up about it
• How I feel about it
• What I’d like
• Let go of outcome
🍃 🍃 🍃 🍃 🍃 🍃 🍃 🍃
🍃 • Responding with Generosity
1) Listen to understand.
2) Acknowledge whatever you can.
3) Give whatever you can.
🍃 • Empowering Each Other
1)Acknowledge the gifts the responder has offered.
2)Ask what you might do to help the responder deliver.
3)Acknowledge whatever you can and give whatever you can.
🍃 • Cherishing
(If you find these notions wishy-washy, you’re simply not trying hard enough to maintain a healthy relationship)
1) Remember abundance.
2) Give your partner specific positive feedback.
3)Nourish yourself and your relationship with time and energy.
4) Practice smart generosity.
5) Inhabit your talents and gifts without owning or disowning them.
6) Give back to the relationship .
🍁 🍁 🍁 🍁 🍁
🍁 The Repair Process:
🍁 • Phase One: Speaking and Listening
1) Speak out with love and savvy
2) Remember love
3) Use the feedback wheel
4) Listen with a generosity
5) Contention becomes curiosity
6) Understand the internal logic of your partner’s experience
7) Questions stop when you can accurately reflect and empathize
🍁• Phase Two: Responding with Generosity
1) Clarify your partner’s wishes
2) Acknowledge whatever you can
3) Give whatever you can
🍁• Phase Three: Empowering Each Other
1) Switch roles
2) Speaker appreciates and then asks how he might help his partner
3) Listener makes a request
4) Speaker acknowledges and gives
5) Both seal deal and appreciate
🍃 RECOMMEND READING : US by Terrance Real
🍃 Note from Full Circle Counselling :
If some of these negative patterns have seeped into your relationship and you require supportive guidance, book an appointment at :
SOME FREE MARRIAGE THERAPY “The New Rules of Marriage” By Terrance Real. 🍂 THE FIVE LOSING STRATEGIES 🍂 Needing to be Right 1) Finding out whose view is more “valid” or “accurate.”...
18/07/2022
SOME FREE MARRIAGE THERAPY
“The New Rules of Marriage” By Terrance Real.
🍂 The Five LOSING Strategies
🍂• Needing to be Right
1) Finding out whose view is more “valid” or “accurate.”
2) Leads to endless objectivity battles.
3) Fuels the psychological violence of self-righteous indignation.
🍂• Controlling Your Partner
1) Can be direct or indirect (manipulation).
2) Short of outright coercion, control is an illusion.
3) People don’t like being controlled. 4) Payback is inevitable.
🍂• Unbridled Self-Expression
1) “I have the right and the need to share my feelings with you ‘spontaneously.’”
2)The Idea that all sharing is authentic and will increase closeness.
3)Rarely engenders generosity in others.
🍂 • Retaliation
1) Perverse justice: “Offending from the victim position.”
2) Perverse communication: “Trying to make you feel what I feel.”
3) Can be explicit or covert (passive aggression).
🍂• Withdrawal
1) Differs from responsible distance taking.
2) Stems from either resignation or retaliation.
3) Often masquerades as mature acceptance.
🍃 🍃 🍃 🍃 🍃
🍃 The Five WINNING Strategies
🍃 • Shifting from Complaint to Request
1) Move from a negative/past to a positive/future focus. Don’t criticize – ASK!
2) Make your requests specific, behavioral, and reasonable.
🍃 • Speaking Out with Love and Savvy
1) Contract with your partner to engage in the repair process.
2) Remember love.
3) Use the four steps of the feedback wheel:
🍃 🍃 🍃 🍃 🍃 🍃 🍃 🍃
THE FEEDBACK WHEEL
This requires mature, adult selves to reflect (not react) with honesty.
• What I saw or heard (the issue, the conflict, comment or event causing dissonance)
• What I made up about it
• How I feel about it
• What I’d like
• Let go of outcome
🍃 🍃 🍃 🍃 🍃 🍃 🍃 🍃
🍃 • Responding with Generosity
1) Listen to understand.
2) Acknowledge whatever you can.
3) Give whatever you can.
🍃 • Empowering Each Other
1)Acknowledge the gifts the responder has offered.
2)Ask what you might do to help the responder deliver.
3)Acknowledge whatever you can and give whatever you can.
🍃 • Cherishing
(If you find these notions wishy-washy, you’re simply not trying hard enough to maintain a healthy relationship)
1) Remember abundance.
2) Give your partner specific positive feedback.
3)Nourish yourself and your relationship with time and energy.
4) Practice smart generosity.
5) Inhabit your talents and gifts without owning or disowning them.
6) Give back to the relationship .
🍁 🍁 🍁 🍁 🍁
🍁 The Repair Process:
🍁 • Phase One: Speaking and Listening
1) Speak out with love and savvy
2) Remember love
3) Use the feedback wheel
4) Listen with a generosity
5) Contention becomes curiosity
6) Understand the internal logic of your partner’s experience
7) Questions stop when you can accurately reflect and empathize
🍁• Phase Two: Responding with Generosity
1) Clarify your partner’s wishes
2) Acknowledge whatever you can
3) Give whatever you can
🍁• Phase Three: Empowering Each Other
1) Switch roles
2) Speaker appreciates and then asks how he might help his partner
3) Listener makes a request
4) Speaker acknowledges and gives
5) Both seal deal and appreciate
🍃 RECOMMEND READING : US by Terrance Real
🍃 Note from Full Circle Counselling :
If some of these negative patterns have seeped into your relationship and you require supportive guidance, book an appointment at
full circle counselling for individuals couples and families in echuca
12/07/2022
🍁 OBSERVING YOUR OWN PARTNERSHIP : Does your partner change when travelling? How can you help?
Within the domestic confines of a relationship, couples find ways to adapt or to avoid stress. It may be over-working, focusing on kids, over eating, cleaning, drinking or exercising. Humans find ingenious ways to dull feelings or distract from tension. Daily routines are created to maintain a sense of control.
Next time you’re on a trip outside the home, observe the behaviour of yourself and your partner.
It is when you’re out of routine, without ready access to your usual comforts and crutches, that your relationship communication style (and ways of resolution) will be revealed.
Confined spaces while travelling in cars for long periods, mixed with unpredictable schedules, new incoming stimuli at airports, hotel lobbys or crowded car parks and lack of access to creature comforts is the perfect stage for insecure parts to step out (and sometimes be quite rude).
Dismissive comments, anxious ticks, impatience and intolerant behaviours may become prominent.
It may be as simple as rushing others at a counter, huffing when someone asks a simple question or ignoring a pre-discussed arrangement due to confusion yourself.
Importantly, communicate your movements to your partner and kids, so everyone is on the same page. Even if it’s a dash to the toilet or 711. The family are already off schedule and out of their familiar routine, chances are, if you’re feeling mildly stressed, they are too.
If things get hairy, be patient with your partner and kids. Understand you’re all running on adrenaline in transit and adapting to the unknown. Talk about that clearly.
🍁 “It’s ok, we’re all lugging suitcases and unclear where we are going, let’s take a breath and work out a plan”
Make a concerted effort to observe the way your partner is dealing with stress and confinement and practice non-judgement. It can be revealing to see how their internal parts react. But instead of taking it personally, this is your chance to help them and be the bigger person. For everyone’s sake.
The key - which can be translated to similar patterns at home too - is to notice when they are struggling and to de-escalate tensions by offering them reassurance or some time to ground. What do they need at this very second? If you recognise a need, assist. If you’re unsure why they’re upset, ask. Reassure. Reconfigure. Reset. And they will return the favour when you’re flustered.
Making a conscious effort to both understand that travel outside the home is gonna bring out some reactive stress and that more often than not, they simply require a very simple gesture of support from their partner (and vice versa) is the best way to turn the car key and head off into the unknown.
Everything can be a teachable moment in relationships.
Be reasonable when your partner is not themselves and the mirroring effect will help balance your relationship immeasurably.
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"I think I need to see someone,"
It’s not an uncommon meandering, when things seem overwhelming and we are at a loss as to how to break the circuit on a negative cycle.
People seek therapy for very genuine and personal reasons.
Booking in for counselling is the first step in one of the most important things you may ever do.
As research in the psychology field advances, so too do the varied approaches undertaken by therapeutic professionals.
Led by Paul Medew, our work at Full Circle Counselling aims to guide clients through their own unfolding self-discovery, mining ways to uncover and understand the personal issues that arise.
Perhaps most importantly, in this practice, we work in a dedicated fashion toward enduring, realistic change for all involved. It is our ultimate goal.
Our professional approach involves a meaningful and collaborative process of shared understanding, that leads to sustained transformation.
Practice Founder Paul Medew's professional experience with specialist therapeutic modalities assist you, the client in gaining the confidence to find your own answers to complex questions, thus partaking in your own growth.
"I often hear when meeting new clients that they have been dissatisfied with the clinical, text-book approaches they've previously encountered in counselling. At Full Circle, we aim to nurture a genuine relationship with our clients, knowing that research supports the idea that the relationship between client and therapist is the primary means of fostering real change with long term benefits for all."
Paul Medew,
Founder, Full Circle Counselling.
www.fullcirclecounselling.com.au
Paul I. Medew
Founder Full Circle Counselling
Paul I. Medew is a Family Therapist & Generalist Counsellor working out of consulting rooms in Echuca/Moama. He provides evidence-based psychological assistance to individuals, couples and families facing an array of life stressors and psychological challenges.
Paul was born in Papua New Guinea and grew up in Brisbane. After settling in Melbourne, he returned to study psychology as a mature age student after working for a decade as a professional recording and touring musician. He has worked as an IT professional, research assistant and social media manager. He continues to record and tour with the band Custard and has a daughter, aged 8.
Paul draws extensively from his broad life experience in his work in order to work closely on a human level with his clients. He is a voracious reader of all genres and a dedicated film and history buff.
While he has firmly committed to IFS and parts work as a mode of enduring therapeutic recovery, Paul also has a keen interest in keeping abreast of evidence-based practice and the ways in which new and emerging treatment approaches and techniques are being introduced into and influencing modern therapy.After attaining a Post-Graduate Degree of Psychology, Paul went on to complete a Master of Family Therapy through the prestigious Bouverie Centre in Melbourne. He has worked in Melbourne as a generalist counsellor, a drug and alcohol counsellor before expanding into relationship therapy - his specialty - whilst being employed at Relationships Australia as a couples counsellor.
Throughout his career he has continued to study and expand on areas of professional interest. Paul utilises a range of evidence based practices including IFS (Internal Family Systems), Attachment Theory, EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing) which he employs during his sessions. He uses a relaxed, person-centred approach and maintains that a strong therapeutic alliance between therapist and patient is at the core of a successful counselling session.
Paul made a tree change and relocated to regional Victoria from Melbourne in 2019.
He has established Full Circle Counselling; a private practice in the booming Murray River townships of Echuca/Moama, to primarily address the lack of Relationship and Family Therapy specialists in remote areas and as an accessible resource for those seeking relaxed, effective, affordable counselling from an experienced professional in a safe, supported and confidential setting.
He principally works with couples, families, individuals (adolescents and adults) in a counselling capacity. He is particularly attuned to working with people wanting to explore purpose and develop better relationship harmony in their lives, both with others and self.
Areas of practice
Relationship and interpersonal issues
Parenting
Family Crisis
Men’s Mental Health Issues
Identity, Values, Meaning and Purpose
Self-improvement and Personal Growth
Depression and stress
Sexuality
Generalised Anxiety
Social Anxiety
Panic Attacks
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder
Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)
Complex and Childhood Trauma
Substance Abuse & Dependence
Anger Management
Grief, loss & bereavement
Academic Qualifications:
Post Graduate Diploma in Psychology - Swinburne University
Masters in Clinical Family Therapy - Bouverie Centre
Graduate Certificate in Family Therapy - Bouverie Centre
Bachelor of Arts major in Psychology - Monash University
Introduction to Adolescent Counselling - Monash University
Certificate IV in AOD Work - Turning Point
Emotion Focussed Therapy Level 1
EMDR Level 1
Coherence Therapy Level 1
Internal Family Systems Level 1 + 2
CRAF Specialist Training
Certified SMART Facilitator
Forensic AOD Workforce Training
Motivational Interviewing Foundation Training
