Kara Ockendon - Collaborative Family Law Facilitator & Coach

09/04/2026

Most people don’t plan to end up in conflict post separation.

In fact, most people have the best of intentions to remain amicable.
And somehow for many, it does end up in conflict - in varying degrees.

Not because they are bad people.
And not because they want conflict or are ill intentioned.

But because break-ups activate something deeper in almost all human beings.

Emotions are heightened.
Functioning is impaired.
Communication breaks down.
Small things tend to escalate quickly.

And before you know it, you’re not seeing things so clearly and reacting in ways you didn’t expect.

This is more common than people realise.

It doesn’t mean you’ve done anything wrong.
And it does not mean you are failing or going crazy.

It means you’re normal human being in a situation that requires a different level of awareness and support.

08/04/2026

Is “I’m sorry” really what repairs conflict?

For so many of us, that’s what we were taught.

Say sorry and try better next time.

But in my experience… it’s not that simple.

I see people apologising all the time in relationships, yet the same patterns, hurt, and disconnection keep repeating.

Because in truth, real repair isn’t just about words.

Sometimes, connection may be restored without a single apology being spoken.

And sometimes… the apology we’re waiting for isn’t actually what we need.

In my latest article, I explore:

✨ why apologies alone often don’t create real change
✨ what a true “amends” actually looks like
✨ and how shifting your focus can completely change the way you experience conflict

If you’re navigating conflict, separation, or challenging dynamics, this piece may offer a different lens that softens your experience of conflict!

01/04/2026

Separation is not only something many people experience at least once in their lives, but also one of the most advised-on experiences, much like the well-meaning advice new parents receive.

Only in this instance, it is not “don’t rock the baby to sleep” or “let them eat dirt,” it is more like:

“Be careful.”
“Protect yourself.”
“Don’t be naïve.”

But as any parent will know, not all advice is aligned, and not all pathways lead to the outcomes people actually want.

This piece explores the challenges of approaching separation differently, and why aligning yourself with the right support team to stay connected to your vision is so important.

When you choose to approach separation differently, more consciously, collaboratively, and with intention, you will almost always meet resistance. “Be careful.

20/03/2026

Tomorrow is a big day for me and my bi-nuclear family.

My son’s father and I will be recommencing cohabitation after 3.5 years living separately.

This was not our first choice, but in response to the realities of the current housing landscape.

For many, this wouldn’t be possible.
It’s not traditional.
And it’s certainly not for everyone.

But for us, it is the most aligned option right now.

When our 6-year-old draws his family as one connected unit, despite living across two homes since he was almost 3, it reminds us that perhaps we are doing something right here.

This is possible for us because we:

- chose a conscious and collaborative pathway through separation
- continue to filter out external noise and projected opinions
- prioritise not just being child-focused, but parent-wellbeing focused, because we understand that children's wellbeing is dependent upon parents being well, secure and resourced.

As housing pressures increase, I am seeing more families explore non-traditional post-separation arrangements.

The question is not whether these models are “right” or “wrong”, but whether they are resourced, intentional, and workable for the unique families who explore them.

I am wondering what non-traditional arrangements have others seen work well for separating families and what do you think makes them sustainable?

20/02/2026

Divorce is not about “fairness.”

I hear it so often in separation conversations:
“That’s not fair.”

It’s usually followed by a long list of reasons about contributions, sacrifices, or what happened in the relationship.

And I understand it.

When everything feels uncertain, fairness can feel like safety.

But in my experience, separation is rarely about simple percentages or who “deserves” what.

What matters most is creating outcomes that support the future of the whole family, emotionally, practically, and financially.

When that becomes the focus, conflict often softens.
Clarity grows.

And more sustainable pathways begin to emerge.

If you’re navigating separation and feeling stuck in the “fair vs unfair” spiral, you don’t have to carry it alone.

You’re welcome to reach out and connect.

18/02/2026

Last night I had the privilege of presenting alongside the amazing Karin Littleton, Emma Alderson of EKA Wealth and Zoe Kowalski.

Together we brought knowledge, perspective, clarity and power to a number of individuals navigating separation.

If you are moving through separation or supporting someone who is, it is not too late to access this foundational workshop.

What you will learn:

- The importance of your health to clear thinking and decision making;

- Steps you can take to prepare for your financial future as a single;

- Whether refinancing to keep the home may be an option for you;

- How the separate in a manner to preserves health, wealth & relationships.

Because information = power when it comes to separation and divorce!

11/02/2026

In a world of AI and easily accessible online “lived experience” advice, more people navigating separation are tempted to skip professional support to save money.

I understand why. Separation is financially and emotionally stressful and the strain of the cost of living is being deeply felt.

But here’s the reality: relying on AI and online advice alone can be incredibly risky when you:

- don’t feed it the right information;
- know the right questions to ask; or
- understand where the blind spots lie.

Not to mention it is often incomplete, misleading or simply incorrect.

Just today, a colleague shared an recent account of DIY financial consent orders that came across their desk after resulting in around $40,000 in avoidable tax consequences. Professional advice could have prevented this outcome for a fraction of that cost.

I’ve also seen clients receive emails clearly written by AI, filled with legal threats and pressure, that the sender hadn’t even properly read themselves.

In one case, a calm, collaborative response I supported my client to deliver in response to such, revealed that the sender hadn’t intended half of what was written and did not understand the implications as it was written in AI legalese.

Thankfully, crisis was averted in that instance, but for others it could have lead to high conflict and court rooms unnecessarily, at profound cost to all.

When nervous systems are activated, as they often are during separation, people are far more likely to react impulsively like this, outsource communication, and make decisions they later regret.

And don’t even get me started on the misinformation circulating in online groups and social media 😬

With powerful tools like AI and mixed-quality advice everywhere, it’s more important than ever to pause, get informed properly, and seek the right support even for decisions that feel “small”, like sending an email about selling or refinancing a home.

06/02/2026

In separation, “winning” isn’t about what you gain.

It’s about what you save your family from losing 💛

Time. Peace. Health. Stability. Connection.

An outcome that’s better than your worst day
is already a success.

Sometimes, that’s the real victory.

03/02/2026

“But I’m only asking for 10% more…”

Or perhaps more realistically:

“It’s only 10%, I’m entitled to it… they’re just being difficult and controlling by refusing.”

This is a very common theme I see in financial separation discussions, and it’s also one where the other person’s position is often deeply misunderstood.

Because in real terms, a 10% adjustment is not a 10% difference.

A 60/40 split creates a 20% disparity between two lives trying to re-establish.

On paper, percentages can feel small, neat, and abstract.

In lived reality, they translate into housing options, financial security, stress levels, and the capacity for both people to move forward sustainably.

When this is understood, another perspective often becomes visible.

The other person may not be acting from control or stubbornness at all, but from very real pressure around creating a stable and viable future for themselves too.

This doesn’t mean unequal outcomes are never appropriate, often they absolutely are. And it doesn’t mean percentages don’t matter.

But when decisions are driven purely by percentages, false assumptions can quietly fuel unnecessary conflict.

When the focus shifts to impact and what actually works in practice for both people and any children, the tone of the separation process often changes.

And when that happens, more workable and sustainable outcomes tend to emerge naturally.

02/02/2026

INFO = PROTECTION

During separation, uncertainty isn’t just uncomfortable, it’s destabilising.

When people don’t understand their options, their nervous systems stay in survival mode. Decisions get rushed. Conflict escalates.

Fear drives reactivity and adversarial strategy instead of clarity and grounded responses.

Information may take time to obtain and process, yet it is power.

It creates choice.

It allows people to slow down, understand what actually matters, and make decisions that protect their future.

Emotionally, financially and relationally.

If you are moving through separation or divorce or know someone who is, you may find some power in my upcoming collaborative free online workshop.

24/01/2026

If you’re navigating separation or divorce and feeling unsure where to start rebuilding, this space is for you!

Home, Health & Wealth – Online Workshop
A calm, practical session to support your next chapter with clarity, confidence and care.

🏡 Housing clarity
💗 Health as an investment
💰 Financial foundations
🤝 A calmer approach to separation

📍 Online | 1 hour
🎟 Tickets via Humantix - below

You don’t need to have it all figured out.
You just need a place to start.

07/01/2026

A new year doesn’t ask you to become someone else.

It doesn’t require a new identity, a rewritten story, or forced optimism.

What it does invite is support.

Support that helps your nervous system soften.
Support that allows old patterns to be seen without shame.
Support that creates space for healing to unfold naturally, rather than being pushed.

If you’re entering the new year carrying more than you’d like, you don’t have to carry it alone.

And if you’re ready for deeper post-separation transformation in 2026, my signature Cycle Breakers: Conscious & Collaborative Uncoupling Mastery program begins in late February.

Registrations for this limited-place, bespoke offering are now open.