Soul Healing with Kara Ockendon

27/10/2025

23/10/2025

21/10/2025

16/10/2025

There is this story in society that once we severe rhe romantic partnership, we have to drop them all together because "I owe them nothing" and "they are not my responsibility".

And this may be true, but doesn't mean care and compassion can't co-exist with new boundaries.

It is also true that as a co-parent you have responsibilities to your children. And taking reasonable steps to see them have 2 healthy thriving parents (where it is safe) is generally in the interests of children.

17/09/2025

You are likely a source of communication dysfunction and experiences of invalidation in your separation or divorce, not an easy pill to swallow.

Here’s what’s really happening:

• Grief, anger and fear hijack your nervous system.
• Old wounds (abandonment, shame, not-enoughness) get triggered and projected.
• Conversations meant to connect become battlegrounds.

Left unmanaged, these patterns:

• Escalate conflict
• Increase legal and emotional costs
• Harm children through emotional dumping or triangulation

You can choose something different.

The fastest, most effective place to start is learning how to communicate from a regulated place.

17/09/2025

Fact: Most of us are unintentionally part of the communication problem.

Here's a story of how....

A friend recently told me how proud they felt for expressing her feelings to her partner… until the moment turned sour.

Here’s how it went:

Partner: “You don’t understand X topic…”

Friend: “Stop phrasing things like, ‘You’re too stupid to have this conversation with me.’”

Partner: “I didn’t say that you were stupid or imply it”

And just like that, the whole conversation derailed.

Why? Because my friend wasn’t actually expressing their feelings.

They were reacting from an old wound of feeling “stupid,” and projected it onto their partner. The partner then got defensive.

They went nowhere.

This kind of dysfunctional communication dance is so common across all relationships.

And in the chaos of separation, when nervous systems are already running hot, these patterns tend to become exacerbated and even more destructive.

The good news? With the right tools, you can shift these dynamics.

That’s exactly why I teach conscious communication principles right from Module 1 of Financial Separation Made Easy.

The full revamped program is still a couple weeks off launching.

But for the next 48 hours only (until Sept 19, 2025) you can access the full version of the Introduction + Module 1: Pre and Early Separation Steps for just $47.

Just send me a DM :)

04/09/2025

New Article just landed... comment for a copy!

02/09/2025

Cheaters are bad people, bad parents, deserve less of the property and less time with children?

07/08/2025

For decades, post-separation parenting has followed a familiar pathway: children living primarily in one home, or rotating between two on some agreed or Court Ordered schedule.

Now I am not saying that way of doing co-parenting is wrong or harmful, it is the arrangement I both lived as a child and now have for our son after all.

However, for many children they can experience distress through lack of stability and through a sense of not having a true home.
And as separation and divorce become more common, and as children who once lived between two homes grow up to become parents themselves, more and more of us are reflecting:
Is there a better way?

Recently, I had the privilege of sitting down with the incredible Jo Goddard. A women’s wellbeing coach, speaker, founder of ImHER Women’s Wellbeing, and passionate advocate for child-focused separation.

Jo is also a Mum who knows this terrain first-hand. She and her ex-partner have been Bird Nesting, a post-separation parenting arrangement where the children stay in the family home, and it’s the parents who rotate in and out.

Yep. You read that right. The parents actually take on the burden, not the children!

It’s a powerful alternative to the traditional two-home model, and Jo has recently begun sharing her lived experience publicly through her Instagram page Living My Nest Life.

Jo so generously shared her experience in our conversation where we explored:

- What Bird Nesting actually is;
- The emotional, practical, and financial considerations;
- The challenges Jo and her co-parent have faced (and how they overcame them); and
- And why it just might be a game-changer for some families.

If you're currently navigating separation or supporting someone who is and you're curious about conscious, child-centred alternatives this is one you won’t want to miss. 👇👇👇

And if you’ve tried Bird Nesting (or are considering it), I’d love to hear your experience in the comments below.

05/08/2025

"Just admit you still love him and get on with it..."

A comment left on a TikTok I posted a while ago.

I remember reading it and feeling perplexed because of the assumption behind it. They meant “in love” and what a wild projection that is.

It baffles me that in this day and age, so many people still struggle to understand what love truly is and that it can only exist during a committed marriage.

There’s this bizarre societal narrative that once a romantic relationship ends, we must shut off the love and care. Bury it. Maybe even turn it into resentment or hate, just to avoid sitting with the pain of heartbreak or grief.

That has never sat right with me.

Especially when children are involved... The idea that this person who for many may have been your best friend, your greatest support, and a central part of your family, must now be treated like a stranger or an enemy? That’s even more baffling.

As if co-parenting well, or still caring deeply, means you must want the romance back or that you are clingy on in some unhealthy way.
As if loving someone in their humanness is only valid through the lens of romantic partnership, immediate family or ordinary friendship.

I don’t subscribe to that idea. I never have.

Maybe because I saw the damage that narrative caused in my own childhood. The toxicity and confusion that unfolds when separation becomes war and the profound damage it does to all, especially children.

For me, love doesn’t end when a relationship transforms. It evolves.
And so the commentor was not completely wrong, because yes, I do still love my son’s father. I also still love my first husband and even my first love.

Not with attachment or longing.

But unconditionally with reverence, respect and gratitude. The kind of love that honours what was and allows space for what now is.
Because I chose them as my family and I continue to make that choice.

And if we want to avoid repeating the mistakes of the 80s, 90s and even early 2000s divorce era, we must let the definition of family evolve.

That’s the work I do. That’s what my son’s father and I are modelling. That’s what I support others to create, if it is safe and desirable for them to do so.

Rise or crumble.

The choice is yours!

31/07/2025

Here's the truth, co-creating a healthy bi-nuclear family has not been and is not easy for me and my son's father.

Some people assume we must have had a "good" relationship to begin with to make our bi-nuclear family work so well.

But if that were the true, we would still be together.

The reality is that we had a significant breakdown in our relationship, we had significant challenges we were confronting and our communication dynamic was pretty damn toxic.

There have been plenty of moments where things could have de-railed and we could have landed in the company of lawyers and the Court.

So whilst we might make it appear easy or like we started off on from some better foundation, the reality is that our foundation was pretty broken.

What we have today was rebuilt from the rubble, with deep inner work, and a hell of a lot of conscious choice.

Even now, we still hit bumps, old unhealthy patterns resurface and we fall into disconnect. And when that happens, we always face a choice:

1. Do we react? Do we blame, villainise, defend, withdraw, try to win, protect ourselves, and regress into old roles?

2. Or do we rise and show up? With compassion, grace, kindness and integrity? Do we step into vulnerability and curiosity? Do we stay true to our values and genuine commitment to the wellbeing of our son and family?

Time and time again, we choose the second path.

But let's be honest, choosing this path is not always easy.... Especially when one of us is stuck in option 1 and not showing up as our best self.

Still, the choice remains. Every Single Time.

Because conflict and breakdowns are normal. And mistakes are human.

The hard truth is that if you want different results, you have have to make the conscious choice to work through those breakdowns.

Yes WORK... it takes commitment to do the work in yourself. To emotionally regulate through your triggers, to take radical ownership, to stop projecting and start consciously co-creating!

So no, it is not easy. But yes it is possible and yes it is worth it!