14/12/2025
Talking With Children and Adolescents About Domestic Terrorism
When acts of extreme violence occur, children and adolescents often absorb more than adults realise. What helps is not saying more, but saying things in ways that match their developmental stage.
Preschoolers (approximately 3–5 years)
• Keep explanations very simple and concrete. Avoid details and avoid naming motives or labels.
• Reassure safety without promising that nothing bad ever happens.
• Let play and behaviour changes tell you how they are coping.
If they ask: “What happened?”
You might say: “Something scary happened to some people, and it wasn’t safe. Grown ups whose job it is are helping, and you are safe here with me.”
Primary Schoolers (approximately 6–11 years)
• Answer their actual question, not the one you fear they are asking.
• Correct misinformation they may have picked up from peers or media (and keep the tv and radio off).
• Emphasise helpers and protective systems without minimising harm.
If they ask: “Could that happen here?”
You might say: “Very serious violence is rare, but when it happens it can feel frightening. Many people here work to keep places safe, and we talk about worries when they come up.”
High Schoolers (approximately 12–18 years)
• Expect strong opinions, moral questions, and emotional reactions.
• Avoid debating or dismissing their views, listen first.
• Acknowledge fear, anger, or cynicism without trying to fix it.
If they ask: “Why would someone do something like that?”
You might say: “There isn’t one simple reason. Violence usually comes from a mix of factors. It’s natural to feel unsettled or angry, and we can talk about what this brings up for you.”
Children don’t need perfect answers, they need adults who are regulated and supported themselves. Being mindful of your own exposure to distressing news can help you stay regulated in these conversations.
