20/03/2026
I don't drink.. I don't want to drink.. I have no interest in a having a couple. I am a Non Drinker. I am sober. No thanks.
I wasn't always this way. Actually I'd been drinking and smoking since I was a teenager, it was normal, I thought everyone did it! I actually don't think i knew many people that did NOT drink. Except my favourite, Aunty Shirl ;) BUT How could they NOT, wasn't it just what you did every day? Isn't it your reward for a hard days work? or how you relieved stress? or what you did every time you saw your friend or someone dropped in? I mean even for your kids birthday party - everyone gets on the p**s right??! You had to have a drink, that was just what EVERYONE did.. How weird is it that someone might not drink? Wow, I watched them get teased for saying no, and hassled to "go on, one won't hurt?" "what's wrong with you?" "you fu**in p***y"...
A few years ago I had this little realisation in my mind and compared church on sunday (we never went to church) to what I thought our "church" was - drinks around the back table. My mum made food for everyone and anyone, my Dad would give them beers and listen to their troubles / confessions and give them advice... Drinking was our church.
Anyways fast forward to 30 year old Kym, with 2 babies, obviously i'm a rule follower and like to do the "right thing", so of course I DID NOT drink or smoke whilst pregnant or breastfeeding, so the drinking started to slow down for me (not anyone else) i felt separate, I felt left out, I felt boring, I felt I had to be the responsible one.. I think i had post natal depression tooo, because I just didn't know who I was anymore..
And then that day happened, nearly 16 years ago (a bottle of wine drunk), my husband the father of our 2 babies, had a massive heart attack and he died in my arms.... He was only 35yrs old.
A heart attack.. WTF? He was too young they all said.. Must be in the family they said? I honestly still to this day don't know why. But what I've learned about health and living.. Tells me that looking after yourself is really important and guess what - Alcohol, drugs, bad food choices, exercise - these things actually matter!
You know I watched his mates after he died and I honestly thought, maybe they'd slow down on the drinking, maybe they'd start to take care of their health.. SURELY this is a wake up call for everyone. But it didn't. I used to think, how the f**k can they risk their health, how the f**k could they think this might not happen to them, can they not see my pain, can they not see how hard this is? Can they not see my kids need their father? SURELY they will decide they don't want that for their wife and kids and make changes? But nope. nope and nope. I am a bit more grown up now (is 46yrs old grown up yet? haha sometimes I don't feel like it..) And I know, we never realise this stuff til it happens to us directly.
So my life could've taken two paths, one was the path i blindly walked after Justin died, most days, I'd wait til the kids were bathed, fed and in bed sleeping before I cracked a vodka, some days, I couldn't get through the "acid hour" without it though, most nights I'd have a smoke - it helped me relax and sleep better (or so I told myself). And then I remember one wednesday I woke up so hungover I couldn't get off the lounge for fear of spewing everywhere. I COULD NOT take my daughter to kindy. WTF was wrong with me. I found out a few days later that she had told the teachers that she couldn't come to school that day cause Mum had a few too many vodkas. HOW EMBARRASSING. So one life, I could keep drinking and smoking to "TRY" to numb the pain, the hurt, the stress, all the emotions, I did not know how to deal with, without substances. OR.. I could choose something better for me, better for my kids and choose GROWTH.
I started my personal development journey 6 months after Justin died. I attended The Relationship Code event for a 3 day seminar. And I started to learn the tools to change my state, to shift my emotions in a healthy way, not just bandaid them every night. THAT EVENT has changed my life. When i attended that event, there was only one reason I was still alive and didn't choose to die (literally, I still chose to live but felt dead on the inside for a few more years yet) Those 2 beautiful children I had, needed to be fed, needed to be loved and mostly needed the essentials - that was about all i was capable of for sometime there. I continued on this path of personal development and slowly, the more events I attended, the more courses I studied, the more i learnt about the human mind, body and brain - the more I started to choose to live not just for them, but for myself too. Choosing to live meant working out how to feel better on the inside and out. It has been a journey. It will always be a journey.
I have chosen growth, and I know that was the path that saved me, saved me from my suicidal thoughts, saved me from my suffering, saved me from the health issues that not looking after me could cause. I am forever grateful for my CODE family
