26/10/2025
If we respond to our child’s rudeness with empathy and compassion, they may learn how to respond to themselves with empathy and compassion, when they are feeling a little cranky.
Let me explain… rudeness is often a sign of dysregulation with children. If we respond to dysregulation with correcting, instead of connecting, our child may become more escalated because their need for co-regulation cannot be met while being corrected.
Take a moment to reflect on your own behaviour. When do you find yourself being a little rude? For myself, it’s when I’m feeling dysregulated. I actually can hear myself being rude but it’s really hard not to come across that way when I’m having certain feelings. So what do we need to do when we feel dysregulated? We need to self-regulate or co-regulate.
If we teach our children that “rudeness” is often a sign of dysregulation, they may learn to see it as a cue from their nervous system that they need co-regulation or self-regulation. The other piece is, they’ll likely know that when others are rude to them that it is not about them but about how the other person is likely feeling, especially if it is someone in our lives, that we are close to.
How do we do this? I offer many, many examples in my latest EBook The Connect Instead of Correct Challenge
Some topics covered
- Bedtime
- Getting ready in the morning
- Out in public (public dysregulation, material wants, impatience, incentives vs. rewards)
- Mealtimes
- Messes
- Aggression
- “Rude” behaviour
- Safety concerns
And so much more…
I also explain the “why” behind all this, including a lot of links to research and additional resources to support your learning. Even if you aren’t ready for the challenge, the book will help you understand this approach in a way I just can’t teach via IG.
For ages 1-12
Link: https://amzn.to/4me2mIO
