Cynosure Counselling and Coaching

26/11/2025

I remember several memorable occasions where I resisted the expectation to spend Christmas with family or friends.

Sometimes it was really difficult to hold my ground.
And yet I was aware that there were things in me that needed to be attended to
that meant I just didn't have the capacity
for engaging in the expected Christmas spirit.

It helped to realise that I had a choice in that decision,
that other people's disappointment over my disengagement was actually not my problem,
and that my decision on each occasion did not have to constitute a permanent disengagement.

I gave myself the gift of being able to breathe,
and to engage with the season in a way that was life-giving. That was priceless.

Where have you had to intentionally resist expectations that were placed upon you?
What was that like?



I find myself navigating the pressure of expectation
in my business,
my work,
my relationships
ALL.THE.TIME.

Some of these are thrown at me from the outside
through interactions with other people, the media, the environment.

Others are self-imposed,
based on my ideals, my history, the way I make sense of the world.

Many expectations are assumed and unspoken,
making them difficult to identify.
They often generate feelings of guilt, obligation, and anxiety
that can interfere with being able to function effectively.

Two challenges with expectations are:
(1) Recognising their presence, and
(2) Evaluating their validity.

One give-away clue for an expectation is the use of the word SHOULD
(sometimes replaced and amplified with the word MUST for added intensity.)

Some questions I find helpful in identifying and challenging an expectation are:
What am I ACTUALLY being asked to do?
Who says that I should or must do this thing?
Do I have capacity to meet this expectation?
What might the consequence be if I don't meet it?

Regular guided reflective practice can be an incredibly useful tool
in pinpointing the expectations you are willing and able to meet,
working out how to resist the expectations that are not yours to carry, and
giving yourself the freedom to choose the life you want.

Talk to me about how I can help.

26/11/2025

I find myself navigating the pressure of expectation
in my business,
my work,
my relationships
ALL.THE.TIME.

Some of these are thrown at me from the outside
through interactions with other people, the media, the environment.

Others are self-imposed,
based on my ideals, my history, the way I make sense of the world.

Many expectations are assumed and unspoken,
making them difficult to identify.
They often generate feelings of guilt, obligation, and anxiety
that can interfere with being able to function effectively.

Two challenges with expectations are:
(1) Recognising their presence, and
(2) Evaluating their validity.

One give-away clue for an expectation is the use of the word SHOULD
(sometimes replaced and amplified with the word MUST for added intensity.)

Some questions I find helpful in identifying and challenging an expectation are:
What am I ACTUALLY being asked to do?
Who says that I should or must do this thing?
Do I have capacity to meet this expectation?
What might the consequence be if I don't meet it?

Regular guided reflective practice can be an incredibly useful tool
in pinpointing the expectations you are willing and able to meet,
working out how to resist the expectations that are not yours to carry, and
giving yourself the freedom to choose the life you want.

Talk to me about how I can help.

24/11/2025

Who do you go to when you are stressed?

Having a network of personal and professional supports
that you can call on when life gets tough
can take loneliness out of the experience.

Setting up this network ahead of time is a great strategy to put in place
so that loneliness is not adding to your stress.

Reflective practice is a tool that you can use to evaluate your network
and to determine who would be the best supports for you to access
when stress is moving toward unmanageable levels.

I use reflective practice to help people set up their networks of support and to determine when to access them.
Would that be helpful?

Reach out to find out more.

Your experience of stress can be lonely.

Part of this is because everyone experiences stress uniquely.
Give me 10 people facing the same set of circumstances
and I am likely to get a continuum of responses
from hardly affected
to significantly debilitated.

The temptation is to compare your experience of stress with someone else's.
It's not helpful.
You end up either
feeling shame for not handling things as well as everyone else or
minimising your own stress in light of how others are doing,
which can lead to pushing yourself beyond your own limits.
Both responses compound the loneliness.

Part of the stress of being stressed
is recognising who are the right people to go to
when stress is moving towards overwhelm.

The wrong people will reinforce shame or minimisation of stress
and likely abandon you to flounder,
leaving you feeling isolated and alone on top of feeling overwhelm.

The right people will
acknowledge that the stress is real,
take your stress seriously,
help you to find an anchor in your storm, and
stick with you through the stressful circumstances.

How many of the right kind of people can you call on when you're stressed?
Have you become the right person for others to call on when they are experiencing stress?

24/11/2025

Your experience of stress can be lonely.

Part of this is because everyone experiences stress uniquely.
Give me 10 people facing the same set of circumstances
and I am likely to get a continuum of responses
from hardly affected
to significantly debilitated.

The temptation is to compare your experience of stress with someone else's.
It's not helpful.
You end up either
feeling shame for not handling things as well as everyone else or
minimising your own stress in light of how others are doing,
which can lead to pushing yourself beyond your own limits.
Both responses compound the loneliness.

Part of the stress of being stressed
is recognising who are the right people to go to
when stress is moving towards overwhelm.

The wrong people will reinforce shame or minimisation of stress
and likely abandon you to flounder,
leaving you feeling isolated and alone on top of feeling overwhelm.

The right people will
acknowledge that the stress is real,
take your stress seriously,
help you to find an anchor in your storm, and
stick with you through the stressful circumstances.

How many of the right kind of people can you call on when you're stressed?
Have you become the right person for others to call on when they are experiencing stress?

21/11/2025

When you are known for being the strong one,
most people don't recognise the toll it takes
or the pressure it can create to always be invulnerable.

Yet you are still human.

Stress accumulates -
especially when you have no spaces to discharge it
or don't allow yourself the opportunity to refill your tank.

Don't let silent stress rob you of the life you want.

Talk to me about how I can help you to get a handle on your stress.

Are you experiencing silent stress?

*That stress that you feel but don't have permission to acknowledge

*That unwanted situation that you didn't choose but which exerts its influence nonetheless

*The unintended consequence of a choice you did make that cannot be undone.

*That tension that no one is talking about yet hangs in the silence

*The fear that consumes your thoughts and keeps you awake at night

*That ghost from the past that you carry alone
because no one else seems to be affected by it
and may not even know it's there

*The energy drain that is weakening you by degrees
because you're living with expectations that take more than they give

*That nagging feeling that you are somehow failing

*That ache that seems to have no words, just a constant pain that never seems to ease.

You don't have to carry this stress alone.
You don't have to stay silent about the stress you carry.

I'm in your corner,
here to help you to unload the burden,
to walk lighter into the future.

Reach out to find out more.

21/11/2025

Are you experiencing silent stress?

*That stress that you feel but don't have permission to acknowledge

*That unwanted situation that you didn't choose but which exerts its influence nonetheless

*The unintended consequence of a choice you did make that cannot be undone.

*That tension that no one is talking about yet hangs in the silence

*The fear that consumes your thoughts and keeps you awake at night

*That ghost from the past that you carry alone
because no one else seems to be affected by it
and may not even know it's there

*The energy drain that is weakening you by degrees
because you're living with expectations that take more than they give

*That nagging feeling that you are somehow failing

*That ache that seems to have no words, just a constant pain that never seems to ease.

You don't have to carry this stress alone.
You don't have to stay silent about the stress you carry.

I'm in your corner,
here to help you to unload the burden,
to walk lighter into the future.

Reach out to find out more.

19/11/2025

"I don't have what it takes."

Men are often silently assessing themselves and their lives
and feeling like they are inadequate, failing or incompetent.

These feelings can generate a gamut of responses,
from trying to prove themselves,
to rejecting the status quo,
to giving up on themselves and life.

Shame lurks in all of these reactions,
fueling stress and loneliness
in situations that are usually already difficult.

What would it be like to change the assessment for a more positive result?

Reach out to me to explore what that might look like and how I can help.

I find myself working more with men now than I did earlier in my career.
The reasons for this could be numerous -
some factors relating to my own growth, experience and context,
some about social shifts,
some about the journey the individual men are on.

What I am noticing showing up regularly with the men I work with
is a quiet sense of shame
for not being better,
stronger,
more competent,
more... [fill in the blank].

There are so many conflicting, confusing and unrealistic messages floating around
about who men are supposed to be
and how they are supposed to show up in the world.

So many of the men I work with try so hard to meet these expectations
and are frustrated by a sense of not being seen,
and of being defined by all that they are not.

And they are often shamed by themselves and others
for their inability to be on top of their game 100% of the time.

Nearly all of them want to be better men
and, for whatever reason, they don't know how
to make the changes they believe they need to make.

Part of my job is to not start with what they need to do to be better
but to help them unravel the unhelpful messages that are tearing them apart,
as well as to identify what is already going well.

A lot of times more strategies or things to do are NOT what is needed
but rather a reconnection with existing strengths, skills and experience.
These form the solid foundation on which
they can act with confidence
to create the future they really want.

Do you know a man who is spinning wheels trying to be better?
Send them my way.
I'd love to have a conversation.

19/11/2025

I find myself working more with men now than I did earlier in my career.
The reasons for this could be numerous -
some factors relating to my own growth, experience and context,
some about social shifts,
some about the journey the individual men are on.

What I am noticing showing up regularly with the men I work with
is a quiet sense of shame
for not being better,
stronger,
more competent,
more... [fill in the blank].

There are so many conflicting, confusing and unrealistic messages floating around
about who men are supposed to be
and how they are supposed to show up in the world.

So many of the men I work with try so hard to meet these expectations
and are frustrated by a sense of not being seen,
and of being defined by all that they are not.

And they are often shamed by themselves and others
for their inability to be on top of their game 100% of the time.

Nearly all of them want to be better men
and, for whatever reason, they don't know how
to make the changes they believe they need to make.

Part of my job is to not start with what they need to do to be better
but to help them unravel the unhelpful messages that are tearing them apart,
as well as to identify what is already going well.

A lot of times more strategies or things to do are NOT what is needed
but rather a reconnection with existing strengths, skills and experience.
These form the solid foundation on which
they can act with confidence
to create the future they really want.

Do you know a man who is spinning wheels trying to be better?
Send them my way.
I'd love to have a conversation.

17/11/2025

International Men’s Day ~

Good men supporting good men:
Standing up for what’s right.
Using strength for good.
Protecting the vulnerable.
Caring for self, family, and mates.

Today we celebrate the men who lead with
integrity,
compassion, and
courage —
those who lift others up
and make the world a better place through their actions and example.

I don't normally make a big deal of any of the international days that dot our calendars.
Today I am making an exception: International Men's Day.

As a man, I know some of the challenges that exist for men around
who they are supposed to be and
how they are expected to show up in the world.
It can be a very confusing, lonely and frustrating experience,
a source of hidden stress that many men carry
without being aware of its presence and impact.

And despite it all, there are plenty of good men who are doing their best in
their relationships,
their work,
their communities and
their contribution to the future.

The world is a better place for their faithful presence.

Today I honour you!
Keep being good men.

17/11/2025

I don't normally make a big deal of any of the international days that dot our calendars.
Today I am making an exception: International Men's Day.

As a man, I know some of the challenges that exist for men around
who they are supposed to be and
how they are expected to show up in the world.
It can be a very confusing, lonely and frustrating experience,
a source of hidden stress that many men carry
without being aware of its presence and impact.

And despite it all, there are plenty of good men who are doing their best in
their relationships,
their work,
their communities and
their contribution to the future.

The world is a better place for their faithful presence.

Today I honour you!
Keep being good men.

13/11/2025

As part of being nominated for the GHP Holistic Health award, I was asked to articulate the mission of Cynosure Prosperity.

Here is what I wrote:

Cynosure Prosperity exists to equip and empower individuals of all walks of life
with tools, strategies and confidence
to define, create, maintain and adapt their own version of a prosperous life in their current context
that both supports their wellbeing
and ripples out with positive impact into the wider world.

Connect with me to find out more about what this looks like in action and how I can help YOU to experience more of YOUR prosperous life.

My business has been unexpectedly nominated for an award!
Thank you, whoever you are, for your vote of confidence in me and the work that I do! 😊

The process of putting together supporting information for my nomination
has been an interesting one,
giving me another opportunity to reflect on the direction of my business
after almost 12 years in practice.

What I have noticed in my reflections so far
is that I am able to articulate my business mission and values much more clearly,
and to see the connections between what I say my business is about
and what I actually do with my clients.

There is an encouraging congruence between words and actions.

The last 12 years have had their ups and downs,
and it has been stressful navigating the learning curve of moving out of being an employee
and into a business owner mindset,
as well as continuing to adapt to changing circumstances.

And at the same time I have worked with amazing clients
who, through the work we have done together,
have gone on to make meaningful changes to improve themselves and their lives.

I have also connected with a wide local, national and international network of people
who have been a source of encouragement, and inspiration,
and also personal, business, and professional growth.

So today I am sitting with gratitude for the journey that I have walked so far
and am hopefully curious about the path that will emerge as I keep going forward.

13/11/2025

My business has been unexpectedly nominated for an award!
Thank you, whoever you are, for your vote of confidence in me and the work that I do! 😊

The process of putting together supporting information for my nomination
has been an interesting one,
giving me another opportunity to reflect on the direction of my business
after almost 12 years in practice.

What I have noticed in my reflections so far
is that I am able to articulate my business mission and values much more clearly,
and to see the connections between what I say my business is about
and what I actually do with my clients.

There is an encouraging congruence between words and actions.

The last 12 years have had their ups and downs,
and it has been stressful navigating the learning curve of moving out of being an employee
and into a business owner mindset,
as well as continuing to adapt to changing circumstances.

And at the same time I have worked with amazing clients
who, through the work we have done together,
have gone on to make meaningful changes to improve themselves and their lives.

I have also connected with a wide local, national and international network of people
who have been a source of encouragement, and inspiration,
and also personal, business, and professional growth.

So today I am sitting with gratitude for the journey that I have walked so far
and am hopefully curious about the path that will emerge as I keep going forward.