06/10/2025
An obsession with figures - the cost of trying to fit in. Trigger warning - eating issues.
It feels timely to post this, as we go through a 1 Universal month of healing our bodies.
As a child, my parent's dream was for me to become a doctor. I did the interviews but fell short marks-wise, and ended up studying enviro science.
Little did they know, all I wanted to be was beautiful. I was teased constantly for my flat face, skin colour, braces, acne, etc. at school and would have done anything to be blonde haired, b***y and blue eyed.
My spare time was spent reading magazines. I wanted to be a columnist and model (I'm 179cm tall). I did work experience for 'Girlfriend' but realised this was not an acceptable career, given my family background.
Over the years I tried out to be a model and was given positive feedback but didn't follow through. I was anxious, froze under pressure and prone to under-eating.
Soon after these photos were taken (that's me, after being signed to Dallys), I was diagnosed with anorexia (orthorexia?) and went into therapy. Later on I figured out I'm also neurodiverse.
Despite anorexia being one of the most serious mental illnesses, people did not take me seriously when I told them my diagnosis.
Typical replies I received were...
-That's impossible, you look great
-Geez, I wish I had that problem
-Here, have some of my fat
-You just need to eat a burger
-You're not that thin
-I like you skinny
-There's no such thing!
Dr Leanne Barron told me, 'you look ok, but your internal organs could shut down anytime' (blog below) Yikes!
The costs of watching my weight were infertility*, period pain, fatigue, indigestion, constipation, poor decision-making and more (*I was afraid of being a mother/ childbirth.)
After recovering to have 3 kids and a great career, I would never go back to hurting myself like that.
True love, embraces her wobble. Doing psychic work, meditation, dancing, yoga, music + having a loving tribe have all kept me well too.
Please, don't shrink yourself to fit a box. Be a wild orchid who blossoms beyond fear.
Cheers,
Sarah
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