
02/09/2025
I don’t tend to post much about my mum and on this day I want to celebrate her. Goodness I miss her. My mum died on 2 September when I was 14 years old, I’m 42 years old & I still miss her. I still fantasise about another cuddle, a word of reassurance, of care. And I concurrently see and feel such gratitude to have had a loving mother for the 14 years I had her.
I sometimes wonder how she would be with my children, I trust she would have adored them all.
I truly see life as a gift, a blessing. And yet for many years I felt like a victim of my circumstances. I had given up on myself and on the people around me. I wanted so much for things to be different and yet I didn’t know how. I hid the truth about how I felt, thinking that this was a way to keep people around. I didn’t realise that I was betraying myself, lying to other people about my thoughts + feelings, not realising that this hiding meant no one could get close.
Everything I have have, my marriage, my children, my work, my friendships, they all centre around connection because I never want anyone to feel alone in the way I did. We all deserve support, love + care. Yet we may not always know how to ask for it, or to receive it.
So if this is you, you are not alone. Zenso House is a community where you can unravel, explore + expand.
You and all of your parts are welcome here.
I feel anxious about sharing this with you all and I am conscious of sharing what feels most real right now.
I am so grateful to so many of you for loving me even when I couldn’t love myself. You guys are the real MVP’s. So grateful to have that capacity to love myself now + see how that also opens me up to loving other people too.
Lots of love,
Mel ❤️