ConnectEd Counselling and Consultancy

17/03/2026

✨ Soft skills, random skills… and the things we didn’t know we’d need

I often talk with young people (and adults) about the importance of two types of skills:

🔹 Soft skills – the ones that carry across lots of situations
(communication, problem-solving, flexibility, persistence)

🔹 Random skills – the ones you pick up along the way
(often because you enjoy them… or just because life required it at some point!)

The interesting thing?
We tend to undervalue both.

They’re often not formally taught.
They don’t always show up on a report card.
And yet… they are everywhere.

💬 The way you navigate a tricky conversation
💬 The way you figure something out when no one showed you how
💬 The way you adapt when things don’t go to plan

These are the skills that quietly do a lot of heavy lifting in life.

Today was a bit of a “random skills” day for me.

I set up and configured a new router for the office (cue my love of tech)…
and then did a bit of re-styling to make the space more functional (less love, more necessity 😄).

Not exactly things I planned to be doing when I first started out.

But that’s kind of the point.

📌 The roles we step into — parent, educator, clinician, employee —
often ask more of us than we expect.

And over time, we adapt.

We learn.
We experiment.
We figure things out.

✨ There’s something worth holding onto here

For young people (and for us):

➤ Not everything valuable is obvious at the time
➤ Not everything useful is taught directly
➤ And not everything you learn needs to be “on purpose” to matter

Sometimes the “random” skills… aren’t so random after all.

They become part of how we cope, create, connect, and contribute.

💬 What are some “random skills” you’ve picked up along the way?
💬 And which soft skills are quietly helping you more than you realise?

Chances are… they’re doing more for you than you give them credit for.

At ConnectEd Counselling and Consultancy, we believe that all families, and the communities they belong to, benefit from a little extra care and support. Whether the problems are big or small, we want to make sure everyone has the chance to feel connected – to themselves, to others and to their community.

www.connectedcc.com.au

Dr Matt

15/03/2026

💬 A very boring story about a dishwasher

Our dishwasher died.

Not a particularly thrilling story. But when it died, I was annoyed. We had a full load of dishes in it and suddenly I had to: unload it, clean everything by hand, research which dishwasher might suck less than the previous one (which we only bought a few years ago), order a new one, organise disconnection of the old one, delivery and installation of the new one.

Now that is starting to sound more like a busy household problem… but still not a very thrilling story.

Part way through the “ugh, this is annoying” cycle, I had a bit of a reality slap.

How fortunate am I that:

➤ I can afford to replace a dishwasher
➤ I had the time and flexibility to organise all those steps
➤ Within 24 hours we had a new one installed and running

Because that isn’t everyone’s reality.

In many homes, something like this turning up broken isn’t just inconvenient. It can create real stress around finances, routines, and already stretched mental bandwidth.

And that got me thinking about gratitude.

✨ Gratitude is a thinking skill.

Some people find it comes more naturally. But for most of us, especially as we get older, we are surrounded by a culture that doesn’t really favour gratitude, savouring or contentment. Complaining, comparison and frustration tend to be the louder voices.

Like most thinking patterns, the opportunity is to notice where our mind goes — and gently redirect it toward something that better fits with the kind of person we want to be.

So here is the alternate version of my very boring story:

Our dishwasher died.

And within 24 hours, we had a new one installed and washing dishes again.

How lucky are we that it could be that quick and that easy.

📌 It’s not about pretending annoyances don’t exist.
📌 It’s about remembering the bigger context we’re living in.

Sometimes the difference between a grizzle and gratitude is just the way we choose to tell the story to ourselves.

Dr Matt O'Connor

At ConnectEd Counselling and Consultancy, we believe that families and communities benefit from a little extra care and support. Whether the problems are big or small, we want to help people feel more connected — to themselves, to others and to their community.

If you need some support, you can learn more here:
www.connectedcc.com.au

10/03/2026

✨ How am I feeling? Helping young people make sense of their emotions

One of the most important skills children develop over time is learning to recognise what they are feeling.

That might sound simple… but it’s actually quite complex.

When feelings are small, it’s usually easy enough for kids to say they feel happy, sad, or annoyed. But when emotions become stronger, it can be much harder for them to identify what’s happening internally — let alone communicate it to someone else.

And when we can’t recognise what we’re feeling, it becomes much harder to regulate it.

That’s where simple tools can really help.

📌 We’ve created a free “How am I feeling?” thermometer resource that you can use with children and teenagers to help them identify the intensity of their emotions. You can grab a high resolution version of it here: https://connectedcc.com.au/free-parenting-resources/

Instead of just asking “How are you feeling?”, this tool helps them think about:

• Where am I on the scale right now?
• Are my feelings small, medium, big… or huge?
• What might help me move back towards calm?

The colours give young people a simple way to describe their emotional state:

🟢 Green – Little feelings
Calm, relaxed, comfortable.

🟡 Yellow – Medium feelings
Starting to feel bothered, unsure, or unsettled.

🟠 Orange – Big feelings
Strong emotions like worry, frustration, or excitement.

🔴 Red – Huge feelings
Overwhelming emotions like anger, panic, or feeling completely flooded.

💬 There are a few different ways you can use the language in this resource.
Some children might prefer to talk about the colour, others about the size of the feeling, and some might connect with the number on the thermometer.

This flexibility helps support young people across a wide range of ages and developmental stages — from those who prefer broader descriptions to those who want something more specific.

💬 A helpful way to use this is during calm moments — not just when emotions are already running high. You might ask:

• “Where do you think you were on the scale today?”
• “What does yellow feel like in your body?”
• “What helps you get back to green?”

These conversations help young people build the language and awareness they need to understand themselves better over time.

And that awareness is one of the foundations of emotional regulation.

Get a high resolution version of the image on our website, where we have heaps of other free resources, guides and webinars you might find helpful: https://connectedcc.com.au/free-parenting-resources/

03/03/2026

Supporting and connecting with our community has always been important to us - and even more so when it is a personal connection (Dr Matt's wife) doing great things in our local community. A huge congratulations to Meg and Omni Academies of Learning for the incredible work supporting students through their high school learning in a way that is as unique as it is supportive. And congratulations to all the other amazing women nominated for the important work that they do.

If you would like to give a vote for Meg (or any of the other nominees!) you can do so here: https://toowongvillage.com.au/inspiring-women-of-toowong

24/02/2026

The other day, my daughter asked me to look after her doll while she went out.

I accepted this responsibility.

After all… I am a father.

A short while later, I sent these photos to Mum.

Apparently, I didn't do such a great job.
• Trampolining upside down is “not appropriate supervision”
• Driving the car is “highly unsafe”
• Cooking over an open flame is “absolutely unacceptable”

In my defence, I was encouraging independence.
Building resilience.
Developing life skills.

All jokes aside — it was a funny reminder of something important.

When our kids hand us what they care about — whether it’s a doll, a story from school, or their big feelings — they’re trusting us with it.

They’re watching what we do.

Parenting is full of light-hearted moments.
But underneath them are tiny deposits of trust.

I may not be trusted with doll duty again anytime soon. But she knows my sense of humour and happily traded the joke for a bit of future trust for doll-sitting!

- Matt O'Connor
www.connectedcc.com.au

21/02/2026

Can small changes really make a difference?

A new meta-analysis suggests that just five extra minutes of moderate physical activity per day is associated with a 10% reduction in all-cause mortality.

Five minutes.

Not a complete life overhaul.
Not a new identity.
Not a 12-week transformation.

Just… five minutes.

✨ Incremental improvement matters.

We live in a culture that loves big goals:
• New year, new me
• 10,000 steps a day
• Train for a marathon
• Completely change your diet

And while big goals can be motivating, they can also be paralysing.

Life is busy.
Families are stretched.
Work is demanding.
The juggle is real.

When the bar feels too high, we often do nothing.

But “nothing” and “something small” are very different things.

➤ Five minutes is a short walk around the block.
➤ Five minutes is stretching while the kettle boils.
➤ Five minutes is parking a little further away.

Small shifts are achievable.
Achievable builds confidence.
Confidence builds momentum.

And this isn’t just about physical activity.

The same principle applies to:
• Connection with your child
• Improving your sleep
• Strengthening your relationship
• Supporting your wellbeing

Anything is better than nothing.

We often underestimate the power of tiny, consistent actions because they don’t feel dramatic. But over time, small changes compound.

💬 What if instead of asking “How can I change everything?” we asked “What is one small thing I could do today?”

For many of the families I work with, the pressure to do more, be more, achieve more is already high. Sometimes the most helpful shift is lowering the bar to something realistic — and then actually doing it.

Five minutes.
One small step.
A tiny course correction.

It might matter more than you think.

Can small changes in physical activity make a major difference?

A new meta-analysis suggests that just five extra minutes of moderate physical activity a day is associated with a 10% reduction in all deaths in the majority of adults. Explore the latest data 👉 http://spkl.io/6189AvEML

18/02/2026

This week we said farewell to our good friend and colleague, Angela, who is stepping back from private practice for a time (we hope not forever though!).

Anyone who has worked in education, counselling or pastoral care knows that these roles are not just “jobs”. They are deeply relational. They ask us to hold stories, sit with complexity, celebrate growth and walk alongside people in some of their hardest seasons.

One of the things we have always wanted for our team (and our clients) is for each person to choose a path that best meets their needs and values. We are really grateful to have been able to provide that for Angela

And a last small, very “Angela” detail…

Pictured is our last whiteboard message from her. She works Saturdays, so we don’t always cross paths — but like a thoughtful ninja, she always leaves a little message so we know she was there. Those small gestures have meant more than she probably realises.

—

At ConnectEd Counselling and Consultancy, we believe that all families, and the communities they belong to, benefit from a little extra care and support. Whether the problems are big or small, we want to make sure everyone has the chance to feel connected — to themselves, to others and to their community. www.connectedcc.com.au

16/02/2026

4 hours.

That’s how long it took me to hang a curtain this week.

Four. Hours.

Why? Because pretty much everything that could go wrong… did.

• I snapped screws trying to drill into the wall
• My drill broke
• The backup drill had the wrong bit
• The extension curtain rod had no way of locking (so it kept falling down)
• The rod ends were too thin to lock into the end plates

There were also two car trips involved.

I started the job expecting it would take half an hour. Quick win. Easy tick off the list.

Instead, I found myself frustrated, muttering under my breath, and wondering why something so “simple” felt so hard.

And it got me thinking…

✨ How often do we set out to do something, fully expecting it to go smoothly — only to be thwarted by reality?

As adults, we (eventually) draw on our templates:
• Problem-solving
• Emotional regulation
• Persistence
• Perspective
• A bit of humour (sometimes delayed!)

We’ve built those over years.

But our kids?

They don’t yet have those templates.

When their Lego build collapses.
When the homework doesn’t make sense.
When a friendship goes sideways.
When the plan they had in their head doesn’t match what actually happens.

To them, it can feel like a four-hour curtain job… without the life experience to steady them.

That’s why modelling matters so much.

Not just telling them to “calm down” or “try again”.

But letting them see:
• That frustration is normal
• That things don’t always go to plan
• That we can pause, reassess and try a different approach
• That persistence sometimes looks messy

And even naming it:

💬 “I’m pretty frustrated right now. I thought this would be quick. I’m going to take a breath and work out what to try next.”

That’s gold.

We’re not just fixing curtains.
We’re building coping.
We’re demonstrating problem-solving.
We’re showing them what it looks like to stay in the game when it would be easier to quit.

Now we wait… and hope the curtain stays up.

And if it doesn’t?

Well, that’ll be another lesson in persistence.

www.connectedcc.com.au

12/02/2026

90 decibels

That is the volume of a community coming together, connecting, feeling nervous and excited and curious and welcoming.

I had the pleasure of presenting to a huge group of new Year 7 parents at Corinda State High School. I really appreciated the thought that Corinda put into this evening - round tables for people to be able to chat, class tables so that parents could connect with other parents whose kids are in the same class, as well as some of the teachers, and plenty of time at the start so that they could connect.

✨ And here’s the thing…

For years I’ve delivered parent presentations, and the two most consistent pieces of feedback I receive are:

• We really valued the content
• We really valued the chance to connect with other parents

That second point matters more than we sometimes realise.

High school can feel big. Bigger campuses. Bigger expectations. Bigger independence for our kids. And sometimes… smaller parent networks.

When children move from primary to secondary school, it can become much harder to organically meet other families. We drop off less. We hover less. Our kids want us to hover less!

But our need for connection doesn’t disappear just because they are getting older.

💬 Connection builds confidence.
💬 Connection normalises the challenges.
💬 Connection reduces that quiet “is it just us?” feeling.

Corinda created space for that connection intentionally — and it showed. The buzz in the room wasn’t just nerves about high school. It was curiosity, shared experience, reassurance, and the beginnings of community.

📌 Schools who are thinking about parent engagement — take note.
Creating structured opportunities for parents to talk to each other is not an “add-on”. It is foundational.

Because when parents feel connected:

• They feel more supported
• They feel more confident navigating challenges
• They are more likely to partner effectively with the school
• And ultimately, young people benefit

Transitions are rarely just about the child. They are about the whole family system.

Well done to the team for modelling what thoughtful, community-focused transition can look like. Other schools could absolutely benefit from taking a similar approach.

And to the parents who showed up — nervous, hopeful, curious — you are already doing one of the most important things: leaning in.

If you’re part of a school community thinking about how to strengthen connection between families, this is work worth investing in.

At ConnectEd Counselling and Consultancy, we believe that all families, and the communities they belong to, benefit from a little extra care and support. Whether the problems are big or small, we want to make sure everyone has the chance to feel connected – to themselves, to others and to their community. www.connectedcc.com.au

08/02/2026

🔄 Routines are one of the most underrated tools for helping kids feel safe, settled, and seen.

Especially in the early weeks of term, when emotions can be wobbly and expectations are high, simple family rhythms can provide enormous comfort.

✨ Predictable routines help:
• Regulate emotions
• Reduce conflict
• Build trust and connection
• Promote independence

This doesn’t mean you need a colour-coded schedule on the fridge (though if that’s your thing, go for it!). It just means building some anchor points into your week that help your child know what to expect.

Try:
• A “get ready” routine in the morning
• A consistent after-school rhythm (snack → chat → homework → free time)
• A regular dinner/wind-down time
• A shared “family moment” once a week—walk, game, show, or just a chat

💬 Children flourish when the world feels predictable. You don’t have to make things perfect—you just need to make them steady, loving, and repeatable.

And if the routine slips (as it does)? That’s okay. Come back to it. Predictability isn’t about rigidity—it’s about creating patterns of care.

If we can help support you or your kiddo, get in touch. We run a clinic from Graceville, Brisbane and have some availability for appointments in the coming weeks: www.connectedcc.com.au

06/02/2026

Really grateful to Corinda State High School for inviting Matt out to speak with year 7 parents

It is really fantastic to be supporting a local school who care deeply about supporting parents through transitions, as well as their young people

YEAR 7 // **UPDATE** The location of this parent-only event has been moved to the Assembly Hall. Enter via Gate 1 on Lynne Grove Avenue.

Starting Year 7 is a big milestone for students and families.

We invite Year 7 parents and carers to join us for a welcoming evening at school. It’s a chance to meet teachers, connect with other families, and hear from guest speaker Dr Matt O’Connor, who will share practical insights to help families feel confident and connected as Year 7 begins.

📅 Wednesday 11 February 2026
⏰ 5:30 PM – 7:30 PM
📍 Sports Centre (enter via Gate 3, Pratten Street)

04/02/2026

✨ “Pretend that…” — A love letter to the lost art of make-believe

At what age do we stop saying “pretend that…”?
And more importantly — who gave the order that adults aren’t allowed to use it anymore? I’d like to speak to the manager.

🔹 Kids say it constantly:
“Pretend that I’m a cheetah and you’re a wizard.”
“Pretend that the couch is lava.”
“Pretend that this rock is a baby, and her name is Jellybean.”
No one questions it. You just nod solemnly and accept that the dog is now a dragon and your child has three invisible arms.

But somewhere along the way… it stops. We stop.
And suddenly our “pretend that” becomes “be realistic”.

📌 So when exactly do we outgrow this beautiful phrase?
High school? Tax returns? That one time we wore mismatched socks to work and someone noticed?

Honestly, I think the world could use a few more adults saying:
“Pretend that this meeting is actually a brainstorming picnic.”
“Pretend that I’m calm and well-rested.”
“Pretend that my child did not just lick the shopping trolley.”

✨ Pretend that doesn’t mean we’re being silly.
It means we’re using imagination to stretch the rules of reality — to play, to empathise, to dream. To cope, even.

So let’s reclaim it.
Let’s sprinkle a bit more magic into our Monday mornings.
Let’s say “pretend that…” out loud again.

(And pretend that people won’t look at us weird for it. Deal?)

💬 Curious — when do you think we stop using it? And what would you say today if you got to use “pretend that…” with no shame?