Outlook Matters Psychology

29/01/2023

26/01/2023

The space that a child needs to grow cannot exist without boundaries and structure. Your child needs to know that she can have fun and be herself with you, but also that you’re the authority.

And, you need to understand your responsibilities as the one in charge, but also recognize where your control should stop to give way to the freedom of your child. In other words, you need to know your place, and so should your child.

If your child frustrates you by playing with (or breaking!) things that aren’t hers, pause and consider whether your child really knows what’s hers and what’s not. By simply being consistent and clear about what is off-limits, you can help her remember to stick to her own toys and not turn your important paperwork or expensive laptop into playthings!

It also helps to show your child that her actions have consequences. If done right, this is a great way for kids to learn new things. All you need to do is show your empathy and explain things as soon as possible, rather than threaten and punish when it’s too late.

– Blinkist: Screamfree Parenting by Hal Edward Runkel

Read the rest of the blink here 👉 https://www.blinkist.com/en/nc/reader/screamfree-parenting-en

25/01/2023

Are you that parent that loses her temper too fast? We all have been from time to time. But being insecure about your ability to be a good parent is tough to deal with. Thankfully, there are solutions.

It starts with being proactive, rather than reactive. But what does this mean? Well, when you yell at your kid when she does something wrong, you’re reacting to her. If you want to be a screamfree parent, you’ll need to change your ways. By being proactive and guiding your child in the right direction before she starts causing trouble, you’re well on the way to a family with less stress.

A key part of proactive parenting is setting boundaries to ensure that both you and your child have the space you need. If your child sees that you know the difference between being supportive and being overbearing, she’ll already be far less likely to do those things that make you want to scream. This helps you keep your cool while remaining 100 percent engaged in your child’s upbringing.

But before you attempt to achieve this, there are a few things you’ll need to keep in mind. The first is that parenting is about parents, i.e. you! – not your children. Rather than attempting to control your kids’ behavior, it’s time to make a fresh start and start working toward a screamfree approach to parenting that suits your whole family.

– Blinkist: Screamfree Parenting by Hal Edward Runkel

Read the rest of the blink here 👇
https://www.blinkist.com/en/nc/reader/screamfree-parenting-en

24/01/2023

What does a supporting parent look like?
Read more here👇
https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/blog/darwins-subterranean-world/201810/the-power-yes-in-parenting

23/01/2023

What's your parenting style? 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦
Read more here 👇
https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/basics/parenting/parenting-styles -are-the-four-major-parenting-styles

22/01/2023

The Adverse Effects of Perfectionism:

Perfection may seem noble, but it can do more damage than good when pursued obsessively. Let’s take a look at seven possible tragic outcomes of perfectionism.

⭕️ Stress: Striving for perfection creates enormous psychic pressure that can trigger psychosomatic symptoms such as chronic fatigue, anxiety, and restlessness.

⭕️ Procrastination: Deadlines come and go; nothing ever feels good enough. You fail to complete projects; you’re never content with your work. Eventually, if satisfaction remains elusive, you may abandon your efforts entirely.

⭕️ Disappointment: Your self-esteem takes a big hit with so many incomplete tasks and critical thoughts. You rarely experience the esteem-boosting burst of satisfaction and pride that comes with a well-done job.

⭕️ Self-critical thoughts: You fault yourself relentlessly. Chronic self-criticism fuels anxiety and hopelessness.

⭕️ Compare and despair: You negatively compare yourself to others. In your mind, you’re always the outlier or underdog who never gets acknowledged. You long for praise and attention yet remain in the shadows.

⭕️ Less creativity: It’s difficult, if not impossible, to be creative in a hostile environment— especially if the prime source of negativity comes from your internal critics. Over time, creativity is avoided because it feels unrewarding and too painful to pursue.

⭕️ Lower ambition: Completed tasks and accomplishments fuel ambition, passion, and inspiration. Unfortunately, perfectionism drains such aspirations.

– Psychology Today

20/01/2023

19/01/2023

Assuming you’re calm and ready to deal with a crying child, you’re ready to strengthen your connection with this little person. How? By listening.

The practice of reflective listening means removing judgment and helping your child identify and name their own emotions. Here’s an example.

Your child: “I don’t know why I knocked over the vase.”

You: “You wanted to see what would happen to it.”

Your child: “No, I didn’t want to break it.”

You: “You didn’t want to break it, but you knew it would break.”

Your child: “Yes. I thought you might get mad.”

You: “You wanted to see what Mommy would do.”

Your child: “I’m sorry I broke your vase.”

Reflective listening isn’t about asking questions or solving problems. It’s about understanding. You’re not even the detective in this story. Your goal is to help your child be their own detective so that they can one day manage their own feelings and behaviors in a skillful way.

Not only this, but through the practice of reflective listening, you’re building a strong connection with your child. A connected relationship is a cooperative relationship. There’s no judgment or punishment – just learning and growing.

– Blinkist: Raising Good Humans by Hunter Clarke-Fields, MSAE

18/01/2023

When your five-year-old laughed maniacally as the vase shattered to the ground, you got mad. Maybe you got scared. Why?

Your next exercise is to think about how that situation would have gone in your own childhood. What would your mom or dad have said to you? What would they have done? How would that have made you feel?

Hopefully as you do this, you’re looking back at yourself as a child and feeling compassion. We’re not here to shame ourselves every time we get triggered, or to beat ourselves up for reacting badly. We’re here to model love to our children by first loving ourselves. So identify those triggers, and then give yourself a kind and compassionate pep talk.

Continue practicing the mindfulness we explored in part one. And the next time something triggering arises, do your best to interrupt your reaction. Take a deep breath, and walk away until your emotions come down and you can deal with the issue in a calm, intentional manner.

– Blinkist: Raising Good Humans by Hunter Clarke-Fields, MSAE