Narcissistic abuse and addiction recovery

04/04/2025

A sentiment I often hear from my clients seeking to take back control of their drinking (and something I also felt when I was drinking regularly) is " I don't like who I am when I drink". Alcohol can bring out the worst part of us, making us feel ashamed of our reactions. It stops us from being able to control our impulses and exacerbates anger and anxiety.

Shame is the very emotion that narcissists weaponise so they usually like it when you drink alcohol. When you drink to self medicate for emotional abuse you are unwittingly making the anxiety and shame you felt from the abuse a lot worse. So what does that make you feel like doing? That's right.... drink more alcohol to feel better!

Lets imagine that you had a way to relax, feel comfortable socially and generally improve your mood without needing to drink alcohol. Would this make you feel more confident about living a life where you are free from this habit? I have used hypnotherapy to help hundreds of people (including myself) break free from the alcohol habit. Stopping alcohol can feel lilke trying to solve a jigsaw puzzle when you don't have all the pieces. As a Clinical hypnotherapist and registered counsellor specialising in alcohol and drugs, and experienced in helping people with psychological abuse, I am confident that if you are highly motivated to break free I can help you to solve the puzzle.

Have you been through Narcissitic abuse? Do you find that you drink alcohol, smoke or overeat to manage the painful emotions from having been emotionally battered by the narcissist in your life? Well this page is for you.

22/02/2025

Many of my clients have experienced the heart ache of going through the family law courts with a narcissist.

It's so frustrating, invalidating, disempowering and heartbreaking when the courts don't seem to see what's really going on, and wanted to share some things that may help. Please do not see this as legal advice in any way though. Hire a lawyer for that. I am just offering some practical tips and would invite anyone else who has gone through it to also comment about anything that has helped them.

First, and I know this is hard when you're hurting, but save EVERYTHING. Those text messages you want to delete because they make you angry? Keep them. The emails that break your heart? Save them. Every missed visit, every strange comment from your kids – write it all down with dates. This stuff matters more than you might think.

One thing that can really make a difference is finding a lawyer who actually gets it – someone who really understands high-conflict parenting disputes and knows how to handle cases where one parent is trying to alienate the kids. They can push for things like Independent Children's Lawyers (ICL) and Family Reports, which can help get your side of the story heard properly ( I am in Australia so things may be different overseas).

Something else that's been crucial is having a good therapist. Not just for helping you strong but also to prevent the huge temptation to respond to the narcissist with your emotions rather than your logical mind. I remember years ago a psychologist said to me when I was going through it that the narcissist is thinking with a cool head.. they are calculating their next move and playing the game. If I keep responding to their manipulation with my emotions I will lose. It was great advice although I struggled to follow it at the time.

I know it's SO hard, but try to stay positive with your kids. Even when they're pushing you away, even when they're repeating horrible things they've been told about you – keep showing up. Keep sending those texts. Keep writing those letters. Don't trash talk their other parent, even though you probably really want to (believe me, I get it!).

Remember, you're not alone in this. It feels absolutely terrible to have your reputation trashed to your children (and so many others too). However, I have seen so many situations where the person who is put through hell ends up having a better relationship with their kids in the long run when the children ultimately figure things out.

Drop a comment if you need support or have any other tips to share.

16/02/2025

So many people, who are highly empathetic and come from families were our emotions were ignored or invalidated or our boundaries were consistently violated, can find it difficult to be able to spot a narcissist before it is too late.

Let's face it they don't usually reveal their true natures right away. At first you meet the very convincing false self which may mimic your interests or traits and make you feel that you have a deep connection.

So how can you protect yourself before it is too late? LISTEN TO THAT INNER VOICE/ INSTINCT! You are wiser than you realise. The biggest difference between a healthy/ mature minded person and a narcissist early in the relationship are inconsistencies. A narcisssist reveals inconsistencies or cracks in the veneer. We all have moods that may fluctuate from day to day or energy levels or passions, but our value systems don't swing wildly from day to day. So when the lovely, kind volunteer counsellor you recently met puts a young woman down about her figure, don't overlook it or write it off as an off moment. In other words if someone is portraying themselves as kind or empathetic, it is ok for them to have days where they may be cranky or unable to give but they should not swing to being cruel and self centred.

It is these cracks in the veneer that narc victims usually reflect on and think "I saw that, why didn't I act on it?". You know why you didn't act on it? It is because when someone who is appearing as really lovely suddenly becomes a completely different person, then suddenly morphs back into the nice role again you make excuses for it to make it make sense. Otherwise it is very disconcerting and confusing. So you may blame yourself, or find another reason why it happened. Yet later down the track when the narcissist is busy destroying your life you may kick yourself for dismissiing the warning signs.

Yet there was a part of you that knew all along that this wasn't right. It was sounding the alarm with that slightly uneasy feeling you got when you saw or heard the cracks. You can learn to not only trust these instincts but also spot the inconsistencies in the narcissists persona.

If you are recovering from narcissistic abuse and are self medicating with alcohol, smokes or food please visit www.habitbusters.com.au to get some support.

Do you want to FREE YOURSELF from your habit the easy way - like quit smoking, emotional eating, drinking or gambling? Habit Busters can help you and now offers online hypnotherapy consultations.

20/01/2025

Happy new year everyone! Christmas time can be a difficult time if you have family who are narcissistic. Some people have no contact and so this can also be hard at this time of year. How was everyone's Christmas and what are some of your hopes or goals for the new year?

02/12/2024

Breaking free from the cycle of narcissistic abuse is a journey that requires immense strength. The manipulation, gaslighting, and emotional turmoil can leave deep scars, making it hard to trust others—or even yourself. But there is hope. ❤️

EMDR therapy (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) is a powerful, evidence-based approach that can help you heal from the trauma of narcissistic abuse. Here's how:

✨ Reprocess painful memories: EMDR helps you desensitize and reframe the memories of abuse, reducing their emotional grip.
✨ Build self-worth: As the emotional anguish fades, you can reconnect with your inner strength and rebuild your sense of identity.
✨ Reduce triggers: EMDR helps weaken the emotional charge of words, actions, or situations that used to leave you feeling overwhelmed or powerless. So even if you can't go no-contact (NC) you will find that you are no longer reacting to them
✨ Regain control: You’ll begin to feel less stuck in the past, allowing you to move forward with clarity and confidence.

Healing is possible. If you’ve experienced narcissistic abuse, you don’t have to carry the weight alone. EMDR therapy could be the key to rediscovering peace and freedom in your life. 🕊️

If you’re ready to explore how EMDR can help, feel free to reach out. Your journey to healing starts with one step. Email info@habitbusters.com.au to find out how I can support you with your healing journey.

30/11/2024

Let me talk to you about something that's probably making you feel crazy right now - that intense pull to go back, even though you know they hurt you. That feeling that makes you question everything you know about love. That's not love - that's a trauma bond, and it's one of the hardest parts of breaking free.

You see, when someone alternates between hurting you and being kind, your brain gets caught in a cycle that feels impossible to break. Like an emotional roller coaster you never bought a ticket for. One day they're the most caring person in the world, the next they're tearing you down - and somehow, those glimpses of kindness become more powerful than all the pain.

I know you lie awake at night remembering the good moments. The way they could make you feel like the most special person in the world. The promises, the intensity, the connection that felt so real it hurt. And now you're questioning - was it all bad? Maybe if you just tried harder, loved more, explained better. The thing is that this is the trauma bond talking. It's like an addiction - your brain literally became chemically hooked on the highs and lows of that relationship. The withdrawal feels unbearable because it is literally a withdrawal. Your brain is healing from a very real chemical dependency created by abuse.

But here's what I need you to hear: The intensity you felt wasn't love - it was your nervous system in survival mode. Real love doesn't hurt. Real love doesn't confuse. Real love doesn't leave you constantly trying to prove your worth.

Each time you resist the urge to reach out, you're breaking that bond. Each time you sit with the discomfort instead of running back, you're rewiring your brain. Each time you choose yourself, even when it feels like you're dying inside, you're healing.

You're not crazy for missing someone who hurt you. You're not weak for struggling to let go. You're human, experiencing one of the most difficult things a heart can go through. On the other side of this pain is a peace you can't even imagine right now.

Keep going. One moment at a time. Your future self is so proud of you for holding on. 💜"

If you need help in overcoming this addiction to the narcissist and releasing the hold they have on you, reach contact me on info@habitbusters.com.au and I can explain the subconscious therapies that I use help to set you free.

27/11/2024

The relationship with a narcissist nearly always ends in one of two ways:

1/ They discard you leaving you questioning what was actually real in the relationship. You have no closure, no chance to properly grieve and often people are left feeling inadequate, wondering what they did wrong and longing for some kind of validation or explanation. If you don't truly understand narcissism, then your sense of logic would say that if someone who could be so charming and that you felt such a connection with has just ghosted you, it must be because you did something wrong. Or worse.... you ARE something wrong (shame).

2/ Scenario two is that you are the one who ended the relationship and consequently you have been or are currently being put through absolute hell. They target everything you need to be mentally strong. Your friendships, your job, your relationship with your kids, your financial security and most importantly your reputation. You are left wondering who amongst your circle they have got to. What have they told them? How can you possibly defend yourself when you don't even know if they have said anything or what they may have said. You just know they are busy tarnishing your reputation.

If you have survived either of these scenarios you are made of tough stuff! Please feel free to comment about your own experiences if you feel it may help others or if you are going through this yourself.

24/11/2024

Narcissistic abuse is really a special type of head muckery. They have a knack for abusing you whilst simultaneously shaming you for your reaction to the abuse. So you are abused and degraded, but somehow it is framed as being all your fault. Without any external validation of your experience, it is easy to internalise this shame. For example, they may do something so hurtful and cruel that you feel understandably angry. Then they invalidate your anger so you feel even more angry. They then may call you crazy or tell you that you have anger control problems. So you have no where to put your emotions. You can't process them because you are too ashamed of yourself and your feelings. This is why so many people turn to alcohol, smoking or food to cope.

People in your life often don't understand narcissistic abuse and may interpret your experience through the lens of a normal relationship. If you seek relationship counselling with a narcissist and the therapist doesn't understand narcissism, then you risk being re-traumatised as the charming narcissist frames you as being the crazy one.

Narcissists can destroy your reputation, isolate you from resources such as friends and income and leave you as an empty shell of who you once were.

So, how do you recover from this? Most people find that once the relationship has ended, then going no-contact is the only way to start the healing journey. Yet this is not always possible. Sometimes you can't leave the relationship or you have to have contact with this person. This is where you can start to build yourself up so that you are no longer emotionally vulnerable to the narcissist's abuse.

It helps to find a support group or a therapist who has experience in helping people through the trauma of narcissistic abuse.

Call now to connect with business.

17/03/2024

If you have been invalidated your whole life it can be difficult to feel confident about your decisions or feel like you have power and control in your life. Invalidation can take many forms. It can be being ignored, dismissed, being told someone else knows what's good for you, being laughed at or ridiculed, having your opinions or values undermined or ignored. If this has happened to you as a child red flags may not be raised if you experience this as an adult

Many of my clients eat or drink alcohol compulsively because they are subconsciously feeling anger or shame.

Once they learn to recognise that they do matter, gain a sense of self, and feel safe to assert themselves they often find that these behaviours reduce or are no longer needed