16/03/2026
SHAME BECOMES IDENTITY
Children experience a natural vulnerability for SHAME as they develop their self-concept due to their developmental sensitivities.
For example, the egocentric nature of their cognition means they have a tendency to attribute things that happen to themselves – i.e. they experience SHAME.
We see this often in children who have experienced parental separation – a child who attributes this to something they have done wrong or because “I am naughty”.
Shame is an intense affective state that can be moved through……HOWEVER…..
Cumulative experiences of shame can being to shape development of their self-concept and their relationship with self.
For these children, their self-concept becomes based in shame.
“I’m bad”
“I’m naughty”
“I’m unloveable”
“I’m not good enough”
And these shame-based self-beliefs become the lenses of the glasses through which they move through their days.
No wonder school and learning can be so hard for these children!
Supporting a child’s healthy development of self is essential for their overall health and wellbeing.