Amanda Hallam Couples Counselling

Amanda Hallam Couples Counselling I’m a Couples Therapist and am passionate about supporting couples to feel more connected

Psychology confirms: Shutdown isn’t rejection—it’s protection.Dr. Maya Chen’s framework? A neuroscience-backed path to s...
07/09/2025

Psychology confirms: Shutdown isn’t rejection—it’s protection.

Dr. Maya Chen’s framework? A neuroscience-backed path to safety.
Pause. (Calm the amygdala.)
Validate. (Rebuild trust.)
Revisit. (Rewire connection.)

What’s one small step you’ll take toward safety next time?

What if trust isn't about fixing what's broken?When trust shatters between two people, we scramble for perfect words or ...
05/09/2025

What if trust isn't about fixing what's broken?

When trust shatters between two people, we scramble for perfect words or grand fixes, but Dr. Sue Johnson cuts through all that noise. Trust isn't about flawless ex*****on or never messing up again. It's the quiet, terrifying choice to stay when every instinct screams to run. It's looking at someone you've hurt, really seeing their pain, your hands still dirty from causing it and not flinching. Not defending. Not disappearing. Just turning toward the wreckage you both stand in and whispering, "I'm here." Not because you have the answers, but because you refuse to abandon them in the dark. That's the messy, unglamorous work of rebuilding trust: choosing presence over perfection, again and again, until the trembling stops.

That quiet moment when you realise "we" feels like two efficient strangers sharing a life? Love’s not gone. It’s just bu...
05/09/2025

That quiet moment when you realise "we" feels like two efficient strangers sharing a life? Love’s not gone. It’s just buried under the weight of routines, screens, and "getting things done."

It starts with admitting the drift out loud. Terrifying, but necessary. Putting down the phone to actually see each other again. Choosing messy connection over perfect logistics. Touching like you mean it, not just out of habit. Remembering why "us" matters more than "done."

No grand gestures needed. Just unearthing what’s already there.

Ever wonder why a small disagreement feels like life-or-death?You might be battling a trauma ghost, not your partner."Th...
04/09/2025

Ever wonder why a small disagreement feels like life-or-death?
You might be battling a trauma ghost, not your partner.

"The person in front of you isn’t your past. Choose to see them, not the ghost."

🔹 A forgotten text feels like abandonment
🔹 A criticism feels like a childhood attack
🔹 A request for space feels like rejection

You’re not "crazy" or "too sensitive."
Your nervous system is protecting you from a past that’s already over.

SHARE with a couple who needs to see their conflict clearly.

QUIZ: Is This Conflict or a Trauma Trigger?3 Signs to Watch For(Take this with your partner when you feel "stuck" in a r...
27/08/2025

QUIZ: Is This Conflict or a Trauma Trigger?
3 Signs to Watch For
(Take this with your partner when you feel "stuck" in a reactive loop)

NEXT STEPS
✅ SAVE this quiz to revisit when tension rises.
✅ SHARE with your partner and discuss: "Where do we see trauma showing up?"

WHY THIS MATTERS
Trauma triggers aren’t "bad" they’re your body’s alarm system. Learning to distinguish them from ordinary conflict is the first step to reclaiming safety and intimacy.

💡 "Understanding your triggers doesn’t excuse hurtful behavior—it explains it. And explanation is the bridge to healing."

You coordinate dentist appointments and tax deadlines flawlessly. You remember each other’s coffee orders and parent-tea...
26/08/2025

You coordinate dentist appointments and tax deadlines flawlessly. You remember each other’s coffee orders and parent-teacher conference times. But when was the last time you asked, ‘What’s scaring you lately?’ and truly listened to the answer?
You’re not failing at marriage. You’re just trapped in what Dr. John Gottman calls ‘functional disconnection’ the silent epidemic where couples master logistics but lose the language of intimacy.

Do you kiss goodbye like a chore, not a promise? Do you touch your partner’s arm and feel nothing or worse, flinch? That’s not ‘just life.’ That’s your attachment bond starving.

Ready to be unstuck? Slide us a DM.

There’s no manual for loving someone through mental health storms. You’ll fumble. You’ll doubt. You’ll wonder if your pr...
25/08/2025

There’s no manual for loving someone through mental health storms. You’ll fumble. You’ll doubt. You’ll wonder if your presence is enough when their world feels like it’s crumbling. This graphic? It’s not a checklist it’s the permission slip to stop trying to be their hero and start being their human.

The hard truth:
You won’t fix their pain. But you’ll build a bridge over it. And sometimes? That’s everything.

Tag someone who’s been your bridge. 🌉

This beautiful metaphor captures the essence of partnership when mental health challenges enter a relationship. It's not...
18/08/2025

This beautiful metaphor captures the essence of partnership when mental health challenges enter a relationship. It's not about fixing or solving it's about showing up, creating space, and moving together through the storm. Remember: the strongest couples aren't those without problems, but those who've learned to dance in the rain together. 💙

What's one 'rainy day' moment that actually strengthened your relationship? Share below—we learn from each other's stories. 👇

That static in your bones when someone touches you? The way your voice vanishes in arguments? The feeling you're watchin...
13/08/2025

That static in your bones when someone touches you? The way your voice vanishes in arguments? The feeling you're watching your life through thick glass?

Dr. Bessel van der Kolk says it plainly: Trauma isn't just a memory. It's rewired your nervous system. It lives in your startle reflex, your frozen shoulders, your gut that clenches before you even know why.

Your body became a map of survival. And while that map kept you alive once, it might be leading you in circles now making you fight when you're safe, run when you're loved, shut down when connection is possible.

But here's the liberation: Your body isn't your enemy. It's your archive. Every tremor, every flinch, every wave of nausea is data. Data about what you endured. And data about where you need gentleness now.

Healing isn't about erasing the map. It's about learning to read it with compassion, then drawing new paths toward safety. 🌿

What part of your body's language have you been taught to ignore?

That knot in your stomach when someone gets too close? The way you flinch at kindness? The silent panic when plans chang...
12/08/2025

That knot in your stomach when someone gets too close? The way you flinch at kindness? The silent panic when plans change?
Childhood trauma doesn’t stay in childhood. It hides in your adult relationships whispering lies like "Don’t trust them," "You’re too much,"* or "They’ll leave anyway."
It shows up in the walls you build, the words you swallow, the love you sabotage. In the exhaustion of constantly scanning for danger in safe arms.
But here’s the truth: Your survival instincts aren’t flaws. They’re proof you endured. And healing isn’t about erasing that past it’s about learning to let love in anyway.
You’re not broken. You’re becoming. And that’s powerful. 🖤

What if the part of you that learned to armor up is the same part that’s ready to finally lay down the sword?

Love doesn’t die from one big moment. It fades in the silence. It fades when we stop choosing each other in the everyday...
11/08/2025

Love doesn’t die from one big moment. It fades in the silence. It fades when we stop choosing each other in the everyday mess when we let life take more space than connection.

Keeping love alive isn’t about grand gestures. It’s about showing up when it’s hard. It’s about listening when you're tired, holding space when they’re hurting, and still reaching for each other when the spark dims.

The truth? Love is not a feeling to chase it’s a commitment to make. Every. Single. Day.

Choose the hard conversations. Make time. Say “I love you” when it’s awkward. Touch them when you’re annoyed. Remind them they matter not just when it’s easy, but especially when it’s not.

Because love that lasts is never accidental.
It’s earned, fought for, and tended like something sacred.

Keeping love alive in a relationship takes intention, effort, and consistency especially as time passes and life gets busier.

Love that lasts isn’t accidental. It’s cultivated. It’s a choice made every day, in big moments and small ones. Love is ...
10/08/2025

Love that lasts isn’t accidental. It’s cultivated. It’s a choice made every day, in big moments and small ones. Love is a verb not just something you say, but something you show.

Whether you're in a long-term partnership or starting something new, ask yourself: How am I showing up? How am I tending to this relationship? Because in the end, it’s the doing, not just the feeling, that makes love real.

The strongest relationships aren’t built on luck, they’re built on effort. Show love like it’s a practice, not a promise.

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