Care to Bloom

06/01/2026

04/01/2026

18/12/2025

When we grow up in abuse, toxic parents only see their children in the roles they put them in, not the individual and beautiful spirits right in front of them. ⁠
Part of childhood trauma is that their version of us usually becomes our identity. It's how WE feel about ourselves.⠀⁠
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We have to return their twisted view of us to them. As children and teens, they were the experts on who we were and had all the power. How messed up is that? ⠀⁠
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To begin getting out of that identity, ask, did your parents even know you?⠀⁠
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Did they see you struggle, or that you were selfish about their struggle?⠀⁠
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Did they know what you needed, instead of criticizing you for having needs?⠀⁠
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Did they know you're funny? ⠀⁠
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Did they know why you were shy?⠀⁠
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Did they know you were a good kid?⠀⁠
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Did they know how you felt about your friends? ⠀⁠
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Did they know you were a good kid, or constantly saw you as sketchy and not believing in you?⠀⁠
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Did they enjoy you?⠀⁠
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My parents had a version of me that had nothing to do with the kind of kid I was, the man I've become, or the life I've built. They still don't know me and don't have the capacity to.⁠
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It was scary getting rid of who they said I was because there was grief in knowing they were wrong, and I had been lied to this whole time.
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Thank god I had healthy people in therapy to mirror back who I actually was.
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New rule - toxic people don't get to tell you who you are.

18/12/2025

12/12/2025

Healing is a strange process.⁠
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We start by feeling like we are the only person that had a toxic family or a narcissistic parent and went through the specific mess that was⁠
our childhood. ⁠
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Then we wake up usually after a family crisis or another abusive event that somehow crosses a line or us. ⁠
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After that point, we start seeking education and answers to help us with the confusion and second-guessing. We've known it was wrong on some unconscious level, but how bad was it really?⁠
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Once we start changing and benefitting from some work, we want others to get it too. We see their stuck places as we were just there six months ago. ⁠
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Some people never really wake up or want to explore what is going ⁠
on for them from their family system of origin. Letting others have their process and let go of our wish for them to get it is healthy. It is especially heartbreaking for family members left behind in the mess. ⁠
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I'm grateful for waking up and for the healing process after, but it was a big adjustment to realize the majority of people don't get family of origin abuse nor care to know about it, which takes some ⁠
time getting used to.