12/09/2023
Grief
Really transforms you with enormous humility.
From the harshness of reality and blinding truths not willing or wanting to embody.
Denial
Even trying to sugar coat unsuccessfully.
But you can’t really pretend to be OK when you are not.
Platitudes make you want to internally revolt.
Then to heart tearing anger and loss of control.
To reaching out for support.
To seek understanding through the witness of trusted friends counsel
Handing over, seeking grace to fill the empty void
The dark recesses of regret, and dissatisfaction become horrifyingly real and it comes in waves.
No sooner has one subsided and another crashes upon your tender mantle
To the process of time, compassion and patience and perseverance.
The veil, so thin.
Your senses heightened.
Nature sends signs
You sleep and dream
You respect their soul has its own place meaning and timing beyond comprehension of you alone. You begin to let go
As you gather and recognise the myriad of tiny lights and unshed tears in the eyes of the many as touched by the life lost as you alone.
And the incomprehensibility of everything drifts heavenward like a bubble seeking elevation, to know itself in the vastness of space and time and matter.
You do matter. How you experience does matter.
Yet as you carry on, no one truly sees.
As you mask your process, transforming inside the shell of normality.
A chrysalis to becoming.
A choice to make
To embrace or deny
The depth of grief / love
As they are entwined
Yet seperate
And in time joy enzymes will once again break down the proteins that held heart captive in griefs layers of entombment
As nature tends to you internally as we heal and steal hesitantly or at times exuberantly and always inevitably to our own ends.
Creating as we go, the seeds we sow
In timelessly becoming one with
Love
