01/11/2025
Yes to all of this!!
Sunday Musings: What Does It Really Mean to Feel Safe?
If you’ve been following my recent posts — especially the ones about being safe from us and safe with us — you’ll know the word “safety” has sparked some great discussion.
Many people quite rightly think of safety as avoiding harm: not getting kicked, bitten, or trampled. It’s a big part of what I do every day as a coach — helping riders and horses stay physically safe. In fact, safety is the very first of the ISES Ten Principles of Horse Training: Regard for horse and human safety.
But lately, through personal development work, watching Warwick Schiller’s work, and my own study of Polyvagal Theory, I’ve come to realise there’s another layer — one that most of us never used to talk about...
It’s the kind of safety that happens inside.
For most of my career, I thought safety was something you could see — helmets, boots, distance, discipline. But a few years ago, I began to learn what it means for the body itself to feel safe.
Polyvagal Theory describes the nervous system as a kind of internal surveillance system, always asking one question: “Am I safe?”
When the answer is no, the body prepares for battle or escape — heart racing, muscles tight, breath shallow. When the answer is yes, the system shifts gears: heart rate slows, breathing deepens, and we can rest, learn, and connect.
Neuroscientist Stephen Porges explains it this way:
“Feelings of safety are the product of cues of safety that down-regulate threat reactions and neutralise defensive strategies.”
And Deb Dana calls that ventral-vagal state “the place where we feel grounded, organised, and ready to meet the day. Life feels manageable; we see options and have hope.”
That’s what internal safety feels like.
Horses have nervous systems, too. A horse that looks “quiet” can still be frozen inside — not safe, just shut down.
When my own nervous system is buzzing — anxious, frustrated, or distracted — the horse feels that. Their internal system asks, “Am I safe with you?”
True safety between horse and human isn’t just about preventing accidents. It’s about creating a shared state where both nervous systems can breathe. Where neither of us is waiting for the next explosion, correction, or misunderstanding.
That’s the kind of safety I want to bring into the arena:
Physical safety — so no one gets hurt.
Emotional safety — so horse and rider can learn.
Internal safety — so both bodies can rest and trust.
Next time you step into the paddock or arena, take a moment before you pick up the reins.
Notice your breath.
Take stock of things around you you can see, hear, smell, feel and taste. Ask your own nervous system: “Do I feel safe in this moment?”
Because the horse will already be asking that question about you.
