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Monday 9:30am - 5:30pm Tuesday 9:30am - 5:30pm Wednesday 9:30am - 5:30pm Thursday 9:30am - 5:30pm

Phil Bird Psychology

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Kotara, NSW
Phil Bird Psychology

Psychologist/ Director at the Nest Health Hub, neuroscience-informed practice speaker and trainer

Phil is a Consultant Psychologist who provides assessment, therapy, clinical supervision and training in Newcastle and Lake Macquarie, NSW. Phil has extensive experience working with children, adolescents and adults with a range of challenges including developmental trauma, anxiety, depression, relationship difficulties, grief and loss, bullying, posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD), Autism Spectrum Disorder, ADHD, aggressive behaviours, attachment difficulties and complex behaviour problems.

09/03/2026

The FOUR R's to co-regulate before bed.

Support the development of the limbic system (emotional brain)

1. Read to them: When we use the "storytellers" voice while reading to our children, our tone of voice sends signals of safety and regulation to the brainstem. Reading before bed can help to reduce stress and anxiety and improve sleep patterns. 📖

2. Recall the day: This supports them to meet the need for connection before sleep. It also supports new memories and connections to be formed through the hippocampus (memory) in the limbic system during sleep. 🧠

3. Repair any ruptures: This helps them to regulate any unprocessed emotions from relationship ruptures through the day. This supports the processing of emotions during REM sleep 💔➡️❤️

4. Remind them that they are loved. This one speaks for itself! Every child should end every day feeling safe, connected and loved. ❤️

This is the foundation for healthy brain development. 🧠 🌟

02/03/2026

Why some children start to WIND UP⬆️ at bedtime 🧠💤

The window before sleep is one of the most important times for the developing brain.

As the cortex begins to wind down, sometimes the limbic system (emotional brain) takes this as a signal to activate. ⬆️

This is the time where children may express any unprocessed or supressed needs from the day 🧠

They may appear to be delaying bedtime, but deep in their nervous system they are seeking a final bid for connection. 💙

It is through these brief, but important moments of connection that children begin to feel safe and regulated to drift off to sleep. 🧠💤

Once they have processed through connection, they are much more prepared to process their day through their REM sleep stages 😴

This process supports many functions including memory consolidation and increasing attention, emotion regulation and memory recall the next day. 💡

This is how small doses of connection at the right time can create BIG changes! 🧠✨️

24/02/2026

Sometimes the biggest changes in behaviour come when we stop trying to change them. 🧠✨️

09/02/2026

Children are spending significantly less time with their parents compared to 30 years ago. 👪

What we do during our time with the has never been more important. ⏳️

They are spending more time online where MRI research shows a reduction in white matter in the brain in associated with increased screen time. White matter is essential for neural connectivity and development. 🧠

The absence of relational connection from the increased use of devices slows neural connectivity and brain development.

Children have less free time for unstructured play and curiosity. An essential process that creates agency, self-direction and development of the sense of self in the pre-frontal cortex 💡

Many schools and systems are still setup on a basis of behaviour management and control, with less space for relationship. 🏫🚸

This means our children are developing in an increasingly connection deficit society.

Their behaviours have already began to adapt, with increases in:
👉 Hyperactivity,
👉Impulsivity,
👉 Emotional reactivity,
👉Novelty seeking, and
👉 Oppositional behaviours.

These behaviours all have one thing in common...They are connection seeking behaviours.

These behaviours are often misunderstood in young boys especially, leading to an increase in what we call 'the nurture gap.'

The nurture gap is the space between what children need and what they recieve in our society. And we need to start talking about it. 🧠🌿

We will be writing more about this in our next article, but...

If you are a parent raising boys, we would love to hear what YOU think! 💡

Are the needs and behaviours of young boys often misunderstood?

Are children developing in an increasingly attention deficit society?

References:
Image from In Plain Sight report (released 2025); Queensland Family and Child Comission.

Hutton, J. S., Dudley, J., Horowitz-Kraus, T., DeWitt, T., & Holland, S. K. (2019). Associations between screen-based media use and brain white matter integrity in preschool-aged children. JAMA Pediatrics, 173(3), 244–250.

06/02/2026

Are boys really 'born to be wild?' 🤸‍♂️🤸‍♂️

The research says....
No!

They are born with the same nurture needs as girls. What differs is how they express their needs and how we nurture them. 🧠🌿

In our society, boys tend to recieve less nurture than girls.

We call this 'the nurture gap' and it can have a profound impact on development.💡

Boys need just as much warmth, regulation and connection as girls.
They may just show it differently.

If you are a parent raising boys, you can read all about the nurture gap in our recent article published in The Australian. 📰

Comment 'nurture' and we'll send you a copy! 🧠🌿

02/02/2026

The need for control and automony is an essential stage of development (as challenging as it can be at times 😅).

Often children will show a strong need for control as they begin to develop their sense of self and create new networks in their social brain. This can present as:
👉 Clinging to toys;
👉 Becoming more possessive of space and toys;
👉 Insisting on doing everything for themselves;
👉 More oppositional;
👉 Increase in 'sibling rivalry' during play.

This is an important building block to express their needs outside of the primary attachment system in social relationships. 🧠✨️

30/01/2026

Here are THREE powerful things happening inside your child’s brain when you read aloud:

1. Your 'storyteller' tone voice helps their nervous system to co-regulate with you and feel a sense of safety.

The rhythm and warmth of a storyteller’s voice activates the vagus nerve through their tiny middle ear muscles.

This sends the message of safety and regulation to their nervous system.

Reading becomes regulation. 🧠✨️

2. Creating connection in the limbic system

As safety and regulation increase, the brain releases oxytocin — the bonding hormone.

Oxytocin supports:

🌿 attachment
🌿trust
🌿 emotional connection

So the story isn’t just about entertainment…
It’s relationship-building at a biological level.

3. Curiosity and attention systems in the pre-frontal cortex

As your child imagines characters, predicts what happens next, and holds images in mind…

Their prefrontal cortex lights up — the part of the brain responsible for:

🌱 attention
🌱 meaning-making
🌱 curiosity
🌱 learning

When safety + connection + curiosity come together…

That’s the sweet spot for healthy brain development.

Their nervous system isn’t just hearing a story… You are helping them to develop their brain in these small moments. 🧠🌿

No wonder when the story ends they look up and say:

"Can we read it again?!” 😅

24/01/2026

Without sustained nurture, boys are at risk of becoming men who:

1. Appear intimidating when they become overwhelmed;

2. Dismiss the needs of others because their needs were never acknowledged;

3. Resort to control because they never learned that relationships are a safe place to be vulnerable and connect;

4. See anger as the only permissable emotion;

5. Struggle in relationships because vulnerability feels like danger.

We talk about the challenges of youth mental health, su***de and domestic violence as separate crises. But to those that work with children and families, they trace back to the same cultural fault line: a gap between what children biologically need and what boys in particular, are allowed to recieve.

We call it 'the nurture gap.' And we need to start talking about it. The nurture gap is not a personal failing of parents, it is a cultural blind spot, one we have the science and moral responsibility to correct.

Read the full article on the nurture gap by and in .australian.

21/01/2026

I have teamed up with the amazing Rachel Samson to write this article for a unified response to close the gap through meeting the fundamental nuture-based needs of safety, regulation and connection across every level of society.

Read the full article in the Australian today via the link in bio.

14/01/2026

The most meaningful change in the developing brain occurs through connection rather than correction.

Whether it is through parenting, early education, school settings, therapy or otherwise; it is imperative that relational safety and connection is the priority for every child across every level of society.

18/11/2025

Do we need to rethink the term "meltdown?" 🫠

They aren't really 'melting down.'

But they are always doing this behaviour for a reason...

And the reason is that their nervous system is seeking safety and co-regulation in that moment.

So perhaps we should just call it what it is...safety seeking or regulation seeking.

If we can shift our interpretation of these behaviours, it can help us to shift how we respond in these moments.

And what children need from us the most is a response that matches the need of their nervous system. 🧠✨️

Which do you prefer?

-regulation

05/11/2025

🌱4 things co-regulation and gardening have in common🌱

1. The needs of every plant (child) is unique.
Each plant has different needs for:
☀️ Sun (active regulation)
⛱️ Shade (quiet regulation)
💧Water (nurture and connection)

2. Every plant needs water to grow 💧
Neural connections can not thrive without relational connection.
It muse be foundational and never conditional.

3. We can't water plants with an empty watering can.
We need to regularly fill up from the tap of regulation and connection 🚰

4. Growth occurs below the surface before we see change above the surface 🪴
We need to continue to show up as consistently as possible even when we don't see changes to surface behaviours straight away.

Every child needs at least one watering can (co-regulator) to thrive. The more watering cans, the better!

Follow for more psychology, parenting and the needs of the nervous system 🧠🌱

Address

Suite 22, 10 Bradford Close
Kotara, NSW
2289

Opening Hours

Monday	9:30am - 5:30pm
Tuesday	9:30am - 5:30pm
Wednesday	9:30am - 5:30pm
Thursday	9:30am - 5:30pm

Website

http://philbirdpsychology.com.au/

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