29/05/2026
This is me on the table.
And every time I lie here, I think about the 17-year-old girl who realised she couldn’t function like she used to.
I had changed schools to study drama and dance.
Dance was my world.
It wasn’t just a subject.
It was who I was.
And then my body changed.
I remember standing in my bedroom before school, holding the hairdryer…
and feeling so exhausted I didn’t know how I was going to lift my arms long enough to dry my hair.
My muscles ached constantly.
The fatigue was heavy and unrelenting.
I could barely get through a school day.
I hadn’t even finished my VCE.
And I remember completing my final dance CAT… on a chair.
On a chair.
After swapping schools for dance.
It felt so unaligned with who I actually was.
I had an ulcer the size of a 20 cent coin.
I was fading away physically.
And that’s exactly how I felt inside.
Like nothing.
Not dramatic.
Not loud.
Just… disappearing.
And no one really had language for what was happening in my body.
So I adapted.
I became strong.
I pushed through.
I coped.
I held it together.
I made it work.
But underneath that strength,
my nervous system was bracing.
When your body goes through long periods of overwhelm,
it learns protection.
It tightens.
It guards.
It stays alert.
And when protection becomes your baseline,
relaxation doesn’t feel natural.
It feels unfamiliar.
Sometimes even unsafe.
For a long time, lying on a table and receiving care felt harder than pushing through.
Slowing down felt wrong.
Rest felt weak.
Softness felt exposed.
But now I understand something I didn’t at 17:
My body didn’t betray me.
It was overwhelmed.
It was protecting me.
It was doing its best.
And so was I.
If you’ve been strong since you were far too young…
If your body has carried more than anyone realised…
If part of you feels like you disappeared along the way…
You are not broken.
Your nervous system learned to survive.
And survival patterns can be gently unwound.
This work is personal for me.
Because I’ve been the girl who finished her final dance exam on a chair and felt like she was fading away.
Comment “THIS IS ME” if you’ve been strong for longer than you should have had to be 💛