Internal Connections Counselling

29/01/2025

How you feel matters 💗
Often people ask the question. Is what I feel valid? Am I over reacting? The short answer is no, how you feel is how you feel.

Often how we feel was dimissed by the people around us. This doen't make them "bad" people. It makes them uncomfortable with how you feel. Don't let other peoples discomfort talk you out of your truth. How you feel, is how you feel. Period, there is no right or wrong.

Then then comes the next step of healing and recovery. After we honor our feelings, we can learn from them.

What are they trying to tell me, How does that feel in my body? What is unresolved from my past that needs my attention? What boundary do I need to gain more clarity around and communicate more clearly? A few examples of where the magic of recoverly begins.

Do you treat your emotions like they really matter?

02/12/2024

Toxic Certainty vs Self Leadership

Lately I have been uncovering words or phrases for things that previously were abstract concepts in my mind and therefore a little difficult for me to fully form a clear understanding of my experience.

There have been two significant epiphanies lately and toxic certainty was one.

Have you ever had the experience where someone is so certain about YOUR experience? Perhaps expressing certainty about “how it is” generally, or how someone “is”.

I have had two friends in my life who were particularly disorienting for me. Both women had wisdom, but also so much pain, so much hurt, anger and disappointment. They thought they were seeing my life with certainty. Intuitively I knew at the time, they were not seeing me. How you say? Because I felt misunderstood.

Perhaps, they were seeing their experiences or maybe they were seeing THROUGH the lens of their experience and projecting it on me. If you are not free yourself, your lens will be distorted.

I knew inside a lot of what they said just didn’t really land with me, It made me feel bad about myself, and when I reflect on it now what I now know is when someone has a lot of force behind their words and that force doesn’t uplift you, that just might be a signal of toxic certainty.

Truth spoken will pierce you straight to the core and in my experience, it leaves you elevated, and a little more free that you were before you heard it.

Truth is freeing, Toxic certainty for me was disorienting and confusing.

My personal and professional experience has several lenses in which to look through, Self-leadership is when the core of who you are is driving your life, not your wounds.

The Internal Family systems therapeutic model calls this Self-Energy
The New called it being Woke
The Rebels call it Sovereignty
The Spiritual community calls it Ascension

I call it Freedom. The deepest human longing is freedom from suffering.

You can recognise it by these characteristics = compassion, curiosity, clarity, creativity, calm, confidence, courage, and connectedness.

My goal, always, is to spark your mind to get in touch with your heart. In my experience, that connection is forged through being able to feel into your body.

For me, this has been the intersection where self leadership has come into form.