01/05/2026
In my old life (code for married life 😆). I would get told "I thought you were supposed to be all spiritual and positive" (if I was ever negative) ~ like those 2 things are supposed to go hand in hand.
If im honest though, in my 20s, watching 'The Secret', adoring Doreen Virtue and a tendency to look on the bright side of life, I absolutely thought that was the case.
The truth was
I was so very ANGRY underneath it all. I was a frightened, shameful, broken wee lass.
(Brought upon by a surgery I had no control over)
If I think of myself as a tree 🌳 it was like I was able to live in my outer rings for the most part. If I just stayed in the outer ones and not feel too much into the inner ones I could laugh, love and live in my little bubble. I had a very beautiful life though, amazing people and a inner strength/light that could carry me through anything.
The light in me and my life was and is very real but the shadow/dark part of me scared the s**t out of me and it's also very real).
I didn't like it, I didn't like how it felt and I didn't like being seen to be anything other than positive.
It's actually a very tiring place to live in the outer rings and unfortunately not very sustainable. I say unfortunately cause I hate change (loathe it) but those inner rings weren't staying quiet. They showed up as anxiety, depression, mood swings and all that other stuff and they wouldn't go away.
Things were imploding in my life and s**t hit the fan, it had to because I couldn't continue that path. My subsequent surgeries, marriage ending and some other fun stuff were all what I call 'course correctors'. Eventually I had to face my inner rings and I still am to this day. I'm a very old tree my rings tell me 🤣.
Out of all the things I've worked through, being positive is probably the one I still find tricky/sticky.
Working progress ❤️
I can't remember where I was going with this post but yeah 😅🤣💛
Oh yeah
Being spiritual isn't about being positive ~ they don't go hand in hand. That's bypassing all the real magic that is you ✨️