Kym Madden Counselling

03/05/2026

RESET. A Strange Word.

What does it mean to reset yourself?

Sometimes, it’s time for a reset. You may feel weighed down by a lot of demands, physically you are sluggish or you may be processing a lot of emotion. You know you are not running at your best, even though the reasons may not be clear.

Just like when your computer has slowed, you can try refreshing it. A light change – such as getting a few night of good sleep, getting more fresh air and exercise, or eating a healthier diet - can lift your motivation and give you energy. If this doesn’t last, however, you may need something more substantial. You may need a full restart – a reset is like that.

A reset is an interesting concept. And it can be scary. Because it’s a shake-up of your life, on purpose: it affects your whole self and the way you are living. There’s usually a decision made and actions taken.

There's a shift in our identity, and how we are doing things.

The need for a reset may build over a long time. It can be triggered by a shock, a loss, a deep chasm of grief or merely a grim realisation that things need to change. That life is calling. There’s a flicker of hope that there is more to life than this. It’s time for a change.

A life reset can take all of our courage, and this may take a while to muster. We also might need the support of another. Sometimes we have to get practical help.

A reset is a healthy thing because we do need it at some points in our life.

A diagnosis, a divorce, a job loss, depression, a death, a growing addiction, a relationship that is draining your life. Or months of feeling like you’re on a hamster wheel, going nowhere regardless of what you try. Perhaps you have simply moved into a different season of life.

Are you ready for a reset?

20/04/2026

When Fear Becomes Our Normal

We all have moments when we suddenly feel unsafe – something in our immediate situation is dangerous or could become dangerous. Our system goes into overdrive. We become hyperalert and prepared to fight or flee. This is our instinct keeping us alive.

However, much of our fear is not based on real external threats: it’s our perception, our interpretation, that makes us scared.

Fear that moves through you quickly and dissipates is not a drama; it is when we get into the habit of holding fear in our bodies, unconsciously, that fear can become the organising force in our life.

A fearful way of experiencing life can last a day, a week, a month, or years and it can have a devastating impact on us.

Here are 10 of the simplest ways to start to breaking down fear:

1. Slow your breathing. A longer exhale, in particular, helps settle the body's alarm system and makes it easier to do something constructive right now.
Example: inhale for 3 seconds, exhale for 6 seconds, and repeat 5 times.

2. Name the fear plainly. Labelling the feeling clarifies your feeling and helps stop it spiralling.
Example: “I am feeling afraid about this conversation.”

3. Break it down. Taking one small step at a time makes action more possible when fear is freezing progress.
Example: if making a phone call feels too hard, just find the number. Then press dial without lifting the phone.

4. Move. Physical movement helps to interrupt stuck thinking and promotes momentum.
Example: stand up, walk to the door, or open the document.

5. Change your location. Stepping into a quieter or calmer place even for a moment lowers overload and helps the nervous system reset.
Example: move from a noisy room to a hallway or outside bench.

6. Walk for a few minutes. A short walk helps discharge adrenaline and clears the mind.
Example: walk around the block before returning to the task.

7. Use grounding. Sensory connection with the world around you brings your attention back to the present instead of imagined catastrophe.
Example: name 5 things you see and rub hands together.

8. Ask for something small. Support can reduce the sense of being trapped without taking away your own agency.
Example: ask someone to sit nearby while you begin.

9. Write down your worry. Putting the thought on paper can make it feel less overwhelming and easier to evaluate.
Example: “I am afraid I will fail and look foolish.”

10. Do the smallest possible version of the task. Partial action often breaks paralysis and builds confidence.
Example: if a whole conversation feels too much, send one short text instead.

Fear can be exhausting. If you're going round and round with a dilemma you’re facing, a counsellor can help. Look for someone who will support you to make decisions, and move forward.

04/04/2026

Everyone has the capacity to live their best life going forward. (Thanks Joshua Becker.)

15/01/2026

How are you feeling NOW?

Asking this question is something worth doing, even though we live in a beautiful part of the world. Because things are not always perfect.

Are we alright, in this moment?

We might not like what's happening. Chances are, however, we are ok. To realise this is enormously calming, and it creates a foundation to live a more positive life.

Author and psychologist Rick Hanson explains: “To keep our ancestors alive, the brain evolved strong tendencies toward fear, including an ongoing internal trickle of unease. This little whisper of worry keeps you scanning your inner and outer worlds for signs of trouble.

“This background of unsettledness and watchfulness is so automatic that you can forget it's there. So see if you can tune into tension, guarding, or bracing in your body. Or a vigilance about your environment or other people. Or a block against completely relaxing, letting down, letting go.

"Try to walk [outside] without a molecule of wariness; it's really hard. Or try to sit at home for five minutes straight while feeling undefended, soft in your body, utterly comfortable in the moment as it is, at peace. This is impossible for most people.

“The brain's default setting of apprehensiveness is a great way to keep a monkey looking over its shoulder for something about to pounce. But it's a crummy way to live. It wears down well-being, feeds anxiety, depression and makes people play small in life.

“Even worse, it's based on a lie....if you do take a close look at this moment, right now, no one is attacking you, you are not drowning, no bombs are falling, there is no crisis. It's not perfect, but you're OK.

"By ‘right now’, I really mean this instant....[putting aside] the past and future. Look again at the thin slice of time that is the present...Is the heart beating? Is the mind working? The answers are almost certainly yes.

“It's possible to access this fundamental sense of ‘alrightness’ even while getting things done. You're not ignoring real threats or issues or pretending that everything is perfect. But in the middle of everything, you can usually see that you're actually alright right now.”

Rick's point is important. Simply realising you are safe in this instant, that you don' need to be tense, gives you space.

It allows you to live from a more peaceful foundation.

What you are doing is shifting your view from the choppy surface of the waters of life to the underlying calm beneath the waves.

Sometimes, it’s hard to do. That’s ok. We don’t need to be perfect. As soon as you can, try it.

12/12/2025

Freedom from Rules that Kill our Day

As a local counsellor, I have a question for you.

Are you living by an internal rulebook that cuts you off from accepting others, and yourself?

We all have our 'rules'. They are ‘the shoulds’ that have been passed on through our families or have blown out from our experiences. Usually without our realising it. They show up in many different ways, for example, “I should be able to x”, “you should do y” or “It shouldn’t happen this way.”

They act as rules for what we or others must do, or be, or how situations must unfold. If not, we feel entitled to be annoyed or upset.

This is not to suggest that things can’t be improved….of course, there is always room to respond in a constructive way. We also need personal boundaries, and and as a society, there are behaviours that we agree keep us safe as a community.

What I’m talking about are expectations that quietly but surely rule our state of mind: we believe things must be a certain way. They really must. We hold these ideas to be reasonable, to be true. And so we end up battling others, or ourselves, or life in general.

Every day brings a struggle of one kind or another. Because things quite often aren't as they should be. No wonder we feel depressed or anxious sometimes.

There is good news: our rules can go. The first step to releasing them, and finding a lot more harmony in your day, is simply becoming aware of any rigidity in our expectations.

What are you saying to yourself when you are upset?
What are your ‘shoulds’?

Just noticing creates some distance from them. These rules have been used by you. They are not you.

Soren in his Wisdom 2.0 blog says this:

'Most of us carry around a mental model—a story—of how people ought to live, and then we offer that story to others in the form of a should.

“You should get a job.”
“You should exercise.”
“You should be more like this, less like that.”

We get “should on” all the time, often by well-meaning people who don’t realize they’re placing their story on us.

Of course, life needs rules, agreements, and shared structures. But should carries a particular energy. Should rarely asks questions. Should isn’t curious….it doesn’t think it has much to learn—because should already knows it’s right.'

Dismantling our rules doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a process of asking if we need this one, or that one. Is it really helping us be happy in ourselves and in our relationships with others?

06/12/2025

What every young person needs to hear...

Subscribe to my newsletter: https://danielpink.substack.com/In this video I share 5 pieces of advice that we've all heard... but have the potential to ruin y...

01/12/2025

We can be strong, and still benefit from support.

10/11/2025

How healthy do you feel?

If you feel unhealthy most days, why is that? What's going on for you?

It can be difficult to know ourselves, if we have layers of self criticism, lots of explanations, lots of history we carry on our shoulders.

We can avoid some hard truths...we add layers of complexity that cover up our reality, like a cake that is beautifully decorated. We can fixate on the icing, the embellishments, and overlook our reality.

If you are feeling exhausted by seemingly wasted efforts to become healthier, you may be weighing yourself down by too much complexity. There's a lot of information out there. Lots of options. Everyone has advice. With so much noise about becoming healthier, it's hard to think straight.

All you know is that you are cut off from the better version of yourself.

Have you tried to become healthier....to eat better, to exercise, or stop an unhealthy habit like smoking...only to find your efforts fail you?

You may make detailed plans only to find yourself back where you were. Still feeling unhealthy. Or you ping-pong between times you feel healthy and times you feel unhealthy.

Do you know how common this is? We've overcomplicated our lives.

If this is a time to reset, I respectfully suggest giving up all the baggage, all the detailed changes, all the explanations.

What one or two things would make a difference to feeling healthy?

Yes, you may have many aspirations. But, putting aside for the time being all that you want to do, would do in a perfect world, what is not helping?

Gaining clarity on this is the perfect starting point to becoming a healthier version of yourself.

Focusing on one or two things ONLY will free you from being bogged down in trying to do too much at the same time.

You may be stuck by having too many 'shoulds' and 'musts' in your life. Are you willing to give yourself some freedom?

By letting go of all that you might do, and just holding in your mind's eye the one thing you can do something about, you are ready to be healthier.

Let go of all the various strategies that are 'over-egging' the omelette. Just get clear on the one or two things you know will make a difference, and you will clear the way to make a change for the better.

20/10/2025

Being Discerning

AI surprises us every day. It is a wonderful tool for accessing information about mental health and wellness. It can give us many useful ideas for coping with today and planning our future. We are only beginning to discover what is possible with AI.

The thing is AI has no heart (although it may be designed to suggest it does). Let's remember this.

We are not designed to live an isolated life. We need others emotionally. When we are healthy, our hearts do connect and support each other.

When we face times of change, and challenges in life, we also need to be truly seen and heard for who we are at our essence. It is better if we have a real person nearby. A warm, caring person who helps us make sense of our complicated experiences.

AI can't do this. Despite everything it has potential to do.

Can we learn to discern in our new world? We need human contact and support that is different from information and recommendations.

The heart will tell us this at 4am.

19/09/2025

Is your life changing? At times of voluntary or involuntary change, it can really help to have a caring professional to support you. Counselling is a sign of health and resilience, not weakness.

I endeavour to provide a gentle, clear, compassionate approach that meets you where you're at, and respects your needs and best hopes. I am a mature age counsellor who will not judge nor share any information. Sometimes all we need is to speak aloud what is in us.

I draw upon acceptance and commitment therapy, internal family systems and solution focused brief therapy to help you build greater meaning, connection, and fulfilment in times of stress and change.

In-person, telephone, and online sessions available. No obligation for number of sessions. Please see www.kymmaddencounsellingandcoaching.com for more information, or contact me on 0438 357 772

16/09/2025

Thoughts from a local counsellor ....

Too much of a good thing? An antidote for you to consider

We have come to rely on our minds for getting through our days, organising ourselves and our families, assessing how we are doing, fixing things that go wrong, and planning our future.

Our minds are indeed wonderful in so many ways.

However, problems will often come from how we are thinking about ourselves, a relationship, or a situation. How we are looking at something makes a significant difference to what we experience. Yet changing this lens can seem impossible.

Also, we can restlessly turn over things in our mind. Trying to figure out what's happened and what the best solution might be. Many of us have all seen firsthand how our minds can entrap us.

What can we do when we are struggling? One antidote I put to you is this: see if you can find your heart in all of this.

The first step is to shift from your mind to your body. Notice what discomfort or pains you have, and where you feel it most. Are you carrying stress or tension in your muscles? if yes, which part is feeling it the most? If you scan your body, what do you notice? Can you acknowledge these sensations and feelings for just a moment or two? Just notice them there and let them have a little space so that they can move through you when they are ready to do so. By resisting them, we are locking them into our bodies.

The second step is to gently turn your attention inwards to your heart area. What emotions are you feeling right now? If you can, name each as you notice that feeling. Sadness, fear, anger, frustration. Whatever is there is your heart, notice it.

The last step is to ask your heart what heart quality will help you at this moment. Our hearts have natural qualities that support us.... qualities that connect us with our spirits and most essential self. For example, trust is a heart quality.... trust in yourself, in people, in situations, in the way life is unfolding. There are many pure heart qualities: love, compassion, hope, gratitude, forgiveness, openness, and respect. They come without conditions, when from the heart. It is only the mind that adds conditions or limitations to them.

This is a time to be gentle with yourself, to ask open questions. What heart quality do you need right now? What is in low supply? What would support you in this present moment if you opened more fully to it? Again, name it and allow it, to the extent you can.

Invite clarity, be willing for it, but set it aside. It will come when you are ready. There is no need to hunt for how to make it happen. Opportunities will arise. Simply return to your tasks.

When you sit in your heart space like this, you are opening to more of you. You are honouring the whole self. This will support you.

I hope this suggestion might work for you when you are caught in life's many challenges.

Please know that I offer a friendly shoulder if you'd like a counselling session for whatever reason. More about this at www.kymmaddencounsellingandcoaching.com

Illustrator unknown: credit to the creator and a thank you.

12/09/2025

Not old and not young. How fortunate to have this gap in life. A place of gratitude and opportunity. Meryl Streep puts it like this...