Ali's Counselling Services

12/08/2025

24/07/2025

Fight, Flight, or Fawn – What Does It Mean?

Ever heard of “fight or flight”? It’s part of our body’s natural stress response. When we feel unsafe—physically or emotionally—our brain quickly decides how to protect us.

Here’s what that can look like:

🧠 Fight – You get angry, argue, or feel the urge to defend yourself.
🏃‍♀️ Flight – You avoid, shut down, or want to run away from the situation.
🤝 Fawn – You people-please, say yes when you mean no, or try to keep others happy to avoid conflict.

We all react differently depending on our past experiences—especially if we’ve lived through trauma or high stress.

✨ Why does it happen?
It’s your nervous system trying to keep you safe. It’s not about weakness—it’s about survival.

🧘‍♀️ How does it affect us?
If we’re stuck in these patterns too often, it can lead to burnout, anxiety, or relationship issues.

🌱 The good news?
With support and awareness, you can learn to recognise your responses and gently start to heal.

You’re not broken. Your body is just trying to protect you the best way it knows how 💛

11/07/2025

Really useful information around staying calm when your child isn’t

27/06/2025

🌿 Recognising Abuse Isn’t Always Straightforward

Not all abusers fit the stereotype. Many people who cause harm in relationships—emotionally, physically, or psychologically—can appear kind, charming, and attentive to the outside world. This contrast can leave victims confused, doubting themselves, and feeling isolated.

Abuse doesn’t always show up in bruises. It can sound like constant criticism, feel like walking on eggshells, or look like manipulation disguised as love.

If something feels “off” in your relationship—even if you can’t explain it—it’s okay to trust that feeling. You are not alone, and support is available.

💬 If you or someone you know is navigating this kind of dynamic, gentle, confidential help is here when you’re ready.

— Ali’s Counselling Services

06/06/2025

It’s always so encouraging to receive messages from my clients after their sessions

31/05/2025

“Why do I feel like I don’t know what’s going on in my own body sometimes?”

Interoception is your brain’s ability to notice and make sense of what’s going on inside your body — things like hunger, needing the loo, feeling hot or cold, or even noticing your heart racing when you’re anxious. Basically, it’s your internal body awareness.

But for some people — especially those who are neurodivergent or who have experienced trauma — interoception can be really disrupted.

You might:
Not realise you’re hungry or full until it’s extreme

Miss early signs of needing a break or rest

Struggle to notice when you’re getting anxious or overwhelmed until you’re already in shutdown or meltdown

Find it hard to name emotions because you can’t feel what’s happening in your body clearly

This can lead to all sorts of challenges – from emotional dysregulation to difficulty communicating your needs, or feeling “disconnected” from your own body.

The good news? Interoception is something we can build awareness of, slowly and gently. Things like mindfulness, breath work, body scans, and therapeutic support can help you reconnect with those internal signals in a way that feels safe and manageable.

23/05/2025

When someone has an avoidant attachment style…

Had a chat with a client recently about their relationship, and something they said really stuck with me. They were trying to make sense of why their partner sometimes tells little lies in tricky conversations—especially when things feel a bit intense or emotionally loaded.

They said, “It’s like when they look at me, they’re not just seeing me. It’s like all the people from their childhood are standing behind me.”

That gave me chills. Because what they’re describing is a trauma response—rooted in early attachment wounds. For someone with an avoidant attachment style, vulnerability can feel like a trap. Being honest—especially if it might lead to conflict—can feel dangerous. So they avoid it, often without even realising they’re doing it.

When your nervous system has learned that love equals unpredictability or fear, self-protection becomes second nature. That might look like shutting down, avoiding emotional intimacy, or even stretching the truth to keep the peace.

Attachment styles aren’t life sentences—they’re patterns. And the beautiful thing is, with awareness and support, patterns can shift.

If this resonates with you (or someone you love), you’re not alone. It’s worth exploring with curiosity and compassion.

16/05/2025

A lovely review left on my website from a client

06/05/2025

Parentification

Through the years I have spoken to so many clients that have experienced this during their childhood

Ever felt like you were more of a parent than a child growing up? Like you had to be the emotional support, the peacekeeper, or even the responsible one while your parent leaned on you?

That’s called parentification – and it’s more common than you might think.

It’s when a child is placed in a role that’s beyond their years, often taking care of a parent emotionally, physically, or both. You might have been the listener to your mum’s worries, the one who kept the family functioning, or the ‘grown-up’ in the room far too early.

And here’s the thing – it doesn’t just disappear when you grow up.

As adults, many people who experienced parentification struggle in relationships. You might:
• Overfunction at work or in your relationship (always the fixer, the organiser, the ‘responsible’ one)
• Find it hard to ask for help or show vulnerability (because you had to keep it together for everyone else)
• Feel resentful or burnt out without knowing why
• Constantly put other people’s needs before your own
• Still feel responsible for your parent, even now

It can also be incredibly confusing trying to manage a relationship with the parent who placed you in that role – especially if they still rely on you in ways that don’t feel fair or balanced.

Parentification isn’t about blame – it’s about awareness. When we understand the roles we were given (and didn’t choose), we can start to shift them. We can learn to connect in healthier ways, set boundaries, and allow ourselves the care and support we may have missed out on.

Does any of this sound familiar to you?
Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments, or reach out privately in a message this me.

17/04/2025

“No one’s ever asked me that before...”

A young client once shared that she’d never been asked what she enjoyed or what made her feel happy. After surviving significant childhood trauma, much of her life had been spent looking after others—especially the parent who caused her the most harm.

When I gently asked what she likes to do for enjoyment, what made her happy, what self care does she practice, she paused, and stated she could not answer me. The question felt unfamiliar. A week later, she returned and told me how that moment had shifted something inside her. For the first time, she gave herself permission to reflect on her own needs, joy, and wellbeing.

She said, “Even if that’s the only thing I take away from counselling, it’s enough.”

Sometimes, it starts with one question. One conversation. One moment of realising that it’s okay to choose yourself. 💛

28/03/2025

Today, I had a great chat with one of my lovely clients about what she feels she gets out of counselling. She shared that it’s about having a safe space with someone she trusts—somewhere she can voice the thoughts that have been building up in her mind, often repeating and getting stuck.

She mentioned how helpful it is to have a professional sounding board, especially when she’s already talked things through with her partner, family, and friends as much as she can. Using talk therapy to lay out and rationalise those internalised thoughts gives her a sense of clarity and leaves her feeling lighter when she walks out the door.

It was a wonderful reminder of how powerful it can be to just have that space to share and process.”