24/09/2024
Confession time !
I am frustrated π€
It's been over 10 years that I dream of having a succesful online business to give me freedom to travel and time to create music and art.
And I dream of an online business also because it would allow me to reach out to the special souls, the fringe dwellers, the weirdos, the highly sensitive, the creatives that are spread all over the globe. Because my medicine is particular and I am not for the everyday normal person who's satisfied with what society proposes us. But deep down, really, who is ? And don't we all want a home, meaning and loving connections ?
So ! 10 years that I struggle ! Held back by execcutive dysfunction, fear, overwhelm, perfectionism, procrastination and people-pleasing. Oh and language. I am always torn. Should I do it in french or english, french or english, french or english, french or english... its crazy frustrating and really feeds my half-committed attitude.
Le cul entre 2 chaises. Its a french expression literally saying that your ass is sitting between 2 chairs. I have become a master of that position and let me tell you, it's not comfortable.
I have invested over 10 000 in courses, coaching, ect. Some were so wishi washi... At least I haven't invested more.
The online coaching world seem like a giant mlm system sometimes. It seems normal to invest 3 times more than I have and then you're probably in debt and that can create some very unhealthy dynamic and a lot of stress !!!
Anyhow I disgress
I am still figuring out the executive dysfunction part. Have you heard of focus mate? It's great ( I used it only 3 times though haha ) you get to parallel work with someone online which certainly tricks your brain to stay on track for an hour. Video is on !!
And this ladies and gents and all the inbetween, has made me quite an expert I guess in procrastination ! Perfectionism ( the amount of unpublished gold I sit on... it could be a mountain even ! Lol) and people-pleasing β although I have been working on the fawning reaction for a while now and performing live in front of an audience has really helped me thaw out a lot of the constriction and shame...
Do you also have a heart dream project that has not yet been succesful because of similar reasons ?