20/03/2024
You’re getting a different mother to the one she had.
I’m seasoned and weary,
stretched and tired in a way that leaks to my bones and floods them like marrow.
I’m hardened
from the comments, the words of others and the words that cut deep…I’ve heard them before. I’m quicker to respond now, less tolerant of the noise.
I’m torn now too
not new to motherhood but new to motherhood of two, a divide like I’ve never known, a desperate desire to be split into two, with the ability only to be one. It’s a learning, and a shift, in the mother I thought I was, such is the nature of motherhood, I guess…so constantly evolving.
So…You’re getting a different mother to the one she had.
But I also worry less
About your sleep
the thoughts of others,
the expectations.
I focus more on what is needed of me, who needs me, triage with tenderness. It’s a strength I’ve never known before. I’m proud of myself for that.
I have a threshold now, a level, set in stone, a line that, when crossed, releases a lioness, more confident now than ever before in how best to shield you, show up for you, show you what it is in life that you truly deserve.
And I know how fast it goes now. The long nights feel less long, and the hard days, though still hard, sit differently. A knowing, from experience, that the hard ebbs and flows, shape shifting with the ages, ever constant but ever changing – seasonal, as they told me.
So, you’re getting a different mother, in many ways, it’s true
But my darling, in one way, the mother you share is the same
Because everything I do, I do for you
Just as I did for my baby before
And though I may be different, the way in which I love you
How deeply I love you
That, my darling, oh that
Is the one thing that will forever be the same.
Words: Jess Driscoll (exert from “By Light of Moon and Son”
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