08/03/2017
"A Sensible S*xpo"
What were you doing on Friday 24 February 2017? I went to S*xed Up, Disability S*xuality Expo, organised by Victoria Chipperfield from Stabilise. But a little more about that in a minute.
I had enrolled and purchased a stand on the advice of my Case Manager Simon Trewarne at the Melbourne City Mission, who had suggested it might be a good place to promote my new dating app myblinddate. As the name suggests, this dating app is geared toward people with low vision and more broadly to the disability sector. The name came about from a Vision Australia Quality Living Group. At one of our meetings someone quipped about leaving the lights off, allowing the reposts of lets go on a blind date! Couldn’t resist it – I had to make the app!
Anyway, in anticipation of attending S*xed Up I ventured into an S*M s*x shop on Brunswick Street. This tells much about my hitherto sheltered life. It was daylight outside and midnight inside. After what felt like 10 minutes but was probably two, I re-joined the regular citizens on the street and headed off to my lunch appointment, with just enough walking steps in between to process the images of plastic pen*ses and belts and buckles, shiny and matt rubber, that were floating in my mind.
A few days before the S*xpo I went up to the local library to photocopy 120 colour flyers promoting myblinddate. Being a large order I enlisted the help of an aged librarian who promptly treated me like I had leprosy once she realised the content. What new frontier was I crossing?
As Friday came around I set off for the Darebin Arts Centre at 8am with a small backpack of flyers, tablecloth, lap top, bowl and a big bag of jelly beans for public distribution, a gift from my darling wife. So far so good.
During the next few hours I learnt just how nice and caring these people are. The main foyer area was staffed by a wide range of community organisations and at 10am the day’s proceedings were opened by MP Fiona Patten from the S*x Party. There were over 150 people at the conference, which had two main streams. One was generally focused on policy and the other on daily life issues. In between conference sessions participants came out to talk to people like the Equal Opportunity Commission to check out what’s on offer.
And the s*x toys I had worried about? They were in an adjacent room neatly displayed, threatening no one, including lily-white old me!
During the day people enjoyed food and drinks in a dining area and many, many people got to know each other more. And finally, I got to know myself a little more too, casting aside silly concerns and doing my best to get feedback on myblinddate.
The entire expo was organised by an outstanding team of people headed by Victoria Chipperfield. Their work in bringing this landmark event is to be applauded and cheered to the roof tops. It was a demonstration of exemplary policy in action, creating real benefits for all.
The take outs of the day were many. Some were that disabled people have a right to intimacy, engaging in s*x is healthy and can offset depression, s*x aids can be a good part of it all, and being disabled does not mean you need to be shamed into celibacy.
Another useful tip that may apply to everyone, disabled or not, is to meet in a public place for lunch if you do not know the person you are interested in meeting. A public place at lunchtime is less hazardous than evening drinks at a bar, for example, with its connotations for later that night. Other bits of reality I heard more than once on the day were to do with telling a friend where you are going and possibly taking a chaperone.
There are many dangers in the world but one of the worst is experiencing prejudice. If you are disabled you are likely to experience extremes at both ends of the spectrum. Some people will be afraid of you and others may laugh at you. The great value of this inaugural event, which should go down as one of Australia’s significant contemporary social healing events, is that we all share the same emotions and we all have a right to own them through s*x.
Joe Pascoe
Website: myblinddate.online http://myblinddate.online/
Apple Store: myblinddate
Google Play Store: myblinddate.gowebbi
Inquiries: joepascoe22@gmail.com
Joe has macular degeneration and acknowledges the support of the NDIS and Shannon from Melbourne City Mission.
3/3/2017
