Naomi Counselling

28/03/2025

Research by the Gottman Institute reveals an essential truth: most people involved in conflict don’t have malicious intentions. Instead, everyone simply wants to be understood. Recognizing this shift in mindset can make a huge difference, especially when emotions start to escalate. If we can remember this — even when only one partner is trying to slow things down — we’re less likely to blurt out hurtful comments that can damage the relationship and pull us further away from resolving the true issue at hand.

Mindfulness, regular meditation, and breathing exercises during moments of tension can help couples build a healthier way of handling conflict. By staying grounded in the present moment, we create the space to listen, understand, and respond more thoughtfully, leading to more productive and compassionate conversations.

27/03/2025

10/02/2025

Hugging for more than four seconds can be a very intimate experience, and it doesn’t have to be s*xual. For couples whose intimacy has waned, this can be a highly beneficial tool.

In the book Passionate Marriage by Dr. David Schnarch, he suggests that the way people hug can reflect how they live their lives. Some can hug freely for a long time, while others need to let go after a very short time.

When using the “hugging till relaxed” technique as a tool to enhance intimacy, the goal is for both partners to feel relaxed in each other’s arms. Partner A, who feels the need to let go, should focus on calming themselves during the embrace and try to hold on a little longer. At the same time, Partner B should focus on themselves too, rather than attempting to soothe their partner and should be willing to let go as soon as Partner A needs to be released. This approach gives Partner A the confidence to stay longer than they otherwise would, increasing the chances of them relaxing into the hug and perhaps even enjoying it.

The best thing one can do to help Partner A relax is to put their arms around them, hold onto themselves, and quiet themselves down giving them someone to hold who is already calm.

29/01/2025

Connection is one of the most important keys to a happy life.
Whether hanging out with friends, alone, or as a couple, having a third place can offer solace from loneliness, boredom, or isolation — and provide a place to escape without being alone.
Having a familiar public spot where you can regularly connect with others, known or unknown, without spending a lot of money, time, or effort can be a lifesaver for some.

Lately, instead of staying home in our quiet kitchen in the middle of the bush, I’ve been hanging out at the well-known Brunswick Heads Pub, playing cards with my husband. We’re surrounded by crowds of people I don’t speak to, but knowing they’re there makes me feel alive.

04/12/2024

Moving Beyond the Automatic in Relationships:

Relationships thrive not through grand gestures but in the everyday decisions to act with intention rather than defaulting to automatic reactions like snapping, withdrawing, or shutting down. These reactive behaviors, while self-protective, keep us stuck in unproductive patterns.

True growth happens in moments of tension when we pause and choose a different path. Small shifts can transform relationships. Instead of snapping, try sharing feelings calmly. Instead of withdrawing, express a desire to work through the conflict. These intentional choices foster trust, intimacy, and maturity.

Steps to Shift from Automatic to Intentional

Pause and breathe.
Identify your trigger.
Reflect on what will build connection.
Practice empathy.
Extend grace.

Moving beyond the automatic requires continuous effort but brings profound rewards: stronger, more connected, and fulfilling relationships. By choosing differently, we create space for deeper, healthier bonds.

13/11/2024

Inspired by Doctors John and Julie Gottman from the seven principles of Making Marriage Work

09/10/2024

It's arrived! It's great and I am so excited. Thank you Tameka from 'Happy Little Socials' and Daniella from 'Naughty Nancy' for your expertise and excellent taste in graphics and style.

30/09/2024

I’m so excited for my new website to go live any day now.
I’ll keep you posted .

07/08/2024

How to maintain a strong s*xual connection in long-term relationships?

Many of my couples wonder about their level of intimacy,
S*x educator and researcher, Dr Emily Nagoski's insights on maintaining a strong s*xual connection in long-term relationships emphasise several key characteristics and principles that go beyond the act of s*x itself: Take a listen to the podcast, and if you don't have time for that, below are some points that stood out to me:

Characteristics of Couples with Strong S*xual Connections:

1. Good Relationship Foundation: Couples are friends who admire and trust each other, forming a solid relationship foundation.

2. Prioritise S*x: Couples make a conscious decision to prioritise their s*xual relationship, understanding its importance in their lives.

3. Resilience and Reconnection: Couples find ways to reconnect after periods of disconnection because maintaining the s*xual connection is important to them.

4. Embracing Personal and Mutual S*xual Experiences: Couples set aside societal norms and expectations about s*xual identity and long-term relationships and co-create their own context which is applicable to them.

S*xual satisfaction is based on whether or not you enjoy the s*x you are having, not on frequency, duration, location, positions, or the openness of the relationship.

The most impactful s*x advice relates to what happens outside the bedroom in everyday life.
Building a strong relationship foundation and maintaining emotional connection are key to sustaining a fulfilling s*xual relationship.

As a s*x educator, Emily Nagoski is often asked: How do couples sustain a strong s*xual connection over the long term? In this funny, insightful talk, she shares her answer -- drawing on (somewhat surprising) research to reveal why some couples stop having s*x while others keep up a connection for a...