15/10/2025
The day she died the colours drained from inside me, the lights turn off.
I became monochrome, one dimensional. Still here but functioning on factory settings, autopilot.
Looking into a shell of a person I no longer know because i no longer know anything. No longer feel or care. There is no drive, no desire, no life inside me.
Its not about my survival anymore, no thrive.
Trapped in a world I no longer belong to.
She left, and I’m still here faced with choices. I know my body is useless because i am no longer in control.. an old, beat up rust bucket driving too slow on the freeway. Destination unknown.
If I stop now, I may completely fall apart.. which I can’t. Not yet, as I’m pulling passengers behind me for the ride. Deep inside the control centre sits a shattered soul. Knowing that things are the way they are meant to be. There is no changing or going back.. this is the road I was always meant to take. But there is no manual, no guidelines.
If I squint my eyes, and relax my brain, from time to time I see glimmers of light in the distance. Perhaps it’s wishful thinking in the dark. A mirage of hope on a long, lonely road. Perhaps it’s more of the nothing coming towards me to swallow me whole. But that’s where I’m heading because I have to keep moving. Shattered, barely holding the pieces together.
Same, same but so very different, forever lost without her. My Olivia ❤️🩹
Like all things personal, I don’t share for pity, sympathy or accolades. I share because a wise woman said to me, that in sharing our adversity we open the opportunity to reach the hearts of those travelling the same road. Alone but somehow less lonely when we feel seen.. connected. To all my mamas with broken hearts. I see you xx
