Yvonne Flanders Counsellor and Personal Coach

25/02/2025

Building resilience isn’t pretty. It’s messy, hard, and it relies on learning how to tolerate frustration.

Frustration tolerance is one of life’s most essential skills. The more we can tolerate frustration, the more we can learn, the more we can struggle, the more we can take on challenges, the more we can bounce back from failure.

I talk to parents from all around the globe and they all want the same thing for their kids - they want their kids to be gritty and to take on challenges and to not give up when things get hard! And what I want parents to know that kids aren’t inherently born with the ability to do any of these things - but they can learn the skill that enables them to do all of them.

That skill? Frustration tolerance.

And if you’re thinking about how hard it is for us, as adults, to tolerate frustration… I’m right there with you. It’s more natural to look for a quick exit from our distress or a quick rescue from our struggle or a quick “quit” around our latest challenge.

Here’s the good news: we can learn, frustration tolerance skills too! It’s never too late.

16/02/2025

15/04/2024

“You’ll stop worrying what people think about you when you realize how seldom they do.”
​
– David Foster Wallace

01/04/2024

More words of wisdom from James Clear:
"I split problems into two groups: muddy puddles and leaky ceilings.
Some problems are like muddy puddles. The way to clear a muddy puddle is to leave it alone. The more you mess with it, the muddier it becomes. Many of the problems I dream up when I'm overthinking or worrying or ruminating fall into this category. Is life really falling apart or am I just in a sour mood? Is this as hard as I'm making it or do I just need to go workout? Drink some water. Go for a walk. Get some sleep. Go do something else and give the puddle time to turn clear.

Other problems are like a leaky ceiling. Ignore a small leak and it will always widen. Relationship tension that goes unaddressed. Overspending that becomes a habit. One missed workout drifting into months of inactivity. Some problems multiply when left unattended. You need to intervene now.

Are you dealing with a leak or a puddle?"

21/03/2024

Love this from James Clear

"Some people get addicted to chain-smoking their problems. They spend all day going from sorrow to sorrow. It doesn't have to be that way. You can live each day going from joy to joy—like a sunflower that turns to face the sun as it moves across the sky. It's not about having a problem-free life, but about focusing on the light. Sunflowers still have shadows, but they are always behind them."

19/12/2022

A beautiful reminder .....

It occurred to Pooh and Piglet that they hadn't heard from Eeyore for several days, so they put on their hats and coats and trotted across the Hundred Acre Wood to Eeyore's stick house. Inside the house was Eeyore.

"Hello Eeyore," said Pooh.

"Hello Pooh. Hello Piglet," said Eeyore, in a Glum Sounding Voice.

"We just thought we'd check in on you," said Piglet, "because we hadn't heard from you, and so we wanted to know if you were okay."

Eeyore was silent for a moment. "Am I okay?" he asked, eventually. "Well, I don't know, to be honest. Are any of us really okay? That's what I ask myself. All I can tell you, Pooh and Piglet, is that right now I feel really rather Sad, and Alone, and Not Much Fun To Be Around At All. Which is why I haven't bothered you. Because you wouldn't want to waste your time hanging out with someone who is Sad, and Alone, and Not Much Fun To Be Around At All, would you now."

Pooh looked and Piglet, and Piglet looked at Pooh, and they both sat down, one on either side of Eeyore in his stick house.

Eeyore looked at them in surprise. "What are you doing?"

"We're sitting here with you," said Pooh, "because we are your friends. And true friends don't care if someone is feeling Sad, or Alone, or Not Much Fun To Be Around At All. True friends are there for you anyway. And so here we are."

"Oh," said Eeyore. "Oh." And the three of them sat there in silence, and while Pooh and Piglet said nothing at all; somehow, almost imperceptibly, Eeyore started to feel a very tiny little bit better.

Because Pooh and Piglet were There. No more; no less.
A.A.Milne
E.H.Shepard

Credit: I Know, I Need To Stop Talking

19/10/2022

19/10/2022

Most of us now feel time poor, I love this post reminder
https://ryanholiday.net/if-you-try-to-do-everything-you-wont-do-anything/

In 1956 Harry Belafonte placed a call to Coretta Scott King. With her husband arrested once again, he wanted to check in with her and see how she was doing and what the movement might need. Except they could barely carry on a conversation, because Coretta kept being pulled away from the phone to att...

16/02/2022

"No act of kindness however small is ever wasted. "Random Acts of Kindness Day 17 February

26/01/2022

I love Seth Godin and his clarity and honesty. He says it like it is. This blog really speaks to me.... and I think all of us as we do get caught up in our "scripts". Know that you can change this. Start with one small step at a time

Do you have a script? Most of us do. Here’s a new piece of software. Do you immediately read the manual front to back? Dive in and see how it works? Tense up in fear and distaste? She’s…