27/11/2020
Shame is not an entity out there in the world containing substance and definition. No, it lurks within the shadows of our being - in our mind, in our heart, in our veins, in our body. And from there, it binds us. What a fearsome foe, forged through trauma, emotional invalidation, aggression, violation, neglect and abandonment. Once planted, it grows, nurtures us, gives rise to our habits and defenses, and shapes our identity and sense of self. What a struggle, the likes of which are unmatched!
What is the key to transforming shame? The key is knowing that this monstrous feeling is no more powerful than the ongoing power that we grant it! Lacking true substance and validity, we can learn, with support, to look this inner monster in the eyes and see it for what it really is - our internal programming, the product of emotional trauma. A monster that, beneath its outer veneer, is itself hurting and scared, yearning for acceptance and belonging. Like a lost, frightened and malnourished dog that growls at its rescuer.
We can cut the bonds of shame by learning to let go of re-enacting, through self-treatment, how we ourselves were previously treated. We can make a decision to treat ourselves with kindness, not because we feel that we are deserving of such, but as an attitudinal choice, the same way we may choose to treat another with compassion. We can seek out supporting people to provide validation and unconditional acceptance, and in doing so, learn how to re-parent ourselves.
A journey, yes! An easy journey, no! A rewarding journey, like none other! Best of luck, soul warrior!
