06/12/2025
"What did you learn about yourself from your last relationship?" This is a key question asked of contestants on Chinese dating show "If you are the one." That is a great show to watch as a bunch of adults under 30 on the show often show more insight in answering this question than some gen X folks I have met in my time.
It's a very good question to ask and observe the answer. The answer will show what level of self reflection and critical self reflection they have taken the time to do. Is their answer all about the "wrongs and failings of their ex, or exes?" Is there personal accountability for their part? Or, is there personal growth, and lessons learned and in the end, accepted well? Are there controlling behaviours, and anger about loss of control over the other person that you can detect in their answer? Or, are they very respectful of the other person?
For example, are all his exes crazy, according to him? If he says that, were they sent into mental or emotional distress by him? When men specifically tell me about their crazy exes, I have asked them if she was unwell before, during or as a result of spending significant periods of time with him. Of course, you have to consider your personal safety when having that kind of conversation, but it's a very revealing conversation to have together, listening to his responses could help you decide that he's the one... or could save you years of ubhappiness by leaving or turning off you light ( on the show ) quickly in response.
Walk away at that first red flag.
Lots of love
πππππ
Jacquelene