06/10/2025
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You’ve probably heard about the ‘mental load’ but by now, it’s likely you’ve also had some direct experience with it, too.
Whether you’re preparing to return to work and getting ready to manage the juggle, or you’re staying home for the next little while, it’s important to be mindful of the toll it can take and how to cope.
The mental load is the unseen cognitive and emotional weight of managing a household, beyond the physical chores of cooking and cleaning and child raising. It’s the remembering, the worrying, the planning, the anticipating, the arranging, and the coordinating.
It’s knowing you need to buy milk on the way back from the park, making sure there are enough nappies and keeping track of medical appointments. It’s both cognitive labour and emotional labour.
While more men are doing their fair share of parenting, carrying the weight of the mental load remains uneven. In fact, research shows the mental load is only shared in one in five households. It’s more commonly shared in same-sex and gender-diverse couples.
There are many reasons why the mental load remains unevenly distributed. Often, we do it because our mothers did. Not to mention the fact that there are consequences if we don’t.
Another reason women tend to carry the weight of the mental load is because unfortunately it’s tied into the idea of being a ‘good mother’.
A ‘good mother’ takes on the emotional and cognitive labour associated with raising a family. A ‘good mother’ constantly researches. A ‘good mother’ plans. A ‘good mother’ thinks ahead and anticipates needs.
Whatever you call it - mental work, cognitive labor, the thinking work, the invisible load, household management, domestic engineering, maternal thinking - the impacts of the mental load on mothers are widespread, leading to mental ill-health, relationship tension and exhaustion.
One tip: Give yourself permission to be imperfect, to have an imperfect home, and to raise imperfect children. This also means extending the same kindness and self-compassion to others.
For more tips on how to cope with the mental load, sign up to our weekly Ready to COPE guide.
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