Dr Claire Mayers

21/04/2026

19/04/2026

https://theconversation.com/audhd-means-being-autistic-and-having-adhd-and-it-can-look-very-different-to-a-single-diagnosis-278095?fbclid=IwZnRzaARSQWhleHRuA2FlbQIxMQBzcnRjBmFwcF9pZAo2NjI4NTY4Mzc5AAEeSwrmuy9KFdugVSQYqRiDKOuYeoasv3xRD8tmfjfSyymqNNLAPTBV8tKRTYY_aem_BN-Ny6xySmX4F6G6q2mqzQ

People with AuDHD often find their traits and experiences don’t neatly fit into either category – and they can find themselves pulled in different directions.

19/04/2026

What gets labeled as just anxiety: ⁠
⁠
⁠
*Narcissistic parent.⁠
⁠
*Never cherished/forgotten.⁠
⁠
*Family secrets.⁠
⁠
*Crossed boundaries.⁠
⁠
*Perpetrating stepparent.⁠
⁠
*Shut-down parent.⁠
⁠
*Trying to make the impossible work.⁠
⁠
*Family strife, chaos, and violence.⁠
⁠
*Having to raise oneself.⁠
⁠
*Getting it perfect for love.⁠
⁠
*Adults with volatile emotions.⁠
⁠
⁠
Yes, we can undoubtedly have genetic or organic reasons for anxiety. ⁠
⁠
However, in every mental health clinical setting I've worked in, a client's anxiety was only attributed to current stressors, or their anxiety was just who they were. ⁠
⁠
There wasn't time, safety, or clinical insight to look at what happened to the person during development and beyond. ⁠
⁠
I'm not saying it's all childhood trauma, but I'm also not saying it's all present issues or someone's disposition. ⁠
⁠
What I am saying is there usually isn't a discussion to flush out: ⁠
⁠
⁠
*The mental health of the client's parents growing up. ⁠
⁠
*Exposure to off-sexual behavior or abuse. ⁠
⁠
*How the family processed emotions and leaned into them for the child's development. ⁠
⁠
*Verbal or physical violence. ⁠
⁠
*Neglect and safety. ⁠
⁠
⁠
⁠
Maybe we're anxious because mistakes had horrific consequences, and we are hypervigilant. ⁠
⁠
Maybe we are anxious because our inner child believes we have to soothe and rescue people just like we had to with our immature or depressed parent growing up. ⁠
⁠
With both clinicians and clients, I think we need to start asking, ⁠
⁠
is it really just free-floating anxiety? ⁠
⁠
What do you think?

19/04/2026

I reckon this applies across the NDs

18/04/2026

18/04/2026

"You're selfish" might be one of the toxic family's most verbatim and weaponized statements. It can also be indirectly implied. It goes straight to our core that; we are already struggling with internal shame from growing up in abuse. ⠀⁠
⠀⁠
However, there is a healthy form of selfishness. It happens when we protect:⠀⁠
⠀⁠
*our values⠀⁠
*our truth⠀⁠
*our inner child or real children⠀⁠
*our physical, emotional, and sexual safety⁠
*our choices ⠀⁠
*our heart⠀⁠
⠀⁠
In the first few years of my trauma recovery, I was labeled "selfish" to cut off my nuclear family. It was the hardest thing I ever did but the most life-changing. To stay for me would have meant not fully to recover from the family system's special rules. ⠀⁠
⠀⁠
I think there has to be some letting things fall apart. Most of us, if not all, have spent so much time trying to make it work and work with nothing. ⠀⁠
⠀⁠
So, go be "selfish."⁠
⠀⁠
You are already being misunderstood and not seen anyway. What's the difference if they bust out that label? ⠀⁠
⠀⁠
The opposite of being "selfish," according to what the toxic family system wants from you, is to be:⠀⁠
⠀⁠
*submissive⠀⁠
*scapegoated⠀⁠
*enmeshed ⠀⁠
*parentified⠀⁠
*supportive of the dysfunction⠀⁠
*loyal⠀⁠
*engaged in - victim, rescuer, perpetrator⠀⁠
⠀⁠
And most importantly, the system wants you to stay in your lane and play the role they gave you - not be who you are. There isn't any room for that in the abusive family system. ⠀⁠
⠀⁠
What do you think?

15/04/2026

Hard relate

You're trying your best, Steve...

15/04/2026