Dr Claire Mayers

26/01/2026

Phobia of barfing

24/01/2026

24/01/2026

Healing childhood trauma is a long process. ⁠
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It can start with waking up to the idea that it was abuse actually after years of not knowing what it was - to then doing difficult processing work in therapy or otherwise. ⁠
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All of it involves the mess of: navigating intimacy in all kinds of relationships, dealing with triggers that get in the way of our being present and functioning, to our ongoing deeply set stuck places. It's a mucky process for a long time until it isn't.⁠
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Underneath all that, if we dial into it as we try to make sense of our family in the context of our development, in a deep place is the anonymous feeling of not being known by an immature, abusive, or dysfunctional parent. If you feel abandoned, invisible or forgotten, that is the appropriate grief that will eventually need to be dealt with.⁠
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While healing isn't always linear, I do believe that a later stage realization is that we might still be holding onto the hope and longing for that parent to actually see us as their child and want to know what we are feeling.⁠
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That they would want to know what we do for work or if we're being treated well by our partners. They would want to know what inspires us or what we're working towards. Or simply, they would accurately know our spirit instead of seeing us as a role, or an object, or their savior or enemy.⁠
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You might also know this grief when our inner child longs for a mother-in-law, teacher, boss, or someone in authority to take interest in you, which is highly common for childhood trauma.⁠
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It's possible to get to a place where that longing passes away when we embrace knowing ourselves while helping our inner child grief that such parents aren't capable of seeing us, given how unsafe they are in distorting us.⁠
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The other side is when we truly see that parent for who they are, not their potential, which manifests in the way our inner child rightly wonders if their parent could be proud about a win or concerned for us when it's tough. ⁠
We can get that from other sources.⁠
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Have you experienced this grief? ⁠
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How does it show up for you?

21/01/2026

Interesting
https://www.instagram.com/reel/DTxyo3EjD3k/?igsh=OWIyaGZlc2k0cmZs

19/01/2026

Clap! You gotta clap!
I like this lady 😁

19/01/2026

I have just done a very typically ADHD thing of buying a notebook, hoping that THIS will be THE thing that gets me organised this year 🤣
It's from Creators Friend and i like their ads lol 😅
If you would like to join this delusion of being organised, this is a code for 10% off your order, AND they have a sale at the moment. So much money to be saved 🫠
They also have a community page on facebook, which i'm finding super helpful.

https://loox.io/z/exuITXyxqrhvh

19/01/2026

I realy struggle with this - it can be tricky to spot 😅

Healthy striving – a flexible wish to improve – accepts limits and understands that error is integral to mastery

18/01/2026

17/01/2026

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DTMDoZECYJA/?igsh=MXhnaDMya3NzaHhqaw==

17/01/2026

As children, many childhood trauma survivors were expected to perform flawlessly as adults without help, guidance, nurturing, or basic instruction.

When the child fails to perform as an adult because they're a child, they often experience emotional and physical abuse. What is usually not considered in these horrific abuse situations is that the child was already anxious about the problem and how the parent would respond. Here are some examples.

*A young child is screamed at for being late to the first day of school because they didn't know the route to walk because the parent didn't prepare them or talk about it. The first days are tough, even when a child is cared for and is safe.

*A young child is raged at and hit because they made themselves food in the kitchen because they were hungry and worried about when the parent would be home.

*A teenager is physically hit because they didn't know what to put air in the car's tires or what the symbol meant on the dashboard. They were already terrified of asking "stupid" questions.

*A teenager becomes the focus of humiliation and contempt by a parent because they don't yet understand how getting a first job works when the teen was already worried about asking them for a ride to a potential job.

As an adult now and working on your healing, remember these ideas when you are triggered by the potential or real reactions of others when it comes to not knowing something or your performance.

1) An abusive parent set you up to be anxious about basic human things in the day-to-day abuse and off expectations.

2) You're allowed to have a process of both being a beginner and learning and being human - meaning it's not possible to know everything flawlessly or not make mistakes.

3) We can shift out of shame and anxiety by reparenting our inner child about holding the abusive parent accountable.

4) We can help process our trauma by educating ourselves on basic human development. (A seven-year-old doesn't know how to get to school without help. A teen might not know how to put air in tires without instruction and where that happens...

We can say, "Look what was done to me," instead of, "I can't believe I made a mistake!".