24/07/2025
Let’s Rethink “Challenging Behaviour”
The term “challenging behaviour” is often used in ways that unfairly judge children and their parents.
This kind of judgement can lead to shame, isolation, and a deep reluctance to seek support.
But here’s what we know:
Children want to do well.
They want to feel good about themselves.
They want connection, praise, and to make the grown-ups in their lives proud.
When a child doesn’t meet behavioural expectations, it’s rarely a choice.
It’s not about defiance, it’s about skills they haven’t yet developed.
Instead of being met with understanding and support, these children are too often met with punishment and judgement.
Think about it:
A child who can’t sit still might be overwhelmed by sensory input, anxious in a crowd, or lacking the core strength to hold their body upright for long periods.
A child who lashes out might have poor interoception, making it hard to recognise and regulate emotions—or they might not yet have the expressive language skills to say how they feel.
A child who accidentally throws a ball at someone’s face might not be aggressive, they may struggle with motor coordination and feel deep embarrassment about it.
So often, what’s labelled as “challenging behaviour” is actually a response to:
👉 Unrealistic or overwhelming demands, and
👉 Gaps in skills that are still developing.
If we shift our view from blame to curiosity, from reacting to understanding, we can make a huge difference in a child’s life.
Let’s move away from judgement.
Let’s start asking: What’s this behaviour telling us? What skills are still lacking?
And more importantly: How can we help?
