Dr Aimee Maxwell, Zenith Psychology

17/12/2024

Hope is the thread we clutch when the winds howl too fiercely, a soft tether to the possibility of a kinder tomorrow. But hopelessness, its shadow twin, sits beside it, a quiet witness to the storms already come, the wreckage already wrought.

To live with both is to hold the paradox of being human. Hope whispers of renewal, of gardens yet to bloom, of small hands reaching for ours in the dark. Hopelessness, meanwhile, lays bare the truth: that some things cannot be undone, that not all stories arc toward redemption. And yet, in its starkness, hopelessness has its own kind of grace. It strips away illusion, leaving behind the raw material of what is real—what we must face, what we can bear, what we cannot.

Together, they form a tension that hums at the core of life: the yearning for more and the deep knowing that this might be all there is. Hope invites us to dream. Hopelessness grounds us in the present. Hope dares us to act as if we matter; hopelessness reminds us of the scale of what we are up against.

Living with both is like walking a tightrope in the twilight—neither fully in light nor fully in shadow. To lean too far into hope can make us brittle, unmoored from the reality of limits. To sink too deeply into hopelessness can feel like drowning, the weight of despair too heavy to lift. But to balance them is the dance!

Perhaps the art of living with hope and hopelessness is not to resolve their tension but to honour it. To let hope breathe its quiet, defiant promises while hopelessness reminds us to hold our courage close. Between the two, we learn to grieve and rejoice, to mourn and to marvel, to accept and to aspire.

And in that tenuous, trembling space, we find how it feels to be fully alive.

19/11/2024

Walking in the dual worlds of collapse awareness and delight in living is like holding two vastly different experiences in each hand, balancing them without letting either slip through your fingers. It’s a dance on the edge of paradox—one that requires an openness to what is dark and complex, alongside a reverence for what is beautiful, simple, and nourishing.

On one side, collapse awareness means staying alert to the unsettling rhythms of ecological and societal decline. It involves recognising the impacts of climate change, resource depletion, economic instability, and the breakdown of once-trusted systems. Collapse awareness is like looking out over a forest that’s slowly being overtaken by fire; you see the flames, feel the heat, and know that ignoring it will do more harm than good. It’s an awareness that brings grief, frustration, and sometimes even anger—a constant reminder of fragility and impermanence.

Yet, in the other hand, we hold delight in living. This is the joy found in the everyday, the warmth of a sunset, the scent of jasmine in the evening, seeing a roo on a dark night, a shared laugh, the magic of children’s curiosity, and the deep satisfaction of a good meal or a long conversation. Delight in living isn’t about ignoring the flames; rather, it’s about finding the moments of life that make us feel whole, connected, and alive even as we acknowledge the uncertainty of it all. It’s choosing to experience life’s fleeting pleasures without turning away from its harsher truths.

This balance requires a kind of dual vision—an ability to zoom in on life’s details, seeing the leaves in the tree, the grain in the wood, while also zooming out to recognise the broader landscape. Collapse awareness often brings a sense of urgency, making us wonder, “What must be done?” while delight in living answers, “But also, what must be cherished?” In this way, collapse awareness doesn’t diminish our capacity for joy; instead, it sharpens it. Knowing that everything could change or fall apart makes each beautiful moment more vivid, more precious.

And it requires courage—a willingness to hold space for grief and joy without forcing a resolution. Often, our instinct is to lean toward either hope or despair, as each provides a certain stability. But the real strength lies in embracing the complexity of holding both, knowing that collapse awareness and delight in living can coexist. This balance can be seen as a skill, like the practices of mindfulness or resilience; it’s something to be honed, nurtured, and trusted as we move through life.

In the end, walking in both worlds means cultivating a compassionate, almost tender relationship with life as it is, not as we wish it to be. It’s learning to live fully and fiercely in a world that is both beautiful and broken, to witness the world’s pain without being consumed by it, and to savour its beauty without being blinded by it. This dance between collapse awareness and delight is not about seeking certainty or escape; it’s about embracing a form of radical aliveness, one that honours both the shadows and the light.

28/08/2024

15 tips for managing intense ADHD emotions

Emotional regulation is a significant challenge for many individuals with ADHD. The intensity and unpredictability of emotions can often lead to frustration, misunderstandings, and strained relationships. But with the right tools and strategies, it’s possible to manage these feelings effectively and build emotional intelligence. Below are 15 actionable steps to help disarm and understand those explosive ADHD emotions.

1. Identify Triggers
• Understanding the Root: The first step in managing emotions is to identify what triggers them. Common triggers for people with ADHD might include overstimulation, rejection sensitivity, or feeling overwhelmed by tasks. Keeping a journal to track situations that lead to emotional outbursts can help in recognising patterns and addressing them before they escalate.

2. Practise Mindfulness
• Staying Present: Mindfulness practices, such as deep breathing, meditation, or grounding techniques, can help you stay connected to the present moment, making it easier to respond rather than react to emotional triggers.

3. Develop Emotional Awareness
• Label Your Emotions: Learn to name your emotions as they arise. This can create a sense of control and help you understand what you’re feeling before it becomes overwhelming. Tools like emotion wheels can be helpful in identifying and expressing complex emotions.

4. Implement a Pause Button
• Give Yourself Space: When you feel emotions building up, take a moment to pause. Count to ten, take deep breaths, or physically remove yourself from the situation if possible. This pause can prevent impulsive reactions that you might regret later.

5. Use Cognitive Behavioural Techniques
• Reframe Negative Thoughts: CBT strategies are powerful for reframing negative thoughts that can fuel emotional outbursts. Challenge cognitive distortions and replace them with more balanced, realistic thinking.

6. Build a Support System
• Lean on Others: Having trusted people you can talk to when emotions are running high can be incredibly grounding. Whether it’s a friend, family member, or therapist, sharing your feelings can help diffuse their intensity.

7. Set Boundaries
• Protect Your Emotional Energy: Boundaries are essential in managing ADHD emotions. Learning to say no, delegating tasks, or limiting time in overstimulating environments can prevent overwhelm and the emotional fallout that often follows.

8. Practise Emotional Detachment
• Separate Yourself from the Emotion: Emotional detachment isn’t about avoiding emotions but rather learning to observe them without getting swept away. Techniques like third-person self-talk or visualising emotions as passing clouds can help maintain this distance.

9. Create a Routine
• Stability Reduces Stress: A consistent daily routine can provide a sense of stability that helps manage emotions. Routines minimise the unpredictability that often triggers emotional dysregulation.

10. Engage in Regular Physical Activity
• Release Emotional Energy: Exercise is a proven way to manage ADHD symptoms, including emotional dysregulation. Physical activity releases endorphins, reduces stress, and can act as a physical outlet for pent-up emotions.

11. Ensure Proper Sleep
• Rest is Essential: Lack of sleep can exacerbate ADHD symptoms, including emotional outbursts. Establish a regular sleep routine, and consider calming activities before bed, like reading or gentle stretching, to improve sleep quality.

12. Utilise Medication (When Appropriate)
• Medication Management: For some, medication can be an essential component in managing ADHD symptoms, including emotional dysregulation. Working closely with a healthcare provider to find the right medication and dosage can make a significant difference.

13. Engage in Therapy
• Professional Support: Therapy, ACT or dialectical behaviour therapy (DBT), can provide tools and techniques for managing intense emotions. A therapist can work with you to develop strategies tailored to your specific needs.

14. Practise Self-Compassion
• Be Kind to Yourself: It’s easy to be hard on yourself after an emotional outburst. Practising self-compassion involves treating yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer a friend. This helps in reducing shame and encourages emotional growth.

15. Educate Yourself and Others
• Knowledge is Power: Understanding ADHD and how it affects emotional regulation can empower you to make informed decisions about managing your emotions. Educating those close to you can also foster better understanding and support.

Emotional regulation is a journey, especially for those with ADHD. By incorporating these strategies into your daily life, you can build emotional resilience, enhance your emotional intelligence, and thrive in all areas of your life. Remember, managing ADHD emotions is not about eliminating them but learning to navigate them with grace and self-awareness. If you need further support, don’t hesitate to seek professional guidance—diagnosis and treatment options can be life-changing.

🦄

14/10/2023

What a glorious thing democracy is! And that our Constitution is open to amendments to answer the needs of the people. We’ve had a resoundingly positive response here in JagaJaga - if all Australians were voting like our folk, Yes would romp it in 🎉

I’m roving around my electorate today, tending to 9 voting booths and 90 volunteers who’ve all given of their time and love to hand out and have chats for Yes! And the other side have been practically absent and those present are nearly 100% lovely and fair outside the booths (nearly 😖). No serious incidents so far, which is a great relief - and we know we have support from the AEC and police to ensure everyone is safe and accesses fair voting procedures.

All my appendages are crossed and my best Fair Go energy is out there - let’s make it happen Australia 🤩

21/09/2023

The emotional toll of parenting with RSD, especially when navigating the ups and downs of teens. My pro tips (Mum, and Ed Dev psych).

1. Know thyself - it's crucial to have a solid emotional regulation strategy in place for yourself, perhaps CBT specifically about what the kids ‘really’ mean, or mindfulness techniques. Make sure you know when you’re losing the capacity to be your loving adult self, and know how to down-regulate (or sometimes let go) so your kid (who is up-regulated) doesn’t ping higher off you.

2. It’s almost like every day you have to explicitly frame your parenting understanding and values you stand by. Remind yourself that your kid’s challenging behaviors are developmental phases rather than personal rejections. Even if they are personally rejecting you 🤣 it’s not about you. Really. Cognitive priming and reframing can help lessen the emotional blow.

3. Choose loving that externalising kid with the depth that you wish other people would love you when you’re unreasonable (we all are at times right). Really listen for their true unmet need, rather than just to the expert projection they deliver.

4. Very clear and explicit boundaries around unacceptable forms of disrespectful communication. This isn't a one-person show; it's a relational dynamic, kids know that and need to know where their tactics cross boundaries. Remember you can always cease a nowhere situation as soon as you realise it’s occurring - you don’t have to listen to a verbal rant from anyone.

5. Acceptance of own, and their, imperfection and inevitable mistakes. Make them, own them, collaborate to solve them. There will be times that feel s**t, and times that feel great and a whole lot of so-so in between. Sometimes your kid will hurt your feelings and then you’ll recover - you’re not supposed to be a robot-mama who never gets cut to the quick. And vice versa. What’s important isn’t really the relational rupture, but that you keep helping them develop repair skills. They’re going to be in conflict in their adult relationships (inevitably) and need to have practices of relational repair so they can build bridges to people after hard times. Barely any of us (I’m 51) got taught to do that!

6. Hold on tight to your memories of their little loving self - still in there, swamped by hormones and not-enough-knowledge and extra-risk taking now.

7. Finally, remember they have to reject you in a way to individuate. It’s part of getting too big for the family nest. Just because we made people doesn’t mean they’re necessarily going to be our mates or even people we enjoy living with 🙂 and that’s ok, because we didn’t make them for us. We made them for themselves and our job is to get them socialised and heading towards independence (and making their own people).

💖

01/01/2022

Happy New Year all, here’s a useful guide to feeling your way through 2022 and beyond.

“This Guide is about using DBT skills to help you navigate and manage strong emotions. There are four sets of skills taught in DBT:

1. core mindfulness skills help people to live more in the present moment and bring an accepting, open attitude to their experience;

2. distress tolerance skills help people to get through crisis situations without making things worse;

3. emotion regulation skills help people learn more about emotions and healthier ways of managing them;

4. and interpersonal effectiveness skills help people to be more effective in their relationships, through such things as assertive communication.”

https://psyche.co/guides/how-to-calm-your-emotions-with-dialectical-behaviour-therapy

When your emotions become too painful and overwhelming, regain control using skills from dialectical behaviour therapy

02/12/2021

As usual Rachel has words for us all.
Open up your lines of communication wherever you can with your teens, do lay that foundation ❤️

After checking in with my younger daughter, I went to my older daughter’s room. She hadn’t said much about the school shooting. I figured since it did not directly impact her life, it was not on her radar.

I could’ve not been more wrong.

“Lay with me,” my daughter said. I hadn’t heard that in a while. With arms around her, I waited quietly to see what might come.

What came was more information than even I knew about the shooting.

What came were details from a video taken by a student in one of the classrooms.

What came was a detailed plan of what she’d do in a similar situation, and how she’d contact me if she couldn’t use her phone.

What came was a conversation about listening to your instincts when something feels “off.”

What came was talk of the benefits of therapy and counseling. She said, “Everyone needs someone who will just listen to them sometimes.”

All at once, I realized both my kids, in their own unique ways, needed to talk through what they were seeing and hearing.

All at once, I realized they both had good instincts around keeping themselves safe that I could affirm and expand through recurring talks.

All at once, I realized the power in asking open-ended questions, so my kids could tell me where THEY needed more information, rather than inserting my fears and assumptions into the conversation.

All at once, I realized my kids knew the vital importance – the life-saving potential – of listening.

For adults to listen to kids
For kids to listen to each other

I thought about my current anchor, a powerful quote by David W. Augsburger: “Being heard is so close to being loved that for the average person, they are almost indistinguishable.”

I’m quite certain that those of us reunited with loved ones on Wednesday night felt the preciousness of that reunion deeply and loved especially well. But there is something that seems even more critical these days than unconditional love – and that is unconditional attention.

It is asking hard questions and leaning in…

It is turning off the TV and leaving the phone in another room…

It is lying beside them until the words come…

It is releasing judgement and holding space…

It is not assuming a person is “fine” because they don’t have much to say.

It is being available—not just in the wake of tragedy—but every day, so there’s a foundation already in place when trouble arises, and support is needed.

-Rachel Macy Stafford

This passage is from my book published in 2020, but it could have been written today. There are no words to adequately express how sorry I am that we have to keep having this conversation. To those experiencing unfathomable pain, trauma, and loss in Michigan, I am listening. My hand in yours, RMS

28/11/2021

This is a fantastic little bit on defensiveness. We mostly all do it at least a little, but some people do get a bit more stuck - if that’s you then you might like this 🙂

{Healthy communication requires listening to understand.}⁣
⁣⁣⁣
Defensiveness gets in the way of talking through disputes and coming to a reasonable resolution. ⁣⁣⁣
⁣⁣⁣
People cannot hear when they are busy formulating a response. ⁣⁣⁣
⁣⁣⁣
If you want to improve your communication, save the defensive reaction, and say" okay."⁣⁣⁣
⁣⁣⁣
Or try one of these: ⁣⁣⁣
I understand.⁣⁣⁣
What do you need from me?⁣⁣⁣
I heard you say...⁣⁣⁣
I know what you need now. Thanks for telling me. ⁣⁣⁣
Okay, give me a minute to process this. ⁣⁣⁣
⁣
Remember, you are not under attack. Also, your intentions may not be to harm someone, and they still might be harmed. ⁣
⁣⁣

27/09/2021

“Circumstances, no matter how bad, do not have to defeat us. You have the capacity to adopt more hopeful patterns of thinking in the face of adversity, and to adjust and pursue your goals, even amid hardship. If you can maintain hope in these ways, it will help you find the courage, strength and resilience to ride out the inevitable storms that life brings.”
💗

If hopelessness is learned, then it can be unlearned: how groundbreaking studies paved the way to help cultivate hope

09/09/2021

I sometimes forget that
I was created for joy
My mind is too busy
My heart is too heavy
Heavy for me to remember
that I have been
called to dance
the sacred dance for life
I was created to smile
to love
to be lifted up
and lift others up
O sacred one
Untangle my feet
from all that ensnares
Free my soul
That we might
Dance
and that our dancing
might be contagious.

Hafiz

16/07/2021

Something to think about…

28/06/2021