31/05/2026
Well here we are at another Sunday. One of the things that I have been reflecting on this week with one of my clients in mind, is just how anxious we can get when we are doing things like starting new jobs. While first days in a new job can be very stressful, so can your first day going into a university course, or putting ourselves forward in a volunteer capacity.
It's true that some people, seem to take it like water off a duck's back. They present as being full of confidence at interviews when they are procuring these positions. Then on their first day, it's no real stretch for them. They are not shy about meeting new people, have lots of things that they can say about themselves, and appear not to be fearful that the little things that haunt them and their images of themselves from past positions, are ever going to revisit them in the new workplace or setting.
For others of us however, it's a very different story. The thought of sitting down for that first "meet and greet session with other team members on Day One can literally keep you awake at night. The idea of speaking at a larger team meeting leaves you shaking, and if you've had bad experiences with previous managers in past positions? Well you might just feel sure that they are about to leap out of the shadows yelling "it's a farce! They aren't as good as they say they are!"
So how do we help ourselves in these situations? Well the first point I want to make is that while many people may have the ability to mask their feelings, most of us do feel some anxiety when we start in a new position. They might well be just better at hiding it than are you. So, if you are likely to be asked the "tell us 3 things about yourself that most people don't know" question, or the "tell us about your 3 favourite books or movies" one, when you know that these questions usually will cause you to freeze like a rabbit trapped in the headlights, you can easily prepare for them just as you did for your interview questions. What are your interests? Where would you most like to travel to? If you don't have favourite books or movies, you might have some favourite music that you like, like to do several gym classes in a week, or like to cook. So, think about what you can talk about, and accept that you don't have to be like anyone else, you just need to be you! If you don't read, it's not a crime! Another thing worth remembering? If you got the job, won your place in the degree course, or paid your money to do a local mindfulness course, remember that you are as good as the other people there. You were deemed good enough by people on an interview pannel for example, and your workplace is going to be looking forward to the skills that you bring along; they obviously thought they needed them.
The other thing for you to be aware of is that if for whatever reason you have found a previous workplace traumatic in the past, you are not alone. How often do we hear about services like Employee Assistance Programs being available to us. This is not always directed at us personally, but something which is mentioned to groups of people, and so can remind us that other people too will have brought with them elements of their past experiences which might need processing. It's natural, that if every time someone said to you in a previous position
"Could you please join me in room two because we need to talk?" and this has always led to a bad outcome, those sorts of words, or someone speaking to you in such a serious tone of voice, is going to give you that same sinking feeling in your gut that you got then, and send your mind into a spin as it tries to remember what you could be being pulled in for.
In these instances, I want to make just two points. Firstly, when it happens, you can help yourself by taking deeper breaths, and by gently reassuring yourself. Rather than becoming furious and telling yourself that you should be better able to cope with these challenges, try being kind, as you would be to a close friend who is reacting as you are now. Remind yourself that that past event has been and gone, and that that manager is not in this workplace. You have in fact started out with a clean slate, and whereas you may have made some mistakes in the past or have even experienced bullying, this is a different scenario. Also, if you are feeling crippled by anxiety, remember that there is help out there. Seeing a counsellor who can help you process those feelings won't take away the past experiences it is true, but it can help you to pack it away so that it doesn't have the same hold on you going forward.
Have a great week everyone, and remember that when we are feeling isolated and fearful, we are rarely as alone as we fear. Take care of yourselves and of each other; stay safe out there, and as always, stay connected.