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https://www.louisepearson.com.au/

Louise Pearson Counselling, 80 Mount Street, Melbourne (2026)

05/04/2026

And just like that, it would seem, we are at another Easter. The Good Friday Appeal has run for another year, the chocolate has been brought out, and if you are not enjoying yourself away on holiday somewhere, you may well have caught up with family today.

These are things that we can expect ourselves to do on this day going forward, and we all may have memories of Easters past to replay in our heads today. As I reflect however, a lot seems also to have happened in the space between last Easter and this one, which makes it memorable. If it was not bushfires or floods, it was the death of two Victorian policemen on a day in August, or the Bondi shootings which killed fifteen innocent people, and injured many more, in December. In just the last six weeks, we've had what I have heard people such as the Victorian premier referring to as "Donald Trump's War", and apart from watching the tragedy play out for people living in the Middle East, we are looking down the barrel at the possibility of fuel rationing, and our farmers not being able to get crops in.

For myself personally, we have lost three beautiful cousins since last Easter. I have farewelled a friend from my youth, and helped others celebrate the lives of people close to them. On a more positive note, I have survived to see another Easter, one which my oncologists told me in different ways and at different times, was very unlikely indeed. I have celebrated the turning of another New Year, started singing with a beautiful little local choir called The Ruby Tuesdays, and am more than halfway through my book targeted at health professionals. Today I was lucky enough to celebrate with our extended family, and been reminded of the hope that is coming in the shape of a new family member in the next few months gives me great excitement, and something to look forward to.

While there might indeed be things that have made you sad since last Easter, remembering what it is that you have survived, the milestones you have achieved, and the things that you hope for in the coming months can remind you of your own resilience. Sometimes it helps to remind yourself also of the courage that you have shown, which we seldom celebrate in ourselves.

Try to think of these things tonight, as it ends for another year. Treat yourself to your favourite chocolate. Have a great week everyone! Take care of yourselves and of each other, stay safe on the roads if you are returning from a break, and remember as always, to stay connected.

29/03/2026

Something that I have been giving a lot of thought to over the first three months of this year, is the importance that good sleep plays in our lives.

This is largely because it is something that I haven't had for much of this time. I would go to bed at night, and toss and turn until morning, feeling like when I got up, I'd had hardly any useful sleep at all. Once asleep, I would often wake, and stay awake for what felt like hours before I could get back to sleep. When I dragged myself up in the morning, I was soon noticing that my anxiety was rising about how much sleep I was actually not getting. It would mean that I was often falling asleep during the day for naps which were not refreshing, that it affected my concentration, leaving me feeling unmotivated and frustrated. Was it the cancer? Was it that my pain is increasing, or simply my lack of sleep which was leading me to feel weak and listless, I asked my doctors. They seemed uncertain. Should I try a sleeping tablet, I wondered. Would herbal supplements help, or was it just something that I would need to accept about this stage in my journey?

Well one day while in in at Peter McCallum, my friend Gail noticed a program called CanSleep, which was being run by the hospital's psychology department for anyone with cancer. Ready to sign up for anything at this point, I made the call and a short questionnaire reassured them that I was indeed a candidate for their program. It was based around Cognitive Behaviour Therapy principles and the latest research in neuroscience, and while some of it I had read before, perhaps in my desperation this time, I was prepared to really try some of their strategies.

Secondly, and hence my reason for raising this issue here, is that they recommend an app which I could download called Resleep and which you can get for your phone too, if you have have been experiencing a bout of insomnia. You can unlock all of the app's features for under $10 per week and then do their six week program, and really, the way that it explains sleep and what you need to do to get yourself back on track is very straightforward and reassuring. They suggest going to bed and rising at the same time each day for example, explaining why it is important as you lie tossing and turning to get out of bed and break that cycle, until you feel yourself becoming tired again. It comes complete with a sleep diary (which you can tweak to meet your own needs), so that if you work out that you sleep better if you have drunk more water in your day for example, you could add a question about that into your sleep diary to remind yourself to drink. It has lots of brief articles that you can read to explain things like the principles of Sleep Restriction, the roles of individual sleep stages, the need to only go to bed when you are tired, or why you need a bedtime routine which does not include your screens.

Essentially it is explaining that we need to reprogram our brains with the idea that our beds are for sleep, or for intimacy. They are not the fun-house; where sometimes we sleep, sometimes we watch TV, sometimes we eat a meal or chat on the phone. Our brains observe our behaviour. If we do all of these things there, how does it know then, that this time we want it to shut down and go to sleep? I know for some of us, space is at a premium. We may only have our bedroom as our own space. Still, we might be able to pull in a comfortable armchair from where we can do things like watching tv, reading a book or texting, therefore leaving our beds for sleep.

Slowly I have made changes over recent weeks. I often find myself using the meditations from the app Smiling Mind as a way of keeping myself away from my screens. I have stopped actively allowing myself to nap during the day, am getting up earlier and finding that I have more energy.

I raise this issue here, because when you are not sleeping, it can feel like a very lonely space to be in. People often mention to me in my counselling room that it is one of those times when outwardly they are calm, but inside they are screaming. If you are feeling like that, remember that help is out there. There are apps like the ones I have mentioned, but there is also support from a counsellor if you are feeling unable to cope. It may also help to remember the comment from one of the speakers at the group I attended, who explained that people will often have bouts of insomnia throughout their lives. This also means they have bouts of sleeping well, too. Some of these strategies might just get you back on track.

Have a great week everyone! Stay safe out there, take care of yourselves and of each other, and above all, stay connected.

22/03/2026

So, picture this! I'm sitting with someone this week, just getting to know them and what makes up the details of their life. She rents a house she told me, she works fulltime, she's studying part time so that she can change her career, and she's not yet 30. On her weekends she likes to do a mix of both outdoor activities like sport, and indoor activities like reading. In fact to me, she seemed like a very well-balanced, if quietly spoken person.

As we talked however, I noticed that she would pepper her conversation with comments like "I know I should have met the right person by now", or "I know my parents think I should have bought a house by now", or "I don't like to lean too heavily on people! I drain them emotionally!"

Well of course these comments, when they were coming thick and fast, had me feeling sad that she was not able to see the beautiful person that I was seeing in front of me. I also found myself feeling some anger as I listened. It was a very good reminder that so often the comments and throw-away lines that people give us when they are negative, stick like adhesive, and can be recalled by the person receiving that feedback for years into the future. More than that, they become a part of the narrative that this person absorbs about themselves and their lives. So often we are self-critical enough of what it is that we feel that we are getting wrong in our lives, that when people give us more of the same, often delivering it harshly in anger, it just fills in more detail of the picture that we have of ourselves. We swallow it whole, and it becomes the icing on the cake, that strengthens the image that we have of ourselves. It undermines our confidence and leaving us feeling like we are always the one who doesn't belong, the one who isn't good enough, or the one who is too much for other people to bear.

While people like parents or mentors can have the very best of intensions sometimes it is true, that when we are letting someone know something about themselves which really gets on our nerves, we need to think carefully as we do it. We need to walk a mile in their shoes. We need to give some thought to what might be the best circumstances for us to really hear what this person is wanting to tell us. Do we listen, when we are being told that we are not good enough? Think of the times when you may have received such feedback. If we are honest with ourselves, we may need to admit that when someone shouts negatives at us or has nothing positive to say, to protect ourselves from the hurt, or if the shouting makes us feel unsafe, we in fact stop listening. More than that, we may well go into defence mode, and look around for what we can say in response, either throwing back some negatives of our own, or simply going silent, sure that they are right and that their image of us is what everyone sees.

How do we help ourselves when we are on the receiving end of such feedback? Well one way might be to remind ourselves as we listen to people pulling us apart, that at all times, what we are listening too, is only an opinion. Now, if everyone in your life starts telling you something similar, I don't mean that it's not time to sit up and take notice. What I do mean though, is that it is information that you can evaluate. We might need to accept some of it, it's true; we might learn from what is being said and decide to make some changes. Alternatively, we might not. It's an opinion, and we can disagree with it.

If all we are hearing is negatives from some people, we also might need to reevaluate the place that they have in our lives. Just because someone is your parent, a sibling or a close friend does not automatically mean that they get away with what they are saying, or that because of that relationship, we need to keep them close to us. If we are being traumatised by them more than we are feeling their love, we can look for other people to be mentors than our parents. We can find new people (given time and effort), who are more like family than our blood relations ever are. Remember, if you wouldn't tolerate it from others in your life, why do you need to take it from people who are supposed to cut you some slack, or to love you for your faults and failings just as much as for your good points? Remember also, that we all have those, just as we have things to work on. Also, sometimes they are rehashing old stories about us, and don't see the ways in which we are growing. Sometimes this inability to see us for whom we are now is a lot more to do with them and the things that they need to work on, than it ever is about us.

Have a great week everyone. Remember how good it feels to get some positive feedback and so, where you can, throw some in for someone you love this week. It might just make their day. Take care out there, stay safe and as always, stay connected.

08/03/2026

Well here we are at another Sunday, and this one feels a bit special, because it is International Women's Day. This is an institution which has been going now for 115 years, and I love knowing that because there are so many women to celebrate. This afternoon for example, just going to see the Diary of Anne Frank's Theatre production, reminds me of what a harrowing period that young teenaged woman lived through during the second World War, and the tragedy that her loss was in the week's before it's end.

As I reflect on it's meaning to me this year, I also think of the ordinary women who achieve incredible things with their lives, and yet are not celebrated in any major way. I think about the women of my own social circle for example, and find that there are so many women whom I could mention, that my mind is flooded with images. There are women who have shown incredible bravery at different points of their young lives, and either by themselves or with just one other for support, have packed up their lives as they had known them, and chosen to come to live in Australia. They've had to settle in an entirely new country, into a culture that was not their own, sometimes also needing to learn a new language. There are women who, regardless of their responsibilities in everyday life, find themselves dealing with the added trauma of having a life-limiting illness like MS. Firstly they are then are they dealing with their own fears for a future which is now uncertain. Just as importantly though, they can also find themselves coping with the ideas and expectations that those around them have about what they can and cannot achieve with their lives, regardless of how much they are loved by these people whose fear turns them into naysayer. Then, there are women who have discovered the career move that was right for them late in life, and have still had the courage to complete the requisite study, starting out again with new graduates many years their junior, and taking all of the steps necessary to pursue that dream.

I think that what we also need to see, is that for some women, everyday life without any of these challenges is still enough to make them remarkable. I have friends who are single Mothers for example, who have worked fulltime to pay the mortgage and the school-fees, while also trying to fulfil the role of both parents for their children. For other Mums who are partnered, it seems that there is still an imbalance of power and expectations in the home, regardless of how much things have advanced in recent years. How often is it the women for example, who are folding or ironing the washingand cooking meals, while they will also be the one still making the costumes for the school play, cooking the cakes for the bake sale, and getting children to basketball; not just the matches, but the training as well. They will be the Nanna or Grandma who puts aside her own interests only to donate a day or two each week of their time to look after their pre-school grandchildren, when twenty years ago they were the ones doing all of the childcaring themselves.

So as you think about the women in your life, I urge you to give some thought to whom it is that you find remarkable. Is it someone famous like Anne Frank, or someone who goes about her day quietly achieving so much, but also making it possible for others to reach their dreams because of the time she puts aside. And if you are reading this and are a woman yourself, think about some of the things that you achieve yourself, and consider raising a glass to yourself tonight, to recognise your own contribution.

Have a great week everyone, and enjoy the last warm day of this long weekend. Take care of yourselves and of each other, stay safe out there and as always, stay connected.

01/03/2026

Well here we are at the end of another Sunday, and one of the things that I have been giving some thought to this weekend, are the rules which exist within our society about how we grieve.

It is true of course, that rules govern a lot of what we do in life, not just how we grieve. They tell us how fast we can drive our cars for example, what time we should get to work each morning, how it is and is not appropriate to treat other members of our community, and what are acceptable ways to punish or reward our children. While some of these rules are backed up by appropriate legislation making them more of a requirement than a choice, others are supported by latest research or are just backed by popular opinion. Last night for example, I was listening to the range of foods that pregnant women are actively discouraged from eating. Anything from coffee, to cooked prawns and soft cheeses are off-limits now, and while it remains each prospective Mother's personal choice as to whether she follows these strictures, it is information so widely talked about that I think anyone choosing to blatantly ignore it would feel the judgment of those around her.

Grief is another subject about which people seem to have strong opinions that they are willing to share, some of them sensible and some of them not. While we now talk more openly about our grief experiences and in some cases seem better able to listen to the pain that people might be experiencing as they grieve, these societal rules still actively tell us whom we should be grieving for, what that grief should look like and for how long it should last. It is a popular view for example, that when someone in your family dies, you will be the hardest hit by this death. It is also the family who are expected to know about what sort of mourning rituals that a dying person would like to be remembered by. What we know as reality however, is that some people are not close to family members at all; in fact some people have family members whom they may not have seen for many years. These people might be much closer to the friends whom they choose as their family, and yet most workplaces won't recognise this, nor give them days of bereavement leave at the time when one of these friends dies. Further, whereas when someone's partner dies we expect them to wait what we define as a respectful amount of time before that person moves on to a new partner, if they are still waiting five or six years later, we might be impatient with them to get out and meet new people.

Just as importantly, we also seem to have a lot of unwritten rules about how we should and should not feel when someone is dying or has recently died. As I have mentioned here before, one of the things that I have noted since my diagnosis with cancer is that people who don't know me well ask questions in very hushed tones, with people often fearful of asking straight questions. Chatting to a client a few days ago, we were also remarking on the ways in which when someone has died, they automatically become a likeable person to those around them. We are expected to talk of them as a "great bloke" or a "good wooman" - whereas in reality we may not have known them well, or liked what we did know.

So how do we help ourselves to deal with all of these rules? Well I think that there are two points worth making here. Firstly, I think it is important for us to be able to talk about our experience and our feelings, openly and honestly, at least with someone. If we are being expected to grieve someone whom we didn't much like in life for example, we need to be able to express our feelings as they truly are, even if our main feeling is one of frustration about the expectation. When that person who has died is a close family member and we are feeling the weight of that social expectation to grieve, we will require some support from people who know how it truly is for us. Of course we also need to remember that our feelings are our feelings, and don't have to be acceptable to other people.

This of course links with my second point, which is that open and honest conversation on all of these grief rules is the only way that we will change them. If we talk openly, we can give people different perspectives. Further, if as we negotiate things like Enterprise Bargaining Agreements in our workplaces, we can talk about the fact that family are not the only people that we grieve for, then we might change the rules that currently exist about which relationships are included in bereavement leave.

Have a good week everyone and remember that if we ask others questions, we will learn a lot more about their experience of particular life events. Take care of yourselves and of each other, stay safe out there, and as always, stay connected.

15/02/2026

As regular readers of these posts will be aware, one of the topics that probably gets mentioned here more often than most, is self-care. I think it is something that in these uncertain times, makes sense. What I see in my counselling room, is that some people are experiencing a lot of anxiety at the moment, whether it be caused by the cost of living rising, the crime rate, the protesters on our streets, the changes in political figures or dealing with anxiety about mortgages and the uncertainty of employment. It stands to reason then, that we need to take any steps that we can to help ourselves. Well I am raising it again tonight because of a conversation that I had with a friend a few days ago.

This woman, is someone who has great presence about her. Although I have not known her a long time, she strikes me as someone who is often happy, and someone who sees the joy in situations. She has had many adventures in life, which she shares with me from time to time. The mother of two adult children, she and her husband have, she tells me, never stayed in one of their homes for longer than five years at a time. Instead they have moved around to different areas in Melbourne, gone to live in London for years on end, and are just in the middle of orchestrating their latest move at almost seventy. This time they have sold their lovely four-bedroom home and moved into their one-bedroom flat in the inner suburbs, while they await inspiration for where they might want to buy next.

Now I appreciate, that it's what to some, sounds like hardly a problem to have at all. Being able to wait for that creative inspiration or to meet the next house which just whispers into your unconscious mind the words "buy me now, I'm the next house for you", is often not the only thing that drives us as we look to buy a house. Instead we are constantly doing sums, worrying how much those rates might rise and what that might mean to our mortgages. Still, to move house every five years? It would be beyond my worst nightmare. Imagine all that packing, let alone negotiating new loans, working out proximity to work or to local amenities, and so on. Then, once it is done, knowing that I'd be doing it all again so soon? As I said, my worst nightmare! For my friend however, it makes her tick, and when I asked how she avoids some of this anxiety, she said simply "well I practise a lot of self-care, and I have a self-care buddy who keeps me on track!"

To her, the self-care does not always take a lot of organising! It might be getting up every day and deciding to take a walk with the dog. It might be setting aside fifteen minutes to meditate. It might be taking time out to read a book which interests her, or setting off with the daily intention of doing at least "this" much packing, to help with the latest moving plans. Whatever daily intensions she sets out with however, she and one of her close friends have gotten into the habit of sending a text to each other each morning, outlining what they will do which is just focused on their own self-care, for that particular day. She says that while of course they are able to hold each other accountable to their plans, just the act of thinking and planning is enough to ensure that she makes time to do it.

Well this struck a chord with me. Although I haven't set up anything quite as formal as my friend has, I have notebooks allover my house, or files in my computer which I have started at one time or another, all aimed at bringing my focus back from feeling negative, towards the positive, which are again just examples of self-care. When I began chemotherapy in 2021 for example I had a ritual of noting down five things from each day which had made me happy. At other times I have noted down things that I am grateful for, or broken goals down into very small, achievable steps. So, if you feel like your mood is low, and like your self-care is either non-existent or not well maintained, remember that sometimes small steps can help us here. If you like my friend's idea, look around for a self-care buddy, remembering that what that leads us too is another regular connection in our lives, and this I believe, is key to our mental health and wellbeing. The other point is that through self-care, we are extending ourselves some self-compassion. We are recognising a need in ourselves, not trying to push it down and out of sight. At different times, we all have these needs!

Have a good week everyone, and try to pay some special attention to your self-care. Take care of yourselves and of each other; stay safe out there, and as always, stay connected.

08/02/2026

And as we come to another Sunday night, I find myself reflecting on something which I find to be fairly incredible, really! In the last five weeks, I have been lucky enough to attend the birthday celebrations of two extraordinary women. Both of them are extraordinary in my mind for different reasons, but they had one thing in common; both were celebrating a hundred years on this earth.

As I write that down, it feels surreal to even think about. Cards from the King? The Governor-General? The Prime Minister, and even a blessing from the Pope? These were ways in which they were publicly recognised, just as they should have been. Still, they also had proud family standing behind them, to talk of their achievements and to acknowledge the important parts that they had played in people's lives. Knowing both women, I think that this recognition from granddaughters and great-granddaughters and other family members, will have been what remained with them, as family is something that they both truly value.

As I stood in the crowd on both occasions, I couldn't help but feel inspired! A hundred years? A full century? I think about the ways in which the world has changed in that time, the events that have taken place. Both of them were old enough when it happened, to be able to remember the second world war very well, for example!

In one situation, one of these women was living and working in Townsville, when orders were being made to evacuate the women and children from the town in 1942. The fact that that evacuation was called off at a moment's notice, came courtesy of the American soldiers who arrived under General McCarthur the day before they were due to go. They were saved by the bell as it were, from being moved down to Brisbane, and my friend was able to go back to serving in one of the local cafes, and listening to the dreams of young soldiers who soon enough would be shipped out to war.

The other woman, yesterday's birthday girl, was one of the voices of my childhood, and someone we always called Auntie. She is feisty and strong and has a laugh which is both happy and infectious. She too was affected by the war, and upon meeting the right man at his end, found herself married to him and gone within six weeks of their first meeting. Yesterday, her flower girl Joan was among us and delivered one of the speeches; herself now a woman in her early 80s. As I stood listening yesterday, I also found myself being amazed by how these women may be a hundred years old, but they are still in so many ways their glorious selves. My Aunt was just as interested in news of our family as she always is, and I had to stop and remind myself that up until COVID times, when she was in her early nineties, she was still involved in looking after her great-grandchildren. She may be in aged care now, but to live out on your own, still cooking and still doing until you're 98? I think that's very impressive.

I came home feeling delighted, that I had been lucky enough to be a guest at that party, and inspired anew by the quiet achievements of both of these women. I believe that when we truly feel inspired, it's a restorative feeling, and can lift us out, even if only temporarily, of whatever might be troubling us in our lives. So, I encourage you to think about who or what really inspires you; and not to be tied down to things that you feel "should" inspire you, or inspire others. Sometimes the smallest acts from individuals can make a difference, and even though others might not notice those, you do. That you do notice, is absolutely reason enough to be inspired. Have a great week everyone! Take care of yourselves and of each other, stay safe out there and remember as always, to stay connected.

01/02/2026

Well here we are at another Sunday night, and the Aus Open is almost over for another year. As the women slogged it out on the court last night, I stood alone for a moment at a social gathering I was holding, listening to the chatter going on around me. While I rejoiced in the sound of people enjoying each other, I was also reminded of how you can find yourself gaining a new perspective on something, just by listening to the conversation going on around you.

In this instance, I was listening to two good friends of mine chatting together in the crowd. They were talking about the reality of what it is like to need a new kidney, how difficult it can be for family and friends to provide support at that time, and then also about what it can be like when you have actually received your organ.

One of my friends has been on dialysis for five years now for example. She had not been eligible for a kidney during this time because of some skin cancer, and waited with incredible courage and patience to be able to go back on the waiting-list again when this time had passed. In the middle of December last year the wait was over however, and after completing a barrage of tests and paperwork, she is now awaiting a call from the hospital. While it is wonderful that that is now a possibility for her, she is also now living a waiting-game which must at times be incredibly frustrating. She cannot be but steps away from that phone at any time for example, because it won't ring twice, when time is of the essence. The thought made me shiver at the time; how must it be for her, every time a private number comes up on her phone? She must have a bag ready to go to hospital immediately should she need it, and in the meantime she must continue to live with the difficulties of dialysis; of meeting with nurses four times per week, of it taking up so much time in her day, the need to be careful any time she eats anything, while her drink is made up of ice-cubes now, and very little clear liquid.

The friend that she was chatting too is one step ahead of her however, in that she is supporting her brother, who in his sixties has recently been given a new kidney. She is trying to negotiate different challenges because of this. For him, it has not been a magical transition to life with a new kidney. He has had difficulty accepting that he needs to continue taking anti-rejection drugs for the rest of his life, so that his body can tolerate the new kidney for example. Someone for whom money has been a problem for years now, he is struggling to pay for all of the supplements that he needs to keep his weight up and has therefore lost 30 kilograms in a few months. Having done that myself with cancer, I winced, as I listened. While I joke about how much I am enjoying being thin again, it has also required me to kit out a whole new wardrobe because things are just too big to wear now, and I can only imagine how frustrating this must be for him. Living alone, he is also exhausted by the need to support himself on a daily basis, and has been readmitted to hospital on a couple of occasions now. He has not been helped out at those times by nurses who have deemed themselves far too busy to give him a shower, and being too weak to do it alone, he has on one occasion waited for almost a week, before his sister stepped into advocate for him.

As I listened, I found myself thinking about how necessary it is for us to hear these sorts of conversations, and to be educated to the difficulties faced by others in their everyday lives. We all know of people who are struggling, some with medical problems, some in the cost of living crisis, some in their working lives, and so on. While some of us are happy to ask the difficult questions — to find out about pain levels, and other difficult symptoms for a cancer patient for example, in reality what I often see is that people don't want to hear the detail. We are human. We don't necessarily know what to say, when someone's situation is hopeless. Instead, we like the happy stories such as my friend now being eligible for her kidney transplant. While the fact that she is back on the list is indeed a happy eventuality, we skim over what that wait period is like for her; how challenging it must be to spend time hoping that the next time the phone rings it will be her turn. Both of these beautiful friends of mine are not complainers; they are simply making the best of a bad deal, and will benefit from people in some way acknowledging their struggle, as they were able to for each other last night.

So, as you go about your week, I urge everyone to think about what it feels like for us to have the experience of really being seen and listened too. If you have people in your life struggling in some way like these friends of mine are, remember if the time feels right, to ask some more questions and to hesitate before you rush in with comments, but really listen to the answers. Take care of yourselves and of each other; stay safe out there, and as always, remember to stay connected.

Louise Pearson Counselling

05/04/2026

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