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Louise Pearson Counselling, 80 Mount Street, Melbourne (2026)

08/02/2026

And as we come to another Sunday night, I find myself reflecting on something which I find to be fairly incredible, really! In the last five weeks, I have been lucky enough to attend the birthday celebrations of two extraordinary women. Both of them are extraordinary in my mind for different reasons, but they had one thing in common; both were celebrating a hundred years on this earth.

As I write that down, it feels surreal to even think about. Cards from the King? The Governor-General? The Prime Minister, and even a blessing from the Pope? These were ways in which they were publicly recognised, just as they should have been. Still, they also had proud family standing behind them, to talk of their achievements and to acknowledge the important parts that they had played in people's lives. Knowing both women, I think that this recognition from granddaughters and great-granddaughters and other family members, will have been what remained with them, as family is something that they both truly value.

As I stood in the crowd on both occasions, I couldn't help but feel inspired! A hundred years? A full century? I think about the ways in which the world has changed in that time, the events that have taken place. Both of them were old enough when it happened, to be able to remember the second world war very well, for example!

In one situation, one of these women was living and working in Townsville, when orders were being made to evacuate the women and children from the town in 1942. The fact that that evacuation was called off at a moment's notice, came courtesy of the American soldiers who arrived under General McCarthur the day before they were due to go. They were saved by the bell as it were, from being moved down to Brisbane, and my friend was able to go back to serving in one of the local cafes, and listening to the dreams of young soldiers who soon enough would be shipped out to war.

The other woman, yesterday's birthday girl, was one of the voices of my childhood, and someone we always called Auntie. She is feisty and strong and has a laugh which is both happy and infectious. She too was affected by the war, and upon meeting the right man at his end, found herself married to him and gone within six weeks of their first meeting. Yesterday, her flower girl Joan was among us and delivered one of the speeches; herself now a woman in her early 80s. As I stood listening yesterday, I also found myself being amazed by how these women may be a hundred years old, but they are still in so many ways their glorious selves. My Aunt was just as interested in news of our family as she always is, and I had to stop and remind myself that up until COVID times, when she was in her early nineties, she was still involved in looking after her great-grandchildren. She may be in aged care now, but to live out on your own, still cooking and still doing until you're 98? I think that's very impressive.

I came home feeling delighted, that I had been lucky enough to be a guest at that party, and inspired anew by the quiet achievements of both of these women. I believe that when we truly feel inspired, it's a restorative feeling, and can lift us out, even if only temporarily, of whatever might be troubling us in our lives. So, I encourage you to think about who or what really inspires you; and not to be tied down to things that you feel "should" inspire you, or inspire others. Sometimes the smallest acts from individuals can make a difference, and even though others might not notice those, you do. That you do notice, is absolutely reason enough to be inspired. Have a great week everyone! Take care of yourselves and of each other, stay safe out there and remember as always, to stay connected.

01/02/2026

Well here we are at another Sunday night, and the Aus Open is almost over for another year. As the women slogged it out on the court last night, I stood alone for a moment at a social gathering I was holding, listening to the chatter going on around me. While I rejoiced in the sound of people enjoying each other, I was also reminded of how you can find yourself gaining a new perspective on something, just by listening to the conversation going on around you.

In this instance, I was listening to two good friends of mine chatting together in the crowd. They were talking about the reality of what it is like to need a new kidney, how difficult it can be for family and friends to provide support at that time, and then also about what it can be like when you have actually received your organ.

One of my friends has been on dialysis for five years now for example. She had not been eligible for a kidney during this time because of some skin cancer, and waited with incredible courage and patience to be able to go back on the waiting-list again when this time had passed. In the middle of December last year the wait was over however, and after completing a barrage of tests and paperwork, she is now awaiting a call from the hospital. While it is wonderful that that is now a possibility for her, she is also now living a waiting-game which must at times be incredibly frustrating. She cannot be but steps away from that phone at any time for example, because it won't ring twice, when time is of the essence. The thought made me shiver at the time; how must it be for her, every time a private number comes up on her phone? She must have a bag ready to go to hospital immediately should she need it, and in the meantime she must continue to live with the difficulties of dialysis; of meeting with nurses four times per week, of it taking up so much time in her day, the need to be careful any time she eats anything, while her drink is made up of ice-cubes now, and very little clear liquid.

The friend that she was chatting too is one step ahead of her however, in that she is supporting her brother, who in his sixties has recently been given a new kidney. She is trying to negotiate different challenges because of this. For him, it has not been a magical transition to life with a new kidney. He has had difficulty accepting that he needs to continue taking anti-rejection drugs for the rest of his life, so that his body can tolerate the new kidney for example. Someone for whom money has been a problem for years now, he is struggling to pay for all of the supplements that he needs to keep his weight up and has therefore lost 30 kilograms in a few months. Having done that myself with cancer, I winced, as I listened. While I joke about how much I am enjoying being thin again, it has also required me to kit out a whole new wardrobe because things are just too big to wear now, and I can only imagine how frustrating this must be for him. Living alone, he is also exhausted by the need to support himself on a daily basis, and has been readmitted to hospital on a couple of occasions now. He has not been helped out at those times by nurses who have deemed themselves far too busy to give him a shower, and being too weak to do it alone, he has on one occasion waited for almost a week, before his sister stepped into advocate for him.

As I listened, I found myself thinking about how necessary it is for us to hear these sorts of conversations, and to be educated to the difficulties faced by others in their everyday lives. We all know of people who are struggling, some with medical problems, some in the cost of living crisis, some in their working lives, and so on. While some of us are happy to ask the difficult questions — to find out about pain levels, and other difficult symptoms for a cancer patient for example, in reality what I often see is that people don't want to hear the detail. We are human. We don't necessarily know what to say, when someone's situation is hopeless. Instead, we like the happy stories such as my friend now being eligible for her kidney transplant. While the fact that she is back on the list is indeed a happy eventuality, we skim over what that wait period is like for her; how challenging it must be to spend time hoping that the next time the phone rings it will be her turn. Both of these beautiful friends of mine are not complainers; they are simply making the best of a bad deal, and will benefit from people in some way acknowledging their struggle, as they were able to for each other last night.

So, as you go about your week, I urge everyone to think about what it feels like for us to have the experience of really being seen and listened too. If you have people in your life struggling in some way like these friends of mine are, remember if the time feels right, to ask some more questions and to hesitate before you rush in with comments, but really listen to the answers. Take care of yourselves and of each other; stay safe out there, and as always, remember to stay connected.

25/01/2026

Last week you may recall, I was reminding us all that when we want to make a change in our lives, often it takes reflection on our part to think through what is working for us, and just as importantly what is not. When we know the answer to that question, then however hard it is, I think we owe it to ourselves to commit to taking that first step towards change. Whether it be to ditch that relationship because it isn't working, to take up a hobby or to plan a holiday, it might take us out of our comfort zones it is true to take that step, but in time we might be very glad that we have done it.

Well this week I was trawling through a Facebook group in the hours before dawn, when I noticed that a young woman was asking for suggestions of other women. She'd just ended a relationship wherein she felt unsupported and like she could never do anything right in her partner's eye. As she thought about taking a step towards what she hoped would this time be love, she was wanting to make sure that she didn't make the same mistakes. As I flicked through the answers, there were a lot of great responses. Someone suggested she write a list of what qualities she wants in her next partner and then commit to sticking to it. As I reflected on their answers, I thought that the advice was good. She could benefit from making a list of behaviours that she would and would not tolerate it is true, just as she could give some thought to "what do I value, and do our values really align?" or "Do I feel safe in his or her company?"

I also think that she should perhaps take it one step further than this however. I think she should give some thought to writing a list called "what behaviours do I see in myself when I am around this person that I like in myself, and what behaviours do I avoid thinking about because they have me cringing internally?" She needs to ask herself: "do I laugh a lot in his or her company?", or "Do I see myself running around as a people pleaser always trying to make him or her happy?" "Do I take too much responsibility when he or she is unhappy?" "do I feel comfortable taking up some conversational space when we are in front of his or her friends and family?", and "do I feel sure of him or her when we are amongst other people, and that I can call behaviours which are causing me concern?" I also think that one of the things that is so often left out of our thinking about partners, is "do I seek him or her out among my close people, when something goes wrong?" "Do I feel supported by him or her?", and "Do I get to talk about my day too, or is it all about them?"

If we can observe ourselves and pay close attention to some of the answers that these questions give us, we might well be saddened by their answers it is true, but we will also not be setting ourselves up to fail, when our needs are not being met. I am sure that most people who have ever been in a relationship will agree with me here; issues that are a problem when the relationship is beginning, are unlikely to go away without work from both partners, as time passes. Despite your best efforts, you will not be able to change the behaviour of a partner. You will however, with time and effort, be able to change your own behaviours, and make a life for yourself where you feel more confident about what it is that you want, what it is that you deserve.

Here's wishing everyone a relaxing long weekend however you are spending it. Spare a thought for our people fighting floods and fires and for those who have lost so much in recent weeks and days. Have a happy Australia Day tomorrow and remember to take care of yourselves and of each other. Above all, stay safe out there, and as always, stay connected.

18/01/2026

Well here we are at another Sunday night, and for me it's hard to believe that it is already the middle of January. However, with the Australian Open now having replaced The Ashes on my tv screens, this year of 2026 is well and truly under way, and I wanted to come and wish all of my readers the happiest of New Years.

While these sentiments roll off the tongue very easily, I have been reflecting on the fact that for many people, things have been incredibly difficult over the Christmas period, and early summer. Some for example, have been devastated by bush-fires, again. Others have experienced freak weather episodes which have caused flash-flooding and washed camp-sites away, to say nothing of the mental trauma they have caused. Even in my own community during these holidays I have heard about a lot of deaths. One was a beautiful cousin of mine who died too soon, of cancer. Another is a man in the prime of his life who experienced a medical emergency and did not survive it. For someone else, it was one of her much-loved cats, who has been in her life for eighteen years and whose death is hurting as much as any human family member's ever has. Of course with each of these deaths often comes unbearable suffering and loss for the nearest and dearest. What we also need to keep in mind is that there is a ripple affect caused by every death, and for those who are not so close or who may be impacted by the events rather than by the loss of individuals, it can still be incredibly painful.

Often at these times, we are reminded of our need to keep in mind just how fickle life is, and therefore of our wish to make the most of the moments we still have to live through. It is something that we often talk about, when someone close to us dies. We say things like "I'm going to remember to use the good glasses", or "we should talk more often than we do at funerals", or "I'm definitely going to make an effort to see more of him, this year". Well although statistics tell us that New Year's Resolutions are forgotten about each year by the middle of February, there is still something to our desire to change things, which I think we can harness.

This thought has me remembering an afternoon which I spent here in my kitchen with a lovely friend on the first day of the year. My friend said simply that this year, she wants to change one thing. When she thinks of something she'd like to do, what she wants to do differently is to take action more quickly than she usually does, towards making it a reality. Instead of being caught up in thinking "they won't want to do that", or "yes I must remember to read that book or ring that person", for example, she wants to think about whether she really does want to do it, and then take the steps necessary to make it happen with more immediacy.

When she shared this idea with a couple of her girlfriends, she found that they could see the value in it too and were soon coming up with plans of their own. Already she's been booked up for a girl's weekend away in the first couple of months of the year. She also has made arrangements for another group of friends to go to a free concert put on by the Melbourne Symphony Orchestra in at the music bowl, and so on.

Of course, for me, the idea has great appeal. It involves both the act of becoming socially involved, while also encouraging us towards taking steps towards change. Being a believer in the importance of human connection, I also believe that when by chance we are feeling lonely, questioning whether we are enough or where it is that we might belong, what new interests we could pursue, this is the time when we most need opportunities for connection.

So, if you have in any way been struggling through the beginning of your year, remember that small steps count as much as large ones ever do. If you've been thinking that you'd like to do this or that activity, break things down into bite-sized pieces, and then make sure your first step can be taken immediately and is not one which will cause you huge anxst. As you go about your week, I first want to thank you for taking the time to read these posts, and then to ask you to take care of yourselves and of each other. Stay safe out there, and as always, remember to stay connected.

21/12/2025

Well here we are, and I'm sure that for some of us, our groaning credit cards actually do have us believing that it is the Sunday before Christmas. So, before I leave your Facebook feeds in peace for a few weeks, I wanted to reflect a little, as I often do at this time of year, on the year that was.

For me, it started with the knowledge that we were fast running out of options for stopping this Pancreatic Cancer. When a drug trial became available to me in April, I gritted my teeth when I read it's side-effects profile, and then signed on the dotted line. Well one of my learnings for this year then became apparent; not all side-effects show up for everyone, and so for me it was well worth trying a new option. It had me able to attend a family wedding in June, get some work done to my house, go for a ride in a helicopter, read books with my Book Group, join a choir, and regularly catch up with much-loved friends and family. By year's end, the ground that I stand on might be a bit shaky, but I've still been able to go on an 80s cruise with one friend, plan an ocean holiday in Kiama (which I highly recommend as a way of releasing some stress), and have people gather in my home again for Christmas.

What I am also reminded of at year's end, is that it is also the small everyday things that we do, which we remember with as much joy as we do the bigger and more obvious events. I remember well an afternoon spent at a friend's farm recently for example, as I reacquainted myself with her Mum, who was visiting from Canada. It's the impromptu dinners with family or friends, the chance to rekindle old friendships, the nights spent with other friends talking about all manner of things, some trivial, some important. It's being witness to what my clients achieve in their lives, and being able to find meaning in projects such as writing my second book.

Just as importantly, it's about being able to notice what's going on in the world at large, which might leave us with particularly heavy hearts, but which also confirm for us how fortunate we ourselves are. Last week, I did not need to be on the ground at Bondi for example, to silently witness the devastation caused in just a few short hours, which will reverberate in many people's lives, for years to come. Things like all of the crime sprees in our city which seem to go largely unpunished currently, the countries devastated by war, and the rising costs of living, also has me recognising that for many people this year is a bigger struggle than anything I am going through personally.

My point then, is that we all have things that this year will be remembered for. If we look hard enough, we can find things which have constituted successes for us personally. They can be big, they can be small, but the point is that they mean something to us, and that's what makes them important. Like the idea of the Brag book which I talked about some months ago (where we take note of our work achievements and write down the positive comments that we have received), this reflecting too allows us to celebrate the things that have been important to us. For some of us it has been an incredibly hard year which may feel like we've had more hard times than good; reflecting on those times too allows us to find recognition for those difficult times. Feel free to write in the comments below, what you have found this year memorable for.

As we come into Christmas week and the last year of 2025, I want to thank you for reading along with these Sunday night posts for another year. The fact that you find some of them give you cause for reflection while others might give you some ideas to go forward with, is something which I find incredibly humbling. Take care of yourselves and of each other and if Christmas is not your thing, or is something that has you feeling anxious, try to remember that it is just one day, and often only a few hours. Remember that when we are feeling most alone, connection is the key that will most often get us out of that trough, so I urge you as always to stay safe, and to stay connected.

14/12/2025

Last week, I was talking about how difficult it can be to cope with the expectations of others, particularly at this time of year. Well this week, I have also been reflecting on what a hard time Christmas (and any particularly family-related holiday) can be, for those of us who are feeling lonely or alone.

Those two words, lonely and alone, feel to me like they are loaded with so many implications, and are often associated with shame. If you are experiencing loneliness for example, you might well be gathering with your people at Christmas time, but also have the feeling that nobody gets you, or that you don't belong in that space. At the same time however, you are likely to be very aware that society teaches us that we "should" feel like we belong with family. Just this knowledge then, can lead to us feeling that we are the square peg in the round hole; that everyone else fits in and that it is a failing of ours that we feel like we do not.

Being alone during one of these holidays, can be just as challenging. When family are not at home, when no invitations have come in from others for spending Christmas day, or when we suspect that we have been invited out of pity, this too can leave us feeling shame. Just as society dictates that we are all able to play happy families from time to time, it also suggests that we should have a big group of friends and relatives to celebrate with. To admit that we don't have this can be shaming.

As a grief counsellor, I know that for many of my clients, Christmas is a real struggle to get through, and often they will be feeling both alone, and lonely at the same time. As an example of what I mean here, I have one widowed client who was married for over forty years. Now that her husband has died, she feels keenly the emptiness of her house and misses the chat and banter that made up their everyday life. She is seeing her family on Christmas Day, but things are not as comfortable as they were when her husband was with her. Further, her children have decided to do breakfast this year. This means effectively that she will be at home long before midday, when everyone else is still preparing their Christmas lunch, with no further commitments for the day. She is not helped out by the fact that she remembers Christmases past, when she and her husband had young children, and a house full of people for most of the day. Now, she is trying to fill the rest of her day with things that she likes doing, but which she can do alone, like gardening or reading.

To my mind, all of the above raises two important questions. Firstly, how do we cope as the person experiencing those feelings? Secondly, if we are standing on the outside looking in, how do we offer support which preserves a person's dignity, and yet allows them to feel seen?

In answer to the first question of course, there is no easy response. I think if we could talk about our experience of the day more openly than we sometimes do, then this actually might help us to gain some new perspectives. Further, my client is going to miss her husband on that day more than others, and she needs to know that this is a normal part of grief. She also might benefit from trying to do anything which will make the day pass a little more smoothly. I often suggest to people for example, that this is a time to buy a present or two for themselves; after all no one knows what we would enjoy quite like we do. It might also be the day for preparing oneself a favourite meal — we know it won't take away the pain but it will fill the time.

Just as importantly, it can be a day for challenging our own thinking. So, if you have always been of the belief that it is to be a day spent with family, remember that friends can be the family you choose. If a friend asks you over, I suggest thinking the invitation through before you say no. These people might very well want you with them, and if you generally feel comfortable in their presence, why should you stay at home? If you don't enjoy it, remember that you wouldn't necessarily have been happier alone.

If we are the person watching on from the side-lines then, I think there's a couple of points to make. If it is our Mum sitting in this picture, I personally think that we may need to ask ourselves — can we really do no better than seeing her for an hour at breakfast? Can we not walk a mile in her shoes? How would we cope if it were us rattling around in an empty house alone for most of Christmas Day? If we are a close friend on the other hand, I urge you to keep trying with this person, and to look for other ways of involving them in your day. If they won't come to you at lunchtime when your house is full, could they come to see you in the evening if that is a quieter time? Could you take ten minutes time out to call them in the middle of the day, or send them a text? The key I think to getting through loneliness, is to feel that someone is reaching out to connect with us.

So, as you go about your week, take notice of those around you, and listen as much to what is not said clearly, as you do to the bright chit-chat that we all use to cover up our shame! Take care of yourselves and of each other. Stay safe out there, and as always, stay connected.

07/12/2025

One of the things that I have been hearing a lot about this week from my clients, is the problems that often arise for them associated with the expectations of others. While this can be a problem at any time of year, it seems that Christmas introduces a whole new range of expectations, especially from our nearest and dearest.

Some of these expectations will be about how we choose to spend the day itself. Others however, will be about simple things like where people are going to sleep when the house is full of people and space is at a premium, who will take responsibility for preparing what foods, whether to buy individual gifts or to do a secret santa, and so on. Sitting listening, I can't help thinking that so often these issues would be less of a problem if we took it upon ourselves to communicate our needs more clearly and respectfuly, and tried to see things from each other's perspective.

As an example of what I mean here, let me tell you about a client I was speaking to a few days ago, who regularly has her Aunt Elizabeth to join her family for a few nights over Christmas. Now this client has MS, and navigates her world, incredibly successfully might I add, in a wheelchair. Perhaps not wanting to acknowledge the physical changes in their daughter caused by the MS however, her parents never speak openly about her symptoms. They therefore have very little understanding of the fatigue that she deals with on a daily basis, how the heat affects her, the issues that she has with bladder and bowel, and when they suggest family activities (like going to the beach), don't seem to give a thought to how my client can reach the ocean in her chair.

While this is how they cope on a daily basis, Christmas does indeed introduce new problems for the family. With both my client and her Aunt coming to stay, both need to be accommodated. As they fail to recognise her disability however, they also believe that giving their one single bed to her Aunt is necessary and polite, as it acknowledges her age. Well this leaves my client in a position where she cannot get in and out of her bed (a matress on the floor) with any ease. She can't go to the toilet at night independently, and so on.

To me, this is a great example of where communication of her needs should be respectful yes, but also clear and concise, with my client needing to hold her boundaries and make some points non-negotiable. She has been in a wheelchair for ten years now, and the time for her to sugar-coat the impact of her disease so that her parents feel better about it, is in my opinion, long gone. I believe that in this situation, she needs to draw their attention to the physical issues that she has with sleeping on a matress, but also to say that although she may have allowed it in the past, this is not something she is prepared to do anymore. If they would like to get out of their bed to accommodate her Aunt, they are perfectly at liberty to do that. If they would rather their daughter didn't come to stay, then that too is an option, but she cannot continue to have her holiday ruined by exhaustion and by the frustration of her needs being brushed under the carpet, going into the future.

Of course this is just one example. Other clients have talked about the difficulty of negotiating which meals should be spent with which family members for example. Where divorce has caused a separation in the family, or where new partners and their families are being introduced, often this will also change the christmas traditions that have been in place for years. I think that often problems arise in these situations because people feel fear about rocking the proverbial boat. They feel themselves being backed into a corner (something which none of us like), and can often feel frustrated as much by their own inability to say what they want to say, as with other people who are not listening. If however, we can accept that difficult conversations are necessary, can listen to others and respectfully request that they listen to us and can put on the table what it is that we are and are not negotiable about, then it stands to reason that everyone will at least be working from the same page, and the guess work which often causes matters to escalate into a full-on argument, will be reduced if not eliminated.

So, as you go about your week, remember that if you find it hard to communicate your needs, you are not alone. Try writing down your main points to help you prepare for difficult conversations, and remember that the person you are trying to talk to may be just as anxious as you are when it comes time to talk. Take good care of yourselves and of each other, stay safe out there and remember as always, to stay connected.

Louise Pearson Counselling

08/02/2026

01/02/2026

25/01/2026

18/01/2026

21/12/2025

14/12/2025

07/12/2025

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