Louise Pearson Counselling

28/09/2025

Well here we are at another Sunday night, and one of the things that I have been reflecting on today, is just how important is our ability to laugh at ourselves. So, let me give you an example of what I mean by this!

I have learned a lot of different things that I would once never have thought to know, over the last four years since my cancer diagnosis. One of those things is that we do actually have to try all different things that we would normally baulk at, on our way to finding what works for us, or makes things a tiny bit easier. Another is that yes, when on some of the lovely cancer treatments available to us, they'll create side-effects such as vomiting and diarrhoea that you can meet up with, five or six times per day every day, for months on end, and still live your life. On the more positive side however, another thing that I've learned is that the cancer diet certainly works. You want to look thinner? You've wanted it all your life? Don't worry, you soon will!

There does however, come a time when that little joke too is over, and you want to stop the trajectory down with your weight. So, then you try all sorts of things to put the weight back on. Well picture this! A few weeks ago, I was sitting at dinner with friends, when I realised that the grilled fish? It was just not going to work for me that night! I looked at one friend in consternation, and after we'd done the dash to the ladies' bathroom, she said to me,
"I need to get you a protein powder!" Well as good as her word of course, the next day she'd been to the market where her vegetarian husband goes, and bought me his best recommendation. And not being someone who loves things like protein powders? Having tried it once in water unsuccessfully, it's stared at me belligerently from the top of my microwave ever since. I could all but hear it talking to me, saying,
"You know you have to drink me. She went to all that trouble to get me for you!"

So, this morning, I decided it was time to try again. Not being one for breakfast drinks or even making milk-shakes, I'd asked a couple of people who make smoothies regularly for their tips. I now had lined up in front of me a banana, some milk, some avocado, some strawberries, and a good scoop of protein powder for the top. I blitzed it merrily in the food processor, and when I poured it into a glass, realised in growing dread, that it looked very thick if not lumpy. In fact it was perhaps not unlike a reproduction of the day's takings, similar to what some Brisbane Lions supporters would have been making this morning after a night of celebrating! It was DISGUSTING, and I could only manage half a glass.

Well as I've said; sometimes we try things and have to keep trying! Although I had no wish to admit it, what I found over the next hour was that while I'd have to change my recipe to make it drinkable, my tummy did not immediately rebel! There are hope for these smoothies yet! Anyone got a simple recipe or a trick they want to share? Please, put it in the comments.

My point here tonight however, is two-fold. The first is that it's always good to be able to laugh at ourselves. I find that looking for humour in these situations is such a positive. The second is that those acts of kindness, from good friends, can actually really help to spur us on. My friend Paola is a busy wife and Mother. She doesn't have lots of baby-siting support here in Australia, and she works full time. Still, she found time to get a powder to me, within the first 24 hours that she realised I needed it. I take great comfort from that, and believe that sometimes if we can look around and see those little efforts that people make on our behalf, they can comfort us when we are feeling disconnected, or misunderstood.
Have a great week everyone. Take care of yourselves and of each other. Stay safe out there, and as always, stay connected.

21/09/2025

So one of the things that you will know about me if you've been reading along for a while, is that I love books. I find they allow me to get inside someone else's mind and world. They often give me a totally different perspective to think from about particular situations, and will also sometimes give me confidence that I am deepening my understanding on a particular subject, because I am privileged enough to be reading someone's lived experience.

In fact, I've become so committed to this as a vehicle to educate people, that I have already published a memoir, and am currently in the process of writing both a three-part ebook series for people diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer, and a book for counsellors and other health professionals. While I don't for a moment think that I have anything amazing to say, I also know that this lived experience from the person themselves was something that I was looking for and didn't find, when I was first diagnosed. Further, it will probably not surprise you that over four and a half years with this cancer, I have picked up some pointers that I'd like to pass on to health professionals, on a subject that seems to have so little written about it.

These things are only in the pipeline however, and so what I'm also aware of is that my books are very much of the unpolished variety. I come from the thinking that if they help one person, then I'm happy. On the other side of this coin however, are books which have been years in the making, written by people far more talented with words and pen than I ever shall be, and with the ability to capture an audience.

Recently for example, I was blown away by a book called Horse Boy: A Father's Quest to Heal his Son. It was written by Rupert Isaacson some twenty years ago, whose young toddler is diagnosed with severe autism. As a part of this story, he and his wife Kristin travel from America to Mongolia with their five-year-old son Rohan, who cannot be left with anyone other than either parent, has a grueling sleep-routine each night and is not yet toilet-trained. In Mongolia they seek Shamanic healing and do all sorts of things along the way. It was so captivating as a story that the book was later turned into a movie.

My point however, was that it really did convey the good, the bad the ugly, that this little family faced on a daily basis because of the autism. Coping with a five-year-old who found toileting challenging at the best of times was certainly going to present it's issues in the desert. There was so much more than this however; there was the need to cater for particular food textures while there, to manage his ability to cope on particular modes of transport to get to the end goal, and it was also celebrating the sweetest of victories and the changes that they were witnessing in Rohan. It left me with questions, but it certainly gave me that deeper understanding, from an insider's perspective.

So, I wonder if you have read books recently, that have helped to change your perspective, or given you different ideas. If you have a book to suggest, please don't hesitate to share it with us in the comments. It might even be a movie. Have a great week everyone! Remember to take care of yourselves and of each other, stay safe, and as always, stay connected.

14/09/2025

As we come to another Sunday, I want to say that my last week has been an interesting one. I haven't taken as much time as I usually would, to notice external events. Sadly I must admit that I didn't even think about wearing yellow, for this year's R U OK day for example! In fact, idly I comb back through my wardrobe — do I even still own anything yellow?

What I did take note of from the inside of one of Melbourne's big private hospital chains however, was the hype that went on about the day here. As doctors and nurses scurried here and there, orderlies wheeled patients off to scanners and other procedures and food trolleys waited their turns to get through the maelstrom, from time to time there would be a cheerful recording playing on the loud-speaker. It reminded people of the fact that this was R U OK day. It requested that they stop right there — connect with a colleague, check in with them and generally ask the question.

Well although I acknowledge the sentiments behind these efforts, I also chuckled at the implausible nature of the request. Which nurse was going to stop in his stride, become tearful and say
"no, I'm not ok". Which doctor was then going to find the time to get him a coffee, pull up a chair and ask for the story, if he'd like to share it? In fact it was a great reminder to me of just how silenced people who are experiencing that feeling of not being ok can actually be. If we are lucky, we have people who know us well watching out for us; and they'll be the ones who check in with us! Not all of us however, are lucky enough to have close people. It might be that we are re-establishing ourselves in a new community or country for example, or that we have been taught from childhood that falling apart is simply not an option. What we need to remember is that regardless of our conditioning, we've all been there at different times in our lives. This is not a "them" and "us" situation. In fact most of us can relate to the fact that saying we are not ok takes a great deal of courage, and can remember just how crippled we can feel when people silence us by not noticing.

As an example of how we sometimes silence people, think of it this way. How many times do we hear the question "how are you?" in our days? We hear it from family members at the breakfast table, from friends, from work colleagues, shop assistants, people at the gym or on the bus. I think that the disappointing reality however, is that most of the time people are not listening for the answers. It is a question that people fit in if you like; and can often be asked as a statement rather than a question — with people turning to the next topic before an answer can be given. Further, I think that just as we've been socialised to ask this question without thinking, we've also absorbed the fact that for the most part, our answer needs to be "well thanks, how are you?" or words to that effect.

So, how do we rectify this? Well I think that we need to remember just how alone and unseen we can feel, when people don't notice that we need to talk. I'm also happy to go further and to suggest that sometimes, we need to expect ourselves to meet that need in other people, regardless of how uncomfortable we feel. It's not someone else's job, but ours. We may not know what to say to the grieving Mother who has lost her child, to the next-door neighbour whose dog has died, or to the person who might be feeling friendless. We may fear that we'll be an inadequate helper, and we may be. Still, if we stop and ask, and wait to hear the answer, we'll at least know we've tried. What may guide our efforts is to think back to what helped us in times of distress. I believe that there's a lot of comfort to be found in that sentence which starts with the words "tell me".

And I guess that tonight, that's my final point. Just as we can silence people, often without meaning to, we can get it right too. If we can really focus on the person we are talking to, stop to hear what they are saying rather than be thinking about what we are going to say next, and let them know how important they are, we can make such a difference to how ok we all feel. We're human. It takes practice to really listen I know, and all of us mess it up on a daily basis. I believe though that if we keep expecting better of ourselves, we can actually make it happen.

Have a great week everyone! Take care of yourselves and of each other, stay safe out there, and as always, stay connected.

07/09/2025

Well here we are at another Sunday night. With this one being Father's Day, for many of us this weekend will have involved seeing, or at the very least thinking about, our Dads.

If we're lucky, we've sat across from our Dads in a restaurant for lunch today, or had some sort of family gathering. We may even have sat with him in his room in the local Aged care facility, trying to come up with conversation that will interest him. We may have gotten him on the line for a chat, written a card or sent a text. We may even have found a gift which we think he would enjoy. While the relationship with him probably has it's own challenges (we are none of us perfect), the lines of communication in these situations, are still open.

For others however, we are dealing with a situation where chatting to our Dads is no longer possible. It may be that he experiences hearing-loss as a part of ageing for example, so having deep conversations is exhausting and difficult. It may be that he has dementia and therefore struggles to recognise you, or other family members. It may be that you or other family members have chosen to end the relationship that you had with him, because it didn't serve you to keep working on it. This is a form of what we call Ambiguous Loss, because — your Dad may well be there with you, or live a few suburbs away, but communication isn't happening, and this is something that often leaves people feeling far more isolated in their grief, than it would had someone died.

Of course this brings me to the other reason why the lines of communication are no longer open, which is that our Dads have died. For people like myself, for whom it has happened in the last year, today my grief is raw and at the top of my mind. For someone who lost her Dad when he was in his nineties and ready to go, the grief is perhaps more manageable after a few years. For another friend who lost her Father as a teenager more than fifty years ago, it still hurts, of course, but the grief is again different.

So how do we help ourselves in these situations? Well firstly, we need to allow ourselves to acknowledge our sadness and our hurt. If your grief is fifty years old and is pushing to get out? That's fine, it's your grief. If on the other hand you don't feel grief for the loss of that relationship? This may well be for good reason! Family can indeed be configured by our parents, our children, our cousins, etc. Family can also be configured by good friends, by people whom we met once, and whom we would never have dreamt that they would become so important to us. Essentially, we feel what we feel, and finding a way to let those feelings out, can help. It might be that you write in a journal, write out a list of memories that you have with your Dad, good or bad. It might be that this moves into a list of qualities that you admire in your Dad, that you make a photo board — the possibilities are limitless. With the help of AI, I have recorded a song on Suno called Another Ocean Swim; Suno provides the singers and I'll take responsibility for the bad lyrics. Enjoy and think about whether this is something that you'd like to try!

https://suno.com/song/ca6ae175-290a-436e-9eb3-2dcbb373bb74

Have a great week everyone! Take care of yourselves and of each other! Happy Father's Day to all the Dads out there, or the people who stand in as Dads. Take care of yourselves and of each other, stay safe and as always, stay connected.

Listen and make your own on Suno.

04/09/2025

Good afternoon all!
Recently, my friend Sumbera (who also masquerades as Siren Serenade) and I, have been working with the help of AI, on an album with a bit of a difference! This one is called Give Me Tomorrow: Two Friends on Their Cancer Journey!
I feel that this album is particularly important to me, because it talks about our friendship, and how we have both handled my journey so far, with Pancreatic cancer! Presented as song first from me, and then one from Irene, I think it allows us to capture both perspectives; myself as the person with cancer, and her as one of the people closest to me, and all the issues that that raises for her as both a carer and as a friend!
This is just a different way of getting lived experience heard, so if you'd like to have a listen, or share it with your friends, it's available on Spotify, YouTube music and Apple Music, as well as some of the smaller platforms!
While mine is Pancreatic cancer, I really believe that it doesn't matter so much what the life-limiting illness is, it's something that we can all relate to, if we or our friends or family are living with something like this!
For Apple Music go to

https://music.apple.com/au/album/give-me-tomorrow-two-friends-on-their-cancer-journey/1837321729?l=en-GB
For Spotify, the link is:

https://open.spotify.com/album/0cvlkJlrfZLX16yf5MKtxX?si=cyG9H9vEQ9SkUuQp7ffJHg And on YouTube music, you go to:

https://music.youtube.com/playlist?list=OLAK5uy_lvJXyyT1_K4upH1WbrafDwTSvcAE-k_iU&si=_8GXN2KgK0rEP0_i

Enjoy

With the YouTube Music app, enjoy over 100 million songs at your fingertips, plus albums, playlists, remixes, music videos, live performances, covers, and hard-to-find music you can’t get anywhere else.

31/08/2025

Well here we are at another Sunday evening, and a part of me wants to rejoice. Winter is almost behind us! In the meantime though, I have also been reflecting on some of the challenges faced by members of different cultural communities for whom English is a second language. I have been reminded of how things like problems with health just add complexity to an often already fraught situation.

So, what do I mean by this? Well today, as we sat in a nail salon, one of the women there mentioned as she shaped my friend's nails, that her nine-year-old daughter has been diagnosed with an eye condition. She didn't mind sharing with us that as she listened to the news, she felt her heart drop, her breath catch in her throat and the tears beginning. Yes, she was told by an Optometrist who I felt was perhaps above his station, it was serious and if left untreated, could lead to permanent blindness. Nevertheless, when he fitted the child for glasses, he shrugged off this child's Mother's request for a referral to an ophthalmologist as being unnecessary. When she followed this up with her GP, the GP then capped off an already upsetting experience by refusing point blank to write the referral; he was not across all of the details of the situation he said evasively, it probably wasn't necessary.

Now to my mind, there are so many things wrong with this picture. Firstly, regardless of these health professionals' rudeness, we can all if we stop for long enough, relate to her feeling of helpless panic. This is her youngest child, and what, she might go blind? She will need replacement glasses every few months? What will it mean for her as an adult? In practical terms — as one of three or four children, this idea of replacing expensive glasses regularly is also worrying for a family. It's a big bill to contend with. Like many loving parents or those who stand in as parents however, all these thoughts were eclipsed by her desire to step into her daughter's shoes, and take the problem on herself, if only she could.

As I mentioned, these are feelings and sentiments which many of us will relate to. What added complexity for her however, was the fact that although she speaks very good English, medical terms are complex. Does she really grasp the difference between optometrist and ophthalmologist for example? Does she understand that risk that the optometrist talked about, of her daughter going blind? Is it something which is just a percentage point and which the optometrist mentioned to impress upon her the importance of the diagnosis, or is it something that will happen to one in ten diagnosed? As she doesn't have clear answers to these and other questions, it leaves her in a position of ongoing panic and uncertainty, feeling like she is perhaps asking too much when she wants to seek a second opinion.

Well as a health professional myself, it was a very good reminder that I need to stop and think, any time I am explaining something to a client for whom English is not their first language. I need to use easier-to-understand English, which does not mean speaking very slowly or loudly, just clearly. More than anything, I need to check that understanding with them, and to keep working on it if the person I am talking to is not following me. Perhaps the optometrist doesn't think a second opinion is necessary in the above situation at the moment for example, but if he could explain his reasons simply, and if he could ensure that answers to questions have been understood by family members, then the heart-ache which is understandable for them, will also be minimised.

As just another member of the community however, I also think that there are things that we can do. As a friend for example, we can offer to step in and go with them to future appointments. We might not talk in these situations, but we can take notes, and then ensure that the messages are understood afterwards. We can explain to them their rights, reassuring them that a second opinion is very possible here, or helping them to decide whether a hospital clinic is what they want, or a private specialist. We can also communicate our understanding of what they are going through, assuring them that their feelings are valid and understandable.
Have a great week everyone! Take care of yourselves and of each other, stay safe out there and as always, stay connected.

24/08/2025

Last week, you may recall that I talked in this space about just how difficult anxiety can be to contain. As I said then, conditions like anxiety and depression can leave us feeling alone, and isolated, just as can grief and bereavement. They can leave us feeling like it is a struggle to motivate ourselves to make changes, even when we are sure that change is the path that we most need to take.

As I said then, when we are in this position, we often feel like no one else gets us, or that others don't experience the huge dip in motivation that we ourselves are living with. Perhaps the thing that we most need to know in this instance, is that in fact a lack of motivation is something that can and does come upon us all from time to time. What we also need to know is that just by doing one thing differently, we can lighten our moods and change our outlooks.

As an example of what I mean here, yesterday I found myself having one of those low motivation days. I was planning to have family in for dinner last night, and found to my disappointment in the morning, that my much-loved niece would be missing in action, due to illness. Slowly I moved around the house setting tables and preparing food, but feeling very lacklustre as I did it. I couldn't decide whether I wanted to run music through my speakers which was so loud that it sent Arthur the dog off to his bedroom in disgust, or whether I wanted to bury myself in a book. The clock ticked on while I decided however, and I found that I had done very little that was productive by the end of the morning.

At lunchtime, I noticed a ringtone on my phone which always makes me smile. This time it was my nephew calling to confirm that he and his wife would be joining us last night, while on the way home from golf.
"It's a beautiful day today!" he said, as he told me about his game. As we agreed that spring is indeed in the air, I was ashamed to admit that I hadn't yet really put my nose out into the sunshine. When I got off the telephone, I found that even talking about this with my nephew had lifted my mood. Suddenly opening my Uber Eats app to order in a few last minute things for our dinner seemed ridiculous. The items were not heavy I decided, I should in fact walk to get them, which would make Arthur happy at the same time. As I stepped out into the sunshine, or smiled at other people going about their business in our shopping strip, I found it was not a conscious thought to smile. I wasn't suddenly feeling delight, but some of the heaviness that I had been experiencing in the morning had lifted.

Now I know that motivation is not always so easily found. Sometimes just boiling the kettle for a cup of tea can feel almost beyond us. Sometimes it's putting feet to floor which feels insurmountable. The point is though, that when we indulge ourselves, and actually put our heads back under the doona, or keep the doors closed between us and the outside world, it doesn't help us either in the long or the short term. Even making one small move like answering a call, calling a friend to make a coffee date, or going on a short walk to the local shops can leave you with a feeling of accomplishment. It leaves you with the knowledge that you have done something worthwhile with your day, and hopefully has you feeling in some way like you are more connected to the world around you.

So, as you go about your week, if you are feeling like your mood is low, keep looking for the small moves that you can make and remember that you are not alone in having these feelings. Take care of yourselves and of each other; stay safe out there and remember as always, to stay connected.

17/08/2025

One of the things I have been reflecting on over the past week, is just how crippling anxiety can be. I know that social anxiety is a topic which I have addressed here before, but in reality, anxiety can present itself in many different situations. When it does, it's impact can be very wide-reaching. It can affect our sleep patterns for example, have us feeling fearful about doing tasks which we once did without thinking, reduce our capacity to enjoy planned activities, impact our willingness to leave the safety of our homes, and that's just the tip of the iceberg.

Anxiety is something which most of us judge ourselves for feeling in the first place! It's like we are sitting in front of a mirror saying (usually in a disgusted tone of voice),
"No one else carries on as you do! What's wrong with you?" It might be that we have been traumatised in the past; that we have a phobia about anything from spiders to driving, or that we experience anxiety about the thought of our own deaths. It might be that we freeze in job interviews, that we become anxious about making particular life decisions, or that the thought of having to express our point of view in a difficult conversation, has us terrified. Just as importantly however, it also might be linked in with hormonal changes, and so not necessarily something that we are used to experiencing.

Due to the very nature of anxiety, the sad reality is also that withdrawal, and turning away from whatever it is that makes us anxious, is often what we do in an attempt to help ourselves cope. Suddenly that phone-call which just needs to be made can feel like a task which is insurmountable. It might be that we turn to habits like drinking alcohol or taking drugs to distract ourselves from the feelings that we don't know how to deal with. Further, this turning away then often leads us to isolate ourselves in our homes, when we most need the support of people who would understand us. It makes sense then that often coupled with the anxiety, is the depression that comes from feeling socially isolated and unseen, with only our noisy inner critics to keep us company. In fact while anxiety can cause depression, it follows then that depression can also cause anxiety.

So what do we do to help ourselves in these situations? Well I think that the first thing to say is that it is imperative that we understand that almost 30 per cent of adults will be diagnosed with an anxiety disorder at some stage in their lives. So, if anxiety is something that you live with, at roughly one in three people having been where you are now at some stage, then you are very definitely not a freak, and there is no need for you to go through this alone and silent. Look up anxiety on YouTube or on your favourite Podcast platform, or type it into your library's search facility, so that you can better inform yourself about this as a problem. Join a facebook group or talk about it to friends, and try to challenge yourself to be open to facing some of the situations which you find so anxiety provoking. If you can practice with a friend having one of those difficult conversations you have been avoiding for example, or you can run some mock job interviews to help you get used to answering work-related questions, then you may find that this reduces your anxiety somewhat.

Equally important I think, is for you to try to make some plans to get out of the house every day. You may not necessarily feel like going to work from the office in these days when working from home can be taken for granted, but at least it gets you out and doing, gives you some more structure to your day and allows you to see people face to face.

Having established that anxiety can be related to things like change of life, discuss what is going on for you with your GP. He or she may be able to offer solutions like Hormone Replacement Therapy, but they can also refer you to a counsellor who can help you get to the root cause of the anxiety, and work with you to develop targeted strategies. One of the things that I do with my clients is a process called Depth Enquiry for example. This is a very effective way of assisting people to deal with phobias, and to process trauma. The bottom line is I think to make sure that you take this seriously. Anxiety can very definitely have a negative impact on your mental health, and you being as well as is possible, is something that you deserve.

Have a great week everyone! Take care of yourselves and of each other, stay safe out there and as always, stay connected.

10/08/2025

One of the things that I have been reflecting on over the last week or two, is just how fickle life is. Yes, we can certainly be sure that the taxman will find us, but despite all of the planning that we do, life itself remains unpredictable, and can pull the rug out from beneath our feet without a moment's notice.

So, what do I mean by this? Well if you've been reading these posts for any amount of time, you'll be aware that I am battling Pancreatic cancer. Sure, I am supported by a drug trial which is beating it back better than anything else has, and I am currently well! I battle side-effects it is true, but I also have survived four years, have a village of loyal supporters, am still working, and living a fulfilled life. All this being said, if I read the statistics or even trawl through the support pages on Facebook, I know that things can change quickly. I am now more conscious of keeping in touch with people, of planning experiences and creating memories, am excited when I reach a milestone like attending a family wedding, and yet am unsure about plans that I make for next year.

Well a couple of weeks ago, I was reminded anew of how lucky I have been to have this lead-time, and of the heart-break caused for families and friends who experience the shock of a traumatic death. It was early on Sunday morning, and I was trawling through Facebook as the sun was rising. In delight I noticed a post from an old friend who was on a family holiday in Italy. I smiled as I began to read, having loved other family posts from these people over the last few weeks. My smile turned quickly to tears however, as I tried to compute what I was reading! Her sister had died there? Surely not! I have known this girl since I was 17 and she about ten, and have remembered her inner beauty ever since. How could it be that her Mother, along with her brother and sisters, were now sorting out the legalities of bringing her home? I felt helpless. Sure I could send messages, but they are left in the midst of a world of pain, on the other side of the world.

Flash forward to this last Thursday, and I received a call from my brother, as I was serving dinner. This time it was my beautiful cousin who had died unexpectedly. Sure, she too was dealing with illness, but no one had expected this to happen immediately. A reader of these posts for as long as I have been writing them, she never failed to press like or to write me an encouraging comment. Although she'd lived in New South Wales for most of her life, I knew her to be a gentle soul, with incredible spirit and determination which she hid behind an infectious laugh and a quiet exterior; and now her children too are trying to come to terms with her loss.

As I have reflected on both of these losses, I've found myself again reminded that while some of us have been played the cancer card, we have also had days that create memories, where we are feeling well and able to participate. Sadly, this was not possible for either of these women, and while I might have believed that both would outlive me, really I knew nothing about it. Of course having reached my middle-fifties, I have learned this lesson before, and yet because death causes us pain and sorrow, these are perhaps the lessons which we push away as quickly as we can.

I am sure that like me, many of you have been shocked by similar circumstances. Remember that when it happens, it can have a profound effect on us, and that negotiating the road between grief and processing trauma is a difficult task. For me, writing is one way of expressing my feelings. At the bottom of this post, I'm sharing a song that I wrote with the help of AI about my reaction to both of these deaths, as an example. The bottom line however, is that if a similar situation leaves you feeling bereft, there is help out there, and that saying "I'm not ok" conveys your strength, not your weakness.

Have a great week everyone! Take care of yourselves and of each other, stay safe - and as always, stay connected.

Listen and make your own on Suno.