28/08/2025
'Who would I be if I wasn't this version of myself?'
The question hung in the air during our session last week. In that profound silence that followed, I watched my client recognize what she had been running from all along.
For years, she'd wrapped herself so tightly in the identity of being damaged, of being the one who'd been hurt, that she couldn't imagine existing any other way. Her pain had become her personality. Her wounds, her worth. Her trauma, her truth.
I understand this completely. After losing Dan, I unconsciously wrapped myself in the identity of 'the struggling widow and single mum'—and while that reality was necessary to survive those early days, somewhere along the way I started believing that's all I could ever be. I unconsciously held onto the story of the widow who had to do everything alone, the single mum who couldn't ask for help, who wasn't worthy of receiving support, love, or abundance. It felt safer to stay in that familiar pain than to risk being seen as anything more. But what I didn't realise was that by clinging to this identity, I was blocking myself from receiving all the healing, opportunities, and love that were trying to reach me. I had to learn that honoring my journey didn't mean staying trapped in that story forever.
What I've discovered through my own journey of healing and 18 years of walking alongside others in their darkest moments:
You are not your trauma. You are not your grief. You are not your past mistakes. You are not the pain that happened to you.
These experiences shaped you, yes. But they are not your identity - they are chapters in your story, not the entire book.
I know how frightening it can feel to consider letting go of the version of yourself you've known for so long. There's safety in the familiar, even when it's painful. There's certainty in staying small, even when your soul is aching to expand.
But releasing old versions of yourself isn't about forgetting your journey or dismissing your pain. It's about honouring how far you've travelled whilst making space for the person you're becoming. It's recognising that you can hold your grief or trauma AND your joy. Your wounds AND your wisdom. Your past AND your potential.
When we cling to old identities - even painful ones - we're essentially telling the universe: 'This is all I'm capable of being.' But what if you're meant for so much more?
I offer holistic sessions both in person and online, combining counselling and energy healing to support your transformation. Message me for a complimentary 15-minute chat to explore if my approach feels right for you.
www.mariacarr.com.au