18/07/2025
When you lose your spouse, your whole world turns upside down. Those first raw days, weeks and months can feel like being caught in a storm with no shelter – grief waves crash over you without warning, leaving you gasping for breath and wondering how you'll make it through another day.
I want you to know that everything you're experiencing right now – the overwhelming pain, the disbelief, the mental fog that makes even simple tasks feel impossible – this is all a normal response to the profound loss you're facing. Your body and nervous system are doing exactly what they need to do to process this heartbreak.
One thing I've noticed in supporting many people through early grief is that it rarely moves in a predictable path. It comes in waves, sometimes when you're expecting it, but often when you're not:
*That moment when you roll over in bed, reaching for them
*Standing in the supermarket, seeing their favourite biscuits
*When something good happens and your first instinct is to tell them
*When something difficult happens and you realise they're not there to help you through
When these waves hit, try to:
*Take a breath - Just pause and breathe deeply. Place a hand on your heart to help ground yourself.
*Acknowledge what's happening - Simply naming it can help: "This is grief. This is love. This is missing them."
*Be gentle with yourself - Allow whatever emotions come up. The tears, anger, confusion – these feelings need to move through you, not get stuck inside.
*Something we don't talk about enough is how grief takes a very real physical toll. Your nervous system is likely in a state of overwhelm, which might show up as exhaustion, anxiety, sleep troubles, or even feeling physically ill.
Some gentle ways to support your body:
*Rest without any guilt - Your body is working incredibly hard right now. Rest isn't lazy; it's necessary healing.
*Move in small ways - Even just a short walk around the garden, some gentle stretches, or standing outside for a few minutes can help release some of the tension you're carrying.
*Keep things simple - Your brain is already overwhelmed. Where possible, reduce decisions and stick to simple routines.
*Nourish yourself - Even when you have no appetite, try to have small, nutritious meals and plenty of water. Your body needs support now more than ever.
One of the most difficult aspects of grief is how isolating it can feel, even when surrounded by people who care. But facing this alone often deepens our suffering.
Consider:
*Finding others who truly understand - Groups like this one can be a lifeline. Being with others who "get it" without explanation brings such relief.
*Asking for specific help - When people say "let me know if you need anything," try to be specific: "Could you drop off a meal on Tuesday?" or "Could you just sit with me for an hour?"
*Getting professional support - Having a dedicated space where you don't need to protect anyone else's feelings can be incredibly healing.
*Perhaps what I want you to remember most is that your grief journey is uniquely yours. There's no timeline, no "right way" to mourn, no "getting over it."
*Your relationship was one-of-a-kind, and your grief will be too.
Some days you might laugh and then feel guilty about it. Other days you might feel angry at the world, or even at them for leaving.
All of these responses are completely valid.
What matters most is treating yourself with the same compassion you'd offer a dear friend going through this. You're not doing grief "wrong" if you're not following someone else's path.
I know these words can't take away your pain. But I hope they might help you feel a bit less alone, and perhaps offer a small handhold as you navigate these stormy waters.
Sending love and strength to you x
