Out of the Box - Child & Family Psychology

25/10/2022

💓

Parallel play isn't something only children do. Plenty of autistic adults are happy to just do their own thing around someone instead of with them, and still enjoy that time together!



[Image description: A single panel comic for Auctober titled "24. Parallel Play"
Honeydew and Ky sit side by side on the couch. Honeydew plays a video game on a Nintendo Switch while Ky plays a video game with a wireless controller.
Honeydew says "I love hanging out with you." Ky responds "Same."]

12/09/2022

Bruno the Brake Car, voiced by child actor Elliott Garcia, will appear in TV series later this month

07/09/2022

Out of the box

❤️LOVE this quote by

——

Hi, I’m Andi! I help parents and therapists better understand Autism and embrace Neurodiversity to accept and value everyone 🌈♾❤️ Follow me to learn more about Autism and communication and check out my Autism Handbook at www.mrsspeechiep.com

06/09/2022

Relational safety is the most essential ingredient 💗

A relationally unsafe (emotionally unsafe) environment can cause as much breakage as as a physically unsafe one.

The brain’s priority will always be safety, so if a person or environment doesn’t feel emotionally safe, we might see big behaviour, avoidance, or reduced learning. In this case, it isn’t the child that’s broken. It’s the environment.

But here’s the thing, just because a child doesn’t feel safe, doesn’t mean the person or environment isn’t safe. What it means is that there aren’t enough signals of safety - yet, and there’s a little more work to do to build this. ‘Safety’ isn’t about what is actually safe or not, it’s about what the brain perceives. Children might have the safest, warmest, most loving adult in front of them, but that doesn’t mean they’ll feel safe. This is when we have to look at how we might extend bigger cues of warmth, welcome, inclusiveness, and what we can do (or what roles or responsibilities can we give them) to help them feel valued and needed. This might take time, and that’s okay. Children aren’t meant to feel safe with every adult in front of them, so sometimes what they need most is our patience and understanding as we continue to build this.

This is the way it works for all of us, everywhere. None of us will be able to give our best or do our best if we don’t feel welcome, liked, valued, and free from hostility, humiliation or judgement.

This is especially important for our schools. A brain that doesn’t feel safe can’t learn. For schools to be places of learning, they first have to be places of relationship. Before we focus too sharply on learning support and behaviour management, we first have to focus on felt sense of safety support. The most powerful way to do this is through relationship. Teachers who do this are magic-makers. They show a phenomenal capacity to expand a child’s capacity to learn, calm big behaviour, and open up a child’s world. But relationships take time, and felt safety takes time. The time it takes for this to happen is all part of the process. It’s not a waste of time, it’s the most important use of it.♥️

26/08/2022

Hopefully 💗

📚 Story Time: A musical called Gillian

Gillian is a seven-year-old girl who cannot sit in school. She continually gets up, gets distracted, flies with thoughts, and doesn't follow lessons. Her teachers worry about her, punish her, scold her, reward the few times that she is attentive, but nothing. Gillian does not know how to sit and cannot be attentive.

When she comes home, her mother punishes her too. So not only does Gillian have bad grades and punishment at school, but she also suffers from them at home.

One day, Gillian's mother is called to school. The lady, sad as someone waiting for bad news, takes her hand and goes to the interview room. The teachers speak of illness, of an obvious disorder. Maybe it's hyperactivity or maybe she needs a medication.

During the interview an old teacher arrives who knows the little girl. He asks all the adults, mother and colleagues, to follow him into an adjoining room from where she can still be seen. As he leaves, he tells Gillian that they will be back soon and turns on an old radio with music.

As the girl is alone in the room, she immediately gets up and begins to move up and down chasing the music in the air with her feet and her heart. The teacher smiles as the colleagues and the mother look at him between confusion and compassion, as is often done with the old. So he says:

"See? Gillian is not sick, Gillian is a dancer!"

He recommends that her mother take her to a dance class and that her colleagues make her dance from time to time. She attends her first lesson and when she gets home she tells her mother:

"Everyone is like me, no one can sit there."

In 1981, after a career as a dancer, opening her own dance academy and receiving international recognition for her art, Gillian Lynne became the choreographer of the musical "Cats," both in London and Broadway. She also directed and choreographed the Vienna production.

Hopefully all “different” children find adults capable of welcoming them for who they are and not for what they lack.

Long live the differences, the little black sheep and the misunderstood. They are the ones who create beauty in this
world. ♥️ The End

"And those who were seen dancing, were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music."

⭐ Friedrich Nietzsche

28/07/2022

Are there any highly sensitive parents out there? You might KNOW these things, but how about those of you who aren't highly sensitive (or aren't aware you are) and have kids that seem to EXPLODE or SHUT DOWN over minor obstacles and interference? How are you doing? I know it can be tricky (my mom didn't understand me, and no one was there to help her back then).

Please know that your children aren't purposefully trying to be difficult - and they're not trying to have their way or be selfish.

It's about SELF-PROTECTION. When the world is too much - our nervous system needs help to get back on track. You can help with sensory toys and by guiding children to quiet spaces where they can reset.

💬💙

Visit 🔗 ChaosToCooperation.com to learn how to put into action.

19/07/2022

Mona Delahooke, Ph.D. reminding us to look beyond the behaviour ❤️

12/07/2022

💖

The pathological medical model defines play as inappropriate, restricted, and repetitive with DEFICITS in imagination, imitation, symbolism and joint attention.

A paradigm that focuses on deficits rather than strengths.

In this context, playing "appropriately" means playing with toys exactly as a typical child would play with toys.

When an autistic child plays in an unusual way, it is considered "inappropriate play." In other words, "it's different, therefore it's bad."

It's not that autistic children don't know how to play. There is no correct way to play. Play is play.

Autistic children's exploration and interaction with the world is outside of society's understanding, and just because society doesn't understand the value of doing things a certain way, it doesn't mean it's wrong.

There is nothing wrong with lining up toys. 🦒🐖🧸

There is nothing wrong with spinning the wheels of a car. 🚙

There is nothing wrong with playing with nature. 🌱

There is nothing wrong with playing with a cardboard box. 📦

Autistic play is appropriate play.

Autistic children are not broken versions of neurotypical children. Same thing goes for autistic adults (we exist by the way 😉✌️). is a natural part of the spectrum of human diversity... and diversity is beautiful.

We learn, interact and play AUTISTICALLY.

-Autísticamente Marcela 🚙 🦖 ⚽🚂

Publicación en español:
https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=459514795536353&id=100044335094112

[Image description: an illustration of a child smiling and sitting on the floor while holding a stick with a leaf. The child is surrounded by a display of toys and other household items that have been lined up in a curved row (a piano, a cardboard box, a bucket & pale, a stuffed bunny, a wooden train, two plastic cups, four colored markers, a broom, a toy dinosaur, a hat, two Christmas tree ornaments, a vase with flowers, a toy bus, a potato head, a pop it, a spinner, a book, a boat, a panda bear, a rattle, a number block, a beach ball, a stacking toy and a Peppa Pig). A thinking bubble above the child has a smiley face.]

30/06/2022

❤️

For things that are safe, but brave, new, or growthful, if anxiety and avoidance have been happening for a while, the neural pathways around avoidance will be strong. The amygdala (the part of the brain responsible for anxiety) will have registered that the only way to feel safe is to avoid the feared thing. When avoidance is taken away as an option, the amygdala will react fiercely, and push for even bigger fight or flight.
⠀⠀
From the outside, it will look as though anxiety is getting worse, but what is actually happening is the amygdala is fighting for things to go back to the way they were. It will take time and repeated exposure for the amygdala to feel safe enough and to let go of the fight or flight. The amygdala won't change its assessment of the feared thing quickly - but it always will eventually.

There is no hurry for this to happen. The steps can be gentle, and they will always feel softer if there is someone they feel safe with (and it doesn’t need to be a parent) supporting them through the distress that comes with doing brave.
⠀⠀
Eventually, with enough exposure to the feared, safe thing, the amygdala will have enough experience of things ending safely enough. This is when you will see a settling of anxiety and the building of brave.

This is how brave is built. As long as the thing they are moving towards is safe, the 'worse before it gets better' are not backward steps, but part of the progress forward.♥️

22/05/2022

We want children to view ALL feelings and emotions with equanimity, not with shame, since they are all adaptive to the nervous system. When children can experience the full range of emotions, it leads to self-regulation and future resilience.
I share more in this webinar and in Brain-Body Parenting. https://www.monadelahooke-courses.com/courses/labeling-feelings

​​

25/04/2022

Different not defective

A useful way to think about autism:

is to understand it as different neurology expressed in a ‘rainbow’ of ways that always represent both strengths and challenges in the person’s profile.

The person is different, not defective and deserves respect and admiration for how they cope in a world where most people are not only not autistic but do not understand someone who is.

** This post was created from the views and perspectives of many autistic family, friends and clients, and may not represent the views and perspectives of all autistics.

06/03/2022

Calling all dedicated and creative child psychologist
We are hiring!
Come join us - www.outoftheboxpsychology.com.au/jobs