Sarah Lee - Psychologist and Researcher

17/02/2025

I love this - thanks Dr. Wendy Suzuki!
The power of emotional resonance, the reason why emotionally focused therapy is so powerful!!

04/08/2022

Here refers to programs such as the Positive Behaviour Support Framework that many schools use (including ‘123 Magic’) and the Triple P parenting program. ⠀
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I attended a Triple P training session. From memory, it was mostly good. However a parent in the group asked (regarding time outs), “What do I do if I’ve sent my 4 year old to their room and closed the door, but they keep trying to get out?” The presenter’s response was, to hold the door closed and not let them out until they had calmed down, and that to give them attention in this instance would be an “accidental reward” 😳💔⠀
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This may once have been evidence-based, but most mainstream psychological practices haven’t caught up with current evidence. I don’t need evidence to tell me that ignoring or intentionally isolating a child when they’re at their most vulnerable and in need would affect their mental well-being though (not referring to time away from a situation to co-regulate; or time alone to ensure safety, because a child doesn’t want to be comforted, or because you know they genuinely regulate better without an adult present).⠀
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“123 Magic’s author likens parenting to working as a ‘wild animal trainer,’ and suggests methods like counting until the child ‘does what the trainer wants.’ He suggests that parents count to three to manage misbehaviors and then, without emotion, implement consequences such as time-outs if children don’t comply with their parents’ wishes. PCIT (Parent Child Interaction Therapy) and Triple P Parenting (Positive Parenting Program) are also built upon the status quo of viewing behavior through a compliance/non-compliance lens that results in the use of rewards and punishments as consequences to motivate a change in behaviors.”
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Read more here:

https://monadelahooke.com/parenting-techniques/

https://monadelahooke.com/child-discipline-time-to-shift-the-lens/

Alternatives: Ross Greene’s “Collaborative Problem Solving” approach, Stuart Shanker’s “Self-Reg” program, and Mona Delahooke’s book “Beyond Behaviours”.

23/07/2022

13/07/2022

Childhood emotional neglect occurs when a child’s parent or parents fail to respond adequately to their child’s emotional needs. Emotional neglect is not necessarily childhood emotional abuse.

Abuse is often intentional; it’s a purposeful choice to act in a way that is harmful. While emotional neglect can be an intentional disregard for a child’s feelings, it can also be a failure to act or notice a child’s emotional needs.

Parents who emotionally neglect their children may still provide care and necessities. They just miss out on or mishandle this one key area of support.

06/07/2022

A parent who feels their role is self-sacrificing is more likely to raise children who feel like a burden.

Do you ever feel like “I give everything to my children and all they do is take! At least they could listen, for all I do for them!”

👆 This is conditional love. There is a mental transaction that only one person is aware of or part of. And let’s think about the logic here… it’s our job to meet our children’s basic needs, regardless of their behaviour. It’s not a transaction, it’s parenting. It’s love. It’s not conditional. But this can be hard to understand if love has always been transactional for you. In fact, if love has always been transactional, imagine how cheated you feel when you become a parent? You expect something in return for your love.

Do you want to see your child and your role as a parent from a Responsive Parenting lens?

Learn more in my latest E 📖

Finding Your Calm: A Responsive Parents Guide to Self-Regulation and Co-Regulation

Link in bio or on the Website: responsiveparentinginspirations.com

Edited to add: A lot of people feeling called out and I know, this one is a bit of a gut punch. I do this sometimes… it’s not to make you feel guilty it’s for the purpose of reflection. My theory is, if this hits you in the gut, you are ALREADY feeling guilt and shame over this. It’s already an issue for you and this post is making it so you can’t ignore that feeling.

For the sake of clarity, this is not referring to every little sacrifice we make because we do make sacrifices (I don’t really see it that way but some do). It is more about whether you feel owed something for those sacrifices. That doesn’t make you a “bad parent.” It just means you found something that you can try to deconstruct. Deconstructing a belief such as this one can actually provide so much clarity and then it often leads to a release from the guilt. The purpose is to release you of guilt, not to cause more. Please I’m telling you that total self-sacrifice is not necessary… please believe me. I’m not saying this to make you feel guilty, I’m trying to help ❤️

Edit #2: Love how I can keep adding commentary with FB. I remember when I felt this way the most. It was when I had a baby who never slept more than 45 minutes and absolutely zero external support. At a certain point I realized I felt this way and started making small changes. I wasn’t relieved of it overnight but once I became aware that I didn’t want my experience to be one of self-sacrifice, I was able to start working towards making that a reality. Slow but intentional growth.

03/07/2022

ℹ🌿PARENTIFICATION: HEALING FROM THE TRAUMA OF HAVING TO GROW UP TOO SOON |

Parentification is a cause of invisible childhood trauma. It occurs when the roles are reversed between a child and a parent, where the child has to step up as the caretaker, mediator, or protector of the family. It is a form of mental abuse and boundary violation.

Read full article:
https://www.eggshelltherapy.com/parentification/

01/07/2022

27/06/2022

💕 Perth Children's Occupational Therapy
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Emotional regulation isn’t something that’s taught to a child; it’s something that’s felt by a child - first through another, then on their own.

♡ If you would like to be kept in the loop on everything Synergetic Play Therapy or get resources to support you on your therapist journey, submit your details here: https://linktr.ee/synergeticplaytherapy ♡

23/05/2022

Attachment theory suggests that early interactions with caregivers can dramatically affect your beliefs about yourself, your expectations of others, and how you cope with stress and regulate your emotions as an adult

21/05/2022

Stop punishing children for not having skills they haven’t had a chance to develop!!!

18/05/2022

When we talk about social capacity, we must acknowledge that each person's amount of social engagement and interaction capacity vary. Some autistic individuals can engage in prolonged social interactions with more people in various situations. In contrast, others' capacity limits their social engagement to two people for a short duration in a familiar environment. For those with limited capacities, this does not mean the autistic individuals dislike social interactions or prefer to be alone.

Regardless of the capacity, social interactions can be tremendously exhausting and can drain cognitive, emotional, and physical energy. It is essential to recognise this connection and allow time to recover after social interactions.

** The information in this post is from the perspectives and experiences of many autistic individuals from clinical experience and communications and may not apply to each person.

17/05/2022

This made my day! ♥️