20/08/2024
This post beautifully explains the intricacies of DV.
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Content warning **
It happens fast.
Itās disorienting and blurry.
Thereās no way he just⦠Before you have time to think, he is showering you with love and affection.
The person who hurt me was themselves a victim of severe trauma. Had they not been subjected to such pain, they may have had control over their actions and not harmed me in a fit of rage.
And each time it happened, there was one less resource I had, until I became the person he needed me to be. Malleable. Exhausted. And made to believe I was the reason for it all, as well as the only one to make it better.
This is why we cannot simply ask why women stay. Itās not simple.
If you were in our shoesāmanipulated by someone who knows all your strengths and weaknesses, isolated from external support little by little, and lacking any outside perspective on whatās truly happeningāyou would probably stay too. And no, you would not necessarily know better.
They erode our ability to trust our instincts, skew our perception of reality, and cloud our thinking. They create a distorted reality.
Leaving. Is. Not. Simple.
Only after leaving and going to therapy did I see the harsh reality of my abuser and all abusers. They arenāt exceptional, & they will not be better; rather, they all exploit their victimās vulnerabilities from the beginning, gradually desensitizing them to more severe abuse. If itās not me or you, it would have been someone else.
So instead of asking why we havenāt left, we need to be asking this question-
Why are we so convinced something wrong with the woman who stays, when itās the man inflicting the pain suffering?
I saw *It Ends With Us* last night. As a DV survivor, I can fully say that nothing has ever portrayed DV so accurately before in the way I experienced it myself. I remember thinking the same thing after reading the book as well. Iām a little disappointed with the marketing leading up to the movie.. Itās definitely not a movie to āgrab your friends, wear your floral and come out to the theatreā as they said. I think itās a movie/book that every woman should go into knowing that itās about ending the cycle of abuse