11/11/2023
One of the biggest sources of suffering is our tendency to become overly attached to the identities we construct. Our true identity isn’t something we create, but something we’re born with, an essence in the background of everything we do. At some point, we lost sight of this essence, trading it for an identity that appears to function better in social settings, leads to promotions, makes us feel more “correct,” and attracts the person we desire.
We’e complex creatures, and all fall into the trap of identity creation. However, it’s crucial to recognise that we’re selling ourselves short by trading the superficial with the deeper inner wealth we all possess.
Where there’s an identity to maintain, there will be struggle, and the greater the dissonance between that identity and our true nature, the more unhappy we become. Sooner or later, the feeling of misalignment or of “living a lie” becomes so intense that we either retreat further into the illusion or choose to take action.
The path to “doing the work” will be unique for everyone. Yoga, meditation, therapy, breathwork, men’s and women’s circles, somatic therapy, plant medicine, and religions are a few examples. Since my teens, I’ve been exploring plenty of avenues in an attempt to answer the same question: “Who am I?” I’m still asking it, still making mistakes along the way, and still have my vulnerabilities. However, I can confidently say that by continually asking this question, the feeling of dissonance has diminished, I feel more at ease with the self I present to the world, and the older I get, the closer I am to the Ryan who doesn’t need to struggle to be anything.
Instead of recommending a specific therapy or workshop, I’d just suggest asking yourself sincerely, “Who am I?” and following wherever that leads. You’ll be embarking on the most epic tale you have ever known - the story of YOU!
(The irony of the post is that it features an image of my “athletic yogi” identity on a platform designed to inflate egos. The absurdity also drives me nuts, and I definitely beat myself up about it. However, I believe that the most important thing isn’t to eliminate all identities and… continued in comments*