06/03/2025
Shame and self-criticism are rarely good teachers. They drop too deep, create an identity of inadequacy, make everything your fault.
Guilt, on the other hand, alerts us to having done something that could have been harmful: a careless action, an error of some sort. It’s important to feel some of this so that we don’t go around being jerks. Guilt can motivate us to attempt to rectify our mistakes, reduce the harm, apologise, learn how to do better. But shame, shame can sink into our bones.
In my own experience and that of with working with clients, it’s not enough to simply not be self-critical to reduce shame. What helps is to develop a reassuring self, a perspective that can accept mistakes as part of being human, and a deep commitment to reducing one’s own suffering.
Self-compassion course starts Tuesday 18th 🩵