HTherapies - Individuals & Couple Relationships Therapy & Counselling

09/04/2026

08/04/2026

Action by action

However you define success, you have to do the work to get what you want. Whatever you want in any area of your life, if you spend too much time finding motivation, waiting for the perfect time or focusing on unimportant actions, you will miss out on the progress you seek. I like how stoic philosopher Marcus Aurelius said in his book:

“You have to assemble your life yourself—action by action. And be satisfied if each one achieves its goal, as far as it can. No one can keep that from happening. —But there are external obstacles.… Not to behaving with justice, self-control, and good sense. —Well, but perhaps to some more concrete action. But if you accept the obstacle and work with what you’re given, an alternative will present itself—another piece of what you’re trying to assemble. Action by action.”―Marcus Aurelius, Meditations

Every success starts with an actionable goal. Most people create vague goals without practical steps or plan to get started. “I want to start making more money this year” is not a specific or measurable goal. It’s the bigger picture. “This is the issue with goal setting: the goals many people set for themselves are simply too broad or too vague — and you have no idea where to start,” writes Ramit Sethi. What you need to make more money is actionable steps, behaviours or habits you can practice daily.
That's is....action is a multiplier of thought.

08/04/2026

I used to think that if I loved someone hard enough, consistently enough, patiently enough, I could become the reason they finally chose to show up.

I believed this about a friend. A partner. A parent. Maybe all three, at different chapters of my life. I believed that my steadiness could heal their inconsistency. That my reliability could become a mirror they would eventually want to look into. That if I just held on long enough, with enough grace, with enough understanding, with enough of myself quietly poured into the gap their unreliability kept opening, they would see it. See me. And stay.

What I did not understand then, and what cost me years I cannot get back, is that I had confused love with audition.

Every time they disappeared and came back, I was grateful. It felt like confirmation and proof that I was enough to return to. Every inconsistency I absorbed without complaint was me presenting my credentials. Every time I swallowed my hurt and smiled and said it's okay, I understand, I was making my case.

Working for something that should have been freely given. Competing, in a contest I had not agreed to enter, for the basic dignity of being treated as someone worth showing up for.

But now I see that their inconsistency is not a code I am supposed to crack. It is not a test I am supposed to pass. It is not a wall I am supposed to find the door in through sheer devotion. It is information. Plain, uncomfortable information about what they can offer, about the gap between who they want to be for you and who they actually are right now.

So you see, stepping back is not giving up. It is not a failure of love or a failure of nerve. It is the first genuinely loving thing you can do, for them, because you stop performing a function that prevents them from facing what they actually need to face, and for yourself, because you stop haemorrhaging energy into a wound that is not yours to close.

It is the moment you stop auditioning and remember that you were never supposed to be on that stage in the first place.

And that for me is closure.

08/04/2026

08/04/2026

07/04/2026

14/03/2026

The dandelion is of a nature that floats with the wind. It is carried by the wind and seems to be at ease with the situation. In fact, it still contains its own desire to find the goal. It wraps its seeds deep in its heart and waits for the moment it lands, which is to give birth to hope. The beginning, so its meaning represents persistence.

13/03/2026

13/03/2026

13/03/2026

27/02/2026