25/03/2023
It’s such a trip this weird little baby vortex. As I build myself up to give birth to our daughter I feel fear constantly looming in the background.
Fear of birthing our baby. Fear of being a Mum. Fear of losing my life as I’ve known it to be. Fear of some sweet little life totally dependent on myself and Tyler.
If I’ve learnt anything it’s that fear grows when it’s suppressed. It has this ability to show up in places totally unwarranted because it’s been left unchecked. It causes spikes of anxiety and starts spirals of ‘what if’s’. Unchecked fear can be really dangerous to our wellbeing.
The antidote? Talking about it. Tyler has heard every last little fear I have about being a Mama. He knows my complicated mother lineage has taken a lot for me to work through and feels scary to now step into. He knows the ins and outs of every little fear so in turn I do too. It’s pretty beautiful. To feel fear and know that’s all it is, fear. Just an emotion, just a neurohormone that will come and go. It doesn’t need to impact anything I do, I don’t need to action a thing. I just need to acknowledge it, accept it’s normal and move on to doing washing. Hanging out all the little baby clothes and smile as I do it.
Fear is the biggest indication I care and for that I’m wholeheartedly grateful.
