28/03/2026
Yep tough one to chew but it’s definitely a shift I currently working through x
Righto…. Time to be honest with myself and share because I feel it’s time especially how I’m moving forward with the energy of the horse so let’s just ride with the wind even if I feel it might be a little oversharing but hey journeys and explaining those journeys could help someone else who could be facing the same kinda s**t show too, So here I go!!!
Turning 40 last year I thought was going to be a great start but unfortunately definitely was not the case and to be honest it was close to breaking me… but it definitely cracked me open eventually once I actually woke up to the truth within me and took accountability and ownership of my own self behaviour.
If I’m being real….like raw, no filter, no “high vibe only” bulls**t!!!
last year I shut down more than I’ve ever admitted out loud.
I went quiet.
Not because I was healed apart of me which I thought was pass me until now… again, I was holding everything in, reliving the Masking and showing up for the wounded masculine and feeding that energy continuously without actually noticing it at first.
My actions were I told myself I was “doing what’s best for everyone else.”
Making decisions for my loved ones.
Holding it all together. While hurting the one person that is most important ME!!!!!
Masking the way my body was changing.
Masking the grief of a hysterectomy I didn’t truly have a choice in…
And sitting in that confusing space of regret but not regret at the same time while coming to terms with the inside and outside of my whole human vessel which felt my soul not aligning with. 
I was masking the weight gain.
Masking the way I couldn’t recognise myself in the mirror some days.
Masking the hormonal waves, the emotional swings, the quiet identity shift that no one really prepares you for.
And the hardest part was still showing up as “her.”
The strong one.
The healer.
The Hotistic Practitioner
The Mother
The Wife
The one who holds everyone else.
Meanwhile… I was slowly disconnecting from myself which felt familiar ground in some ways.
My business even started reflecting it.
Not in failure… but in energy.
It felt like the universe was pulling the brakes on me.
Slowing me down.
Forcing me to pause.
Whispering “you don’t need to push right now… you need to FEEL on a new level your not use to.”And guess what I didn’t want to hear that so I had again masked it and push through it….. well you would think I had learnt my lessons from previous times 🤦🏼♀️
Resting felt like losing control.
And feeling everything I had buried?
That felt fu***ng uncomfortable.
But here’s what I’ve come to understand through this another discomfort layer of my journey…
This wasn’t me falling apart.
This was my feminine energy asking to be honoured in a completely new way and a new level of respect & integrity. 
Not the “soft, pretty, put together” version…
But the RAW, CYCLICAL, EVER-CHANGING, DEEPLY INTUITIVE version of what it means to be a woman.
My body isn’t against me.
She’s transitioning.
My energy isn’t broken.
She’s recalibrating.
My emotions aren’t weakness.
They are intelligence.
And the version of me I’ve been grieving?
She’s not gone…
She’s evolving.
I keep getting told that there is something incredibly humbling about watching your body change, your identity shift, and realising… and as I’m still processing this transition and grieving of what I was has been hard I’m now coming to appreciation stand which I can say I can see and feel that energy change within myself on a daily basis and even better on my own terms and pace without the judgement from others.
You don’t get to control every phase.
But you do get to choose how you meet yourself in it.
Right now?
I’m still in it.
Still navigating.
Still having days where I don’t fully recognise myself.
Still working through the shadows that came from years of holding it all together.
But I’m no longer masking it.
I’m learning to sit with it a lot more on a deeper level by softening into it.
To actually listen to what my body, my energy, and my soul are asking of me.
Rest.
Rejuvenate.
Reconnect.
And slowly… I’m coming back to myself.
Not the old version.
But a deeper, wiser, more embodied one.
So if you’re in a season where your body is shifting, your emotions feel louder, and you’re questioning everything…
You’re not broken. You’re becoming.
And maybe… just maybe…
This is the part where we stop fighting our bodies and start walking with them with love, grace.
Char 🤍✨