30/12/2025
One of the hardest lessons I’ve learned is that pain doesn’t always come from the OBVIOUS SOURCES… it often comes from people you trusted, respected, or never thought would hurt you.
And when that happens, the pressure to “be mature,” “be understanding,” or “be the bigger person” can be SUFFOCATING.
Here’s something that doesn’t get said enough:
You are ALLOWED to be affected.
You are ALLOWED to feel resentment.
You are ALLOWED to admit something changed you.
What you’re not required to do is pretend it didn’t matter.
Resentment isn’t a character flaw… it’s often the result of being RUSHED, SILENCED, or expected to carry the weight quietly. It shows up when your experience wasn’t acknowledged and your pain was inconvenient.
The work isn’t pretending you’re fine.
The work is letting yourself be HONEST without letting pain turn you into someone you’re not.
And here’s the part we don’t talk about enough either:
Boundaries and self-growth aren’t meant to be used as ESCAPES.
Sometimes people use therapy language, “protecting their peace,” or “doing the work” to avoid ACCOUNTABILITY ... leaving others to carry pain they helped create.
That isn’t self-development.
That isn’t owning your part.
That’s AVOIDANCE dressed up as growth.
Not everyone deserves the SAME LEVEL OF ACCESS.
Not because they’re bad… but because YOU GET TO DECIDE, based on your values, your boundaries, and what you’re willing to carry.
And at the same time, deciding where someone sits in your life doesn’t mean abandoning DECENCY, RESPONSIBILITY, or CARE.
Not everyone who leaves your life is a loss…
but that doesn’t mean it won’t HURT.
And feeling that pain isn’t weakness, failure, or attachment gone wrong.
Sometimes people leaving is information.
Sometimes it’s grief.
Sometimes it’s both.
And you’re allowed to hold all of that
without hardening, closing off, or abandoning yourself.
Some people are lessons.
And some lessons are heavy…
but they don’t get to take your SOFTNESS with them.